I sat in the coffee shop, the babble of pleasant conversation around me, while I sat alone. I wanted to scream, to shout, to go mad, but I couldn't. What would be the point? Would it help fill the black emptiness that sat inside me like some wretched frog. I had made my choice. I had given up the glory of magic, beauty, power and the unknown, for true love. Up until this point I had never regretted that decision, I had thought true love to be greater and more glorious than what had be offered to me...but now? Now the pain of my choice would swell and ease like the tides, with each passing day.
They always say the grass is greener on the other side, and oh how that unknown grass seemed so green to me now. Me, here surrounded by the grey mass of buildings and the forever grey sky, the polluted fumes that filled my lungs. The malcontented, the twisted expressions of strangers that hurried to get to places. Had I really chosen this? Had I forever turned my back on the green spaces, the realm of beauty and life, for this diseased land that fell sicker by the hour. I have given up so much for something that proclaimed to be greater and more alive than anything other thing. And I had believed it, had so wanted to feel that greatness and completeness, and I had for a time. But now...
His beautiful face appeared in front of mine, startling me from my darkening thoughts. His lips held the smile that belonged to me, that led up to his crinkled lush green eyes. My favourite part of him was his curvy cheekbones though. Its a strange part of the face to adore I know, but you haven't seen his. The were made for planting kisses on. My nose fit just perfectly in the crook of his and I would feel the solid warmth of those smooth high boned cheeks.
"And what are you looking so down about darling?" he said with that precious smile.
"Ah, its nothing" Then knowing he would keep probing until I gave him a reasonable answer I added cheerfully " I was reading a article of how people are starving around the world while others have to much. It's a difficult subject, and got me thinking, that's all" Satisfied he gave me a nod and sat down next to me while planting a kiss on my cheek.
"I know darling, its so hard to find a solution and where do you start? But I have something that will cheer you up immensely! I've found you a job!" He looked at me clearly chuffed and excited at the idea, but all I felt was my heart sinking. More bars to add to my gilded cage. How I missed using my wings.
"Great, wow! Erm thats amazing and good for us isn't it? We can start saving towards a flat that we always talk about if I get this job." I could feel my eyes welling up, my soul dying a little more. What was wrong with me? We had been talking about it for months, years even. Over those years though I had slowly grown sicker and sicker, both mentally and physically. I think he knew something wasn't right about me, but love is blind you see and he hid his fears deep down in a box he never opened.
His phone went off, a text from work to say he was needed. He gave a handsome scowl, the irritation flickering in his almond shaped eyes then looked up at me apologetically. I raised my hand before he could say anything, secretly glad he had to leave so I could be alone with my thoughts. "I know" putting on a sad face "you have to go, see you tonight?" He nodded, swiftly kissed me and looking back said " I love you". I nodded, my throat closing and my guilty heart feeling heavy. "I love you too." I whispered, but he had already gone. Was I really going to change the bargain I had stuck? Was I really going to sacrifice once again all that I loved for something else?