I had barely gotten any sleep when I woke up just before dawn. Kira was still sleeping. She was curled up in a ball. She had a restless night as she tossed and turned. I sat at my desk for some of the night as I watched her. My heart was breaking with hers. Eventually though I couldn’t just sit here any longer. It has been nothing but chaos ever since I told Kira she was my mate. Maybe we would have been better if I never told her. As that thought traveled through me, my wolf got angry at me. He was not happy, and he was restless all night. I decided we needed to go for a run and so I made my way out of the bedroom, taking care not to make a sound.
Once I was outside, I shifted and took off into the woods. At first, we were running at full speed, not even taking care to get a grip on where we were headed. After a while though we slowed down and took in our surroundings. Wherever we were it was dense and lush with trees and vegetation.
“We must go back; I want my mate.” My wolf was clearly not happy anywhere we went.
“Dude, when we left you couldn’t wait to get away. I cannot be there right now. Please just cooperate.”
My wolf huffed at me as we started a full pace run. I could feel him fighting me as we ran but I just kept to myself allowing him work through his feelings. I knew this was easy for him. And even though he sounded like me, he was his own being after all. I just wanted peace and quiet so I could let my mind rest after another bomb had been set off last night. I never expected it to come from my mate. Kira was such a kind and loving soul; it was hard to imagine she meant to hurt me. I knew she was torn up about it, that much was evident. I couldn’t help but think maybe she was just as confused as me. But I also could not help but think how strong these feelings were towards Luke. I didn’t want to imagine her with him, in any way shape or form. But what if she couldn’t help it?
After a while I started to feel my wolf relax as we went further up into the mountains. We heard a creek nearby and so we stopped for a drink. I couldn’t help but recall the last time we drank from a stream. We were so happy, and it felt like for the first time everything was going to work out. And now everything was falling apart again, after I had found my other half, even after she learned the truth about me. Not wanting to think about my time with Kira I told my wolf to head up the mountain so we could get our bearings.
We reached the top of the peak where it was the most gorgeous view I had ever seen. We could see parts of Lake Tahoe and the surrounding mountains. Some even had early snow on the peaks. It was gorgeous and I couldn’t help but feel that Kira would love this spot. We sat for a while and enjoyed the birds eye view of Lake Tahoe. As we did though my mind would not stop thinking of Kira and everything that came out last night. I didn’t even know enough to fully judge the situation. I kicked myself for that as I recalled how unfair I was to her. But I knew it was more than what she had told me. I didn’t know much about fated mates but what I did know is that once a wolf found their mate, that was it for them. They never found themselves attracted to anyone but their mate. Which made me think, are we not really fated mates?
“She’s Mine” my wolf spat at me.
Well that answered that question. So, then I was left with even more questions that needed answers, and again no one could give them to us. Just great… Maybe Kira has not fully committed to me since she had not marked me yet, or she was holding back. Which was causing her to feel things for Luke. There had to be some sort of explanation. There just had to be.
Once I was finished trying to make sense of things, I released it was pretty late in the morning based on the sun’s position, so we began our way home. My wolf’s pace seemed to be at full speed as everything around us was a blur, he wanted to get home to Kira. I didn’t blame him, as I did as well. But I was scared. I had been so cold to her last night. I wouldn’t blame her if she was mad at me for that but knowing Kira, she was just going to be worried about me.
Once we were home, I shifted back and headed towards my room. As I headed up the stairs, I saw from the wall clock that it was eleven thirty. I had to start packing otherwise I wouldn’t have anything to bring with me when we head to the pack house. I reached my room and opened the door. I was surprised to find Kira sitting on my bed with two already packed suitcases by her side. I couldn’t get a read on her, so I just stood there, waiting.
“Uh, hi Charlie. I was worried when I couldn’t find you. But I figured I couldn’t blame you for leaving. I packed your suitcase just in case, but you don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”
She looked like she was about to start crying again, the sight of her tore me in two. I thought seeing her would somehow make it better, but I just feel just as lost. Great. I shit the door behind me, for some privacy and took a few steps towards her.
“Look Kira, I still don’t know what to think about last night and Luke. I do know how I feel about you. I love you Kira, that hasn’t changed. I am still trying to wrap my head around all of this.”
“I get that Charlie. I don’t even understand it. I wish I did so I could comfort you more than I am now. I just guess I’m worried that you will end up hating me. Or resenting me for something I don’t understand. Honestly, it doesn’t even feel like something I can control even if I wanted to.”
Well, that made me feel better… Not. I subconsciously pinched the bridge of my nose; I was trying to stay calm and level headed. But at the moment I was really trying to figure out what to say.
“Kira, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say to that. But I do have to apologize for last night. I wasn’t fair to you, or your feelings. I have lived with you for 16 years and I know you would never intentionally hurt someone. I should have been more sensitive.”
I did love Kira and as I saw a few stray tears escape her eyes I moved closer to her so I could pull her into a hug. Her touch made me relax for the first time since our shower together last night. I needed comfort and so did she. She squeezed me so tightly it began to hurt, but right now, I did not care. It was our moment. It wasn’t perfect and it was being tainted by the elephant in the room. Or I guess a bear, but I ignored all of that right now, especially since we were about to leave our home and walk into yet another unknown situation.