One last glance at the happy couple and then my feet and body took over like it had clicked into some speedy robot mode, I found myself outside on the sidewalk with people and traffic going by in a slow pace, as to be expected in a small town.
You can never really understand the shock and pain of such an event until you've experienced it firsthand. And that is an experience I wouldn't wish upon anyone. In the past I heard people talk about how they felt numb and its only now I can truly understand their meaning. Its the strangest feeling or non emotion. Its so difficult to describe. Like I'm trapped in a bubble of pain, and that is all I can feel. Looking at the world around me is like I almost feel nothing, empty...
The things that once would elicit strong reactions from me, I feel nothing. Even when speaking to the mothers of my students, to Niamh and Charlie aswell. It was forced smiles, ok there was one point that my spirit lifted slightly but it was so quickly gone by to have any lasting effect. Honestly more than anything they were a distraction but that made me realise something important. Those distractions allowed my mind to divert from its pain, I was going to get through this by using those distractions. Its the only way forward.
Nathaniel needs to be cut from my life I know this, there is something sinister hiding within him, and I know for sure that I do not want to meet that side again. I just need to plan my way through this. If it means leaving the pack, giving up on my first job I will have to seriously consider it.
The school building came into sight like a beautiful picture from a chocolate box. It was an old one story building beautifuly maintained and had a similar design to the other old buildings in town, especially the pack house. Its white walls shone in the sun, the white picket fence that surrounded it added that sweet small town effect and I know if I was my normal self I would be oohing and ahhing, possibly jumping with excitement but there was nothing left in me for such behaviour. I just stood there momentarily taking it all in, hoping that this could be my sanctuary.
Godess please -- let this be my sanctuary, please...
As expected the inside was as well maintained as outside. The classrooms are brightly lit by three large windows allowing lots of light to shine through. The walls are painted in light pastels, giving a fresh and warm atmosphere, ready for all the artwork and crafts of the children to be displayed.
There was a grand foyer on entrance, the notes of architecture still beautiful from times gone by, rooms and corridors lead off it. Its hard to believe that I'm to be Headmistress of this little school, I couldn't have wished for more. If I was human I wouldn't have such an opportunity, yes I excelled at college, was the top of my year and did lots of work experience through those years, but a position like this usually took year to cultivate. Luckily for me teachers were on the rare side in a pack of wolves, this was everything I ever wanted. To teach the young pups help them through their childhood and guide them, and to be given free reign to guide them with the curriculum I deamed appropriate. I had spent thousands of hours learning new and modern teachings. Its a once in a lifetime opportunity!
I went through each classroom, there was the main room, a large hall with a stage, smaller rooms based on different curriculums, a science room, a small gymnasium, the Headmistress Office, and adjoining secretary office, cloakroom, bathrooms, (obviously) a large outdoor playground with a jungle gym and a large meadow to the back where the pups will be able to shift and run.
Everything was brand new and my heart beat slightly harder knowing how much work had been put into it. Seemingly its not been open since the last Alpha was in power, but looking around you wouldn't know that this place was in almost ruin six months ago. If I can say one thing for Alpha Atreus he doesn't do things in halves, nor does he skimp. The boys and girls lucky enough to attend will be getting an education and environment most parents would sell their left leg for.
Hours went by as I meticulously unwrapped new books and equipment. Setting everything up to be ready for the school opening. I had just finished in the science room and was beginning my work with the library books adding them to the shelves, trying my best to organise it all. The past few days had been so draining that I felt myself struggling, I needed a minute so I walked out to the front porch, taking a seat in a bench and just watched.
Assests, buildings, people, homes, houses, businesses, vehicles, flora and fauna are all the things that help to create a community or little town like this one. Standing on the veranda watching the world go by, families together, workers going about their business, warriors training, kids playing its a perfect scene. The air is so clean here, full of the smells of the pack, the forest and all its intoxicating scents. It was heaven. I had dreamed about it for so long, returning to the wilderness was my hearts desire, the entire time I spent in college. I had grown up in this environment and the years spent away from it, were exillerating but my heart always called me back to the forests, to the freedom of its wildness.
As the intoxicating smells flooded my senses my inner wolf was in her element and the desire to shift and run free was almost overpowering. Even if I wanted to I couldn't allow it, this place was everything I ever wanted but now everything feels tainted by my sick relationship. How could he do this? How can I just wipe it away like it never occurred? If only it was that easy. The more I think on Nathaniel's actions last night and then again today, I am growing more and more scared of what lies ahead.
The shadows of what's to come, are still casting a dark aura upon me. Not only am I struggling with my relationship, the elders are on their way, who am I too cast any doubt on their words, and so any kind of brightness was still stuck in the dim of this situation. My only hope is that they don't see me as a threat.
Its almost laughable to join a pack known as knights for their unrivalled honour in helping the downtrodden, weak, vulnerable and in particular abused, to become a victim of abuse myself. I maybe a werewolf, stronger than a human but I am the weakest of out kind, and so my mate has taken my weakness as a vantage point for his benefit.
The more I think on my situation, I'm struggling to understand why Nathaniel has chosen to continue our bond at all. He has never even tried to mate with me and the more I mull it over, the more questions and suspicions are raised. He clearly has deep feelings for that harpy Caroline, the sexual tension between them was off the charts nothing like ours. Its bazaar! All of it! Including the words he said yesterday about him choosing me!
No it was the moon Godess, not him, or does he mean that he chose not to reject me. In that case, if that is the truth then I hope to convince him to reject me because I'm sickened by him now. Even if the bond is calling me to him, I won't allow it to tie me to an abuser who doesn't love me and openly cheats with another. No way! No siree! Whatever he feels for me sure isn't love, because love is beautiful and our relationship now is extremely ugly.
And on that note I hopped up, returning to my work and distraction. It was evening, the dim light of dusk arrived casting shadows all through my workspace. I could have ended my work day but after all where else should I go? To the house that no longer feels like a home? Where I no longer feel safe! Nope! My mind hadn't even gone there, I felt safe here and so it did not enter my train of thought to finish up, or leave.
Even being faced with the daunting task of a room full of books ready to be shelved, with no starting point...
In the end I randomly grabbed one, popped it in place and was onto the next. I was stood their with my next pile to shelve when I heard his voice in my head again. The startling interruption shook me and I dropped what I was holding with a thud. "Godess!!" I exclaimed my body shuddered from the shock. Bending down I went to lift them from the floor when suddenly I felt something grab onto my arm. The touch scared the life out of me and I screamed, like a banshee on steroids.
"Are you ok!" The voice of Alpha Atreus startled me again. How can he do that? My mind was freaked at the sound, honestly it felt like he was present. It wasn't until he pulled me around to meet his gaze that I realised my mistake.
He hadn't mindlinked me, he was here all along...
And here I was again, the fool, the startled bunny, the idiot!
My body trembled from the fright, even in his embrace I couldn't help it. The sudden touch to my skin had sent shock waves through me. He pulled me towards him with such strength and speed that my body felt like it hit a wall. Bending down towards me placing his head next to mine, I swear he was sniffing my hair.
Then I felt his breath on my neck, goosebumps rose all over and a shiver ran down my spine.
"I've been looking for you." He said taking my breath. His movements were agonisingly slow and my core ignited in his embrace.
"Oh! Have you?" I questioned, taking a deep breath, I met his gaze for all of a second, then swiftly turned away not feeling strong enough to look deep into his smoldering deep blue eyes. His powerful aura was all consuming and I was in no state to stand up to it, even if my inner strength wanted me too, I just couldn't.
I can not fathom what it is about this man that evokes such a strong reactions from me every time I'm in his company. I've never been a fan girl of Alpha's, I mean I appreciate them, respect them but never ran after one, desired one. Yet this man does strange things to me...
After what felt like an eternity he let me go and I stood there in a daze.
"You really are like a little bunny caught in the headlights." He cheekily said and laughed a little then rubbed my head tossing my hair about.
At that moment I stole another glance at him. Every time our eyes meet I feel as though there's something deeper there, some connection or other but I can't reach it, its gone in a flash and I turn picking up the books I had dropped, putting then on the shelves.
"Glad to see you're making progress on the place, it's looking good so far. On another note someone is here to see you."
Swinging around, my imagination had taken me to all the possibilities, my stomach clenched from the butterflies it felt. Who or what, wanted me now? But none lead me to her...
"Weyhey girl, we've been looking for you everywhere." she laughed and shouted out. I was so dumbstruck that I remained in place as she bumped passed Alpha Atreus with her arms wide open and wrapped me up in them.
Quinn my best friend was here, holding me and I wrapped my arms around her and sobbed tears of joy and pain.
"Ssh bunny, don't worry I'm here now."