It is all so confusing, especially now. With every step I take, I feel stronger, stronger than I have ever felt before. Maybe it was the realisation that I didn't crumble seeing my mates infidelity? That my mark was gone? Maybe I have grown stronger? Honestly I have always had a strong will and mind, my body just never matched up. Weak is what it was and so I was weak, a frail little bunny like everyone took such enjoyment out of reminding me. But why is it that I don't feel like the meek little bunny, don't get me wrong here I am not saying I'm magically physically stronger now, I know any one of the warriors could knock me away like a little fly. It is more of a feeling, like... I can grow stronger, and that - is something I have never felt before.
The cool night air hit me with a refreshing breeze as stepped out onto the veranda. Passing a few burly warriors I waved in greeting and carried on my way. Home was calling and I wanted nothing more, I just hope Nathaniel has enough sense to leave me be for now. I need rest, rest and recuperation, well at least a decent nights sleep. Tomorrow I can deal with the aftermath, today I just want a warm shower, fresh clothes, my pillow and maybe a hot chocolate, mmmh sounds like heaven...
As I day dreamed about home comforts, suddenly I felt a strong connection, 'Paloma'. Omg that was Atreus, what the! 'Paloma, listen.' Stumbling over a pebble I catch myself from falling, it was awkward and clumsy but at least I managed a save. High five to me! I could hardly believe it, the mind-link was so strong and sudden, like he had a direct line to my inner thoughts, yes I have experienced mindlinking before but this was on another level. Wolves have a barrier that protects our inner thoughts, when joining a pack, a key to that barrier is created but it's like you need to knock and ask for entry. Mates and close family have and even stronger connection, making the barrier a little less fortified but that was like he linked me with no barrier whatsoever. How does one deal with that? And how the hell did he do that!
'Paloma.' I heard again. 'Yes Alpha.' I replied dumbfounded.
'Are you ok, it took you sometime for your answer.' He replied, with concern flavouring his voice.
'I was just startled by the connection, but to answer your question yes I'm ok, ha.' I couldn't help the sarcastic tone my voice took as I felt slightly annoyed by the whole situation. Like does he have easy access to my thoughts my mind now, oh no, what if?.... what if everyone does? How embarrassing that would be! ugh!
'Just forgot to tell you to come to my office for twelve noon tomorrow and we will talk more about the council, your job and I will need to give you the keys for the school house. It's been newly renovated as you have been informed, that being said I had hoped you would have had time to check it out by now, seen if we need to make changes. If any new school books need ordering or anything else that's essential for a top class education for the little ones. With everything that happened, that has been delayed. The pups education is of utmost importance to all, so that cannot be put on hold any further.'
'Prefect see you then.' And with that his sultry voice had left my mind, sending a shivering sensation down my spine ending deep in my core. That man will be the death of me, I thought and Oriel chimed in mmh hmm.
Stepping over the threshold of my new digs, I leaned my back against the now shut front door. The smell of fresh paint, new wood and cleaning products reminded me of what this place represents, or at least what it was supposed to. A new start, a family home, a happy couple, love, companionship, my mate, my mate... I pushed myself off the door and headed upstairs.
Standing in the shower water cascading down my tired body. The beating power from the shower head massaged my sore muscles. Thank godess for the person who created the power shower that guy or gal needs a meddle. Steam rose and clouded the ensuite as I stepped out and grabbed the fluffy white towel, dried off and wrapped it around me.
I've been trying so hard to lock away the mess that's my life, but thoughts of what lay ahead keep creeping in. Who am I kidding, nobody can hide away from the truth. Drowning myself in alcohol wasn't an option, not for me not ever
After all my pruning and preening I pulled on my warm flannel pjs, nothing sexy about them, just lovely warm snugness. Nathaniel's scent is so strong here and still manages to calm me. In some ways I hate that. Maybe when I hear him out, there will be a reasonable explanation for his betrayal. I know it was just a kiss, but the chemistry between them was undeniable. I'm fooling myself if I try to deny that , it was there, very strong and so obvious. If it was to be portrayed as light then theres would shine as bright as the sun, and that scares me.
I couldn't bare to look at my sad and lonely reflection and made my way down to our kitchen for some hot chocolate. Sleep is calling but I need a chocolate fix and something to warm my cockles.
Exhaustion was not my friend today and as slowly walked through mine and Nathaniel's house, I wished he was here...
This foolish, and somewhat hateful bond of mates pulling me towards him still, but also the desire to have the one you love, love you back, in the same way. I had never doubted that before until today, I really felt like he had the same feelings towards me. But after today, I feel a fool. My mind wondered what it would be like to have a partner, a mate that loved you even more, how awesome it would be...
He would whisk me up, carry me home, help me get clean, soothe my aching body, wrap me up in his arms and reassure me that all would be ok. A single tear fled my dull eyes, leaving a wet trail down my sullen face as a humourless laugh escaped me. It's a bitter reality, when you know that ain't going to ever happen.
My feet tread slowly on the hardwood floors turning the corner to the kitchen. The picture before me sent a sudden jolt to my lonely heart. Nathaniel paced over and back in front of our patio doors and windows. He looked remorseful, it gave me hope and my heart beat a little harder. Maybe everthing Will -- be ok. I wanted to run into his embrace, revelle in all that was him. But again that pull was that mate bond and for whatever reason I was beginning to hate the power it had over me. Am I that weak? To run into his arms now would be, and the shame that burned within me that I could even have such a desire held me fast in my place. There is no way in hell I can do that, mate bond or not, I have more self respect than that, for now anyways. Goddess I really hope I can hold out.
It wasn't until he had noticed my presence that realisation of how naive I had been flourished. The remorseful look he held changed into a contemptuous smile. My hackles rose as he stalked his way over to me. An overwhelming fear flooded my body and I gulped down as he snarled at me. What was happening, is this truly about to go down. I could feel my body quiver in uncontrolled shaking. How did it come to this? Even Oreil was quiet fear had crippled her too.
"GET ON YOUR KNEES." He roared and I dropped, my body in survival mode. Tilting my head exposing my neck in an act of submission, awaiting what was to come.
"That's right whore, get on you knees right where you belong. On your knees, being my whore." He whisper hissed in my ear then laughed sardonically.
The impact of his hand on my cheek shook me as I stumbled slightly loosing my balance. The shock of the situation that I was facing made me numb I was struggling to believe that this was reality. My cheek burned with the sting and tears ran free on my sore skin. My breaths were ragged, my chest felt like a vice was squeezing and tearing my heart out, I was crestfallen.
I couldn't speak, only whimper crying my heart out. He stood looming over me dark and menacing. Never in all our time together had he shown any inclination towards such brutality, yet here I was on my knees at the mercy of his anger. Moments felt like an eternity, as he roared his mental abuse at me, occasionally adding a slap or two, to my now swollen cheeks.
I've never felt more helpless and weak in my whole life and still I could feel the pull of the mate bond, though weak and unmarked it was still there and disgusted me. I felt sick at the fact that I still loved him, his touch still sent tingles through me and I knew that Oriel even though she was quiet would still want him as a mate. How fucked up is the world I live in.
"NEVER disrespect or embarrass me infront of the Alpha again, infront of anyone! DO YOU HEAR ME WHORE! He roared at me and I nodded but whatever foolish stubborn part of me that existed deep down inside pushed through and I finally screamed back at him.
"I HAD TO GO TO HIM, Do what HE requested because he is the Alpha for crying out loud! I wanted us to keep our heads NATHANIEL!" I sucked in exhausted breaths and continued. "The embarrassment you felt wasn't caused by me, go look in a mirror you'll find the culprit." I stumbled over, lay on my back and looked at the ceiling. My hands lay by my sides and my legs lay were they landed. Trust him to turn everything around and blame me...
My fight had left, I had given up, I was despondent, beaten, broken, sad and heartbroken. What was there to fight for? I was lost to the horror of it all.
"YOUR MINE!" He fervently screamed. I wanted to scream out too, that I wasn't, that he could never claim me, I but I lay there, immobile as darkness fell over me. He dove down, pinning me in place. His canines extended, my mind and body struggled to cope, when they sunk deep in my shoulder where his mark had once existed and now would once again as he claimed me in most ferel beastly way. I was his now, when the bond stitched together again I screamed out, hating it with everything that I could. But nothing or nobody could stop what was bestowed by the Moon Godess and for the first time in my life I felt myself curse her for the beast that she had forced upon me.
He tore his canines out and I could feel them rip through my body, I shook violently for a minute or two, still pinned down by the beast. My head lay to the side, my sore swollen cheek flush with the cool hardwood floor. Then dread consumed me at the thought of what more was to come. Would he mate me now? Here? Fully claim me? Bile rose in my stomach, I wretched and my body jerked involuntarily. Closing my eyes I prayed for respite and sanctuary.
When he removed himself from me and stood, I kept my head turned away, my eyes shut, afraid to believe that was it in case I was about to be inflicted with even more pain. Turning my body to the side slowly, then without warning his large booted foot struck my stomach, a heart wrenching scream escape my broken lips.
"Learn well Paloma, dont fail me again. I didn't choose you for nothing. KNOW -- YOUR -- PLACE!" The bellowing of his voice ringing through my ears, I was never so happy to watch him leave. He had a monster deep down, hidden inside and for whatever unlucky reason I had coaxed it out. The vibrations of the front door rang through the house when he slammed it shut and I hoped he would never return, knowing full well I had no such luck. Then I curled myself up into the fetal position wrapping my arms around my legs, head tucked into my thighs and cried for all my pain, my beaten body, my broken heart my inescapable life, for all the hope's I had, that never would be, until finally shutting down. My eyes heavy, dry and sore when sleep finally took me into oblivion...
I awoke in the same fetal position, my chest tight with heartbreak. I was afraid to move, it would mean I had to face reality. Discover my injuries and figure out what to do. It meant I would have to face up to my brutal mate, that our relationship was now abusive. So I stilled myself even as bitter anguish threatened to consume my state of mind, I was not going to let this beat me!
With deep trepidation I pulled myself up, shocked with how quickly I had healed when I inspected my wounds. Even my once swollen face was returned to it's almost normal state. Just slight yellowing bruises remaind, I was shook when I pressed against them feeling minimal pain. I know wolves have good healing but never me, no I had always taken days to heal. Longer than most Wolves, better than a human but nothing like this. The ticking of the cuckoo clock drew my attention, my eyes drawn to the time as it finally registered. Eleven thirty... Eleven thrity, then it hit me the Alfa requested me at his office for twelve noon, Shit! That's all I need, but then I could speak to him about Nathaniel, he will help me -- he has to!
With determination, I gathered my strength my clothes sticky from dried blood, the stench of iron and sweat turned my stomach and I ran with all I could up to our room. Stripped down, hopped in the shower, once again greatful for the privilege of such a device. I was out, dried and dressed in no time.
I can do this, I'm strong enough, Godess I pray I am!
Everthing was a blur, the house, the drive way. The walk into town, stepping into the pack house, knocking on the door.
I can do this, Alfa Atreus will help I know he will.
Then I knocked, and nothing. Knocking a second time my determination beginning to wain, still nothing. Had I gotten the time wrong? No, no I'm not stupid, my mind was clear and I have a pretty decent memory. Twelve noon, that sultry voice still plays in my mind, I know I am right.
One more knock and I hear a grunt, assuming that was my que. I turn the knob and enter the Alpha's office, only to be met by him stark naked pounding into that fucking same bitch that kissed Nathaniel last night. She lay sprawled out for him on his desk, face down with the most malevolent smile across her face. Her eyes trained on mine while she moaned out in pleasure. The Alpha ignoring my presence, tears filled my now clouded eyes, lowering my head, filled with shame I fled the scene, shutting the door with a click and shutting down any hope for help. My breath hitched when I seen the pair of boots stood infront of me, I lifted my head and Nathaniel's swirling tumultuous eyes stared down at my now tear soaked face.