His Ellie.

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Chapter 55

She was lying in his arms, he was playing with her hair, and then her calm breaths raised a new hell in his heart.

Guilt.

He should've told her by now, made it known that she was mated. He should've asked for her consent but since they were anyways past that, he absolutely had confront her.

But then again, if his guilt was only from not seeking her consent, but he had something more heavier weighing his heart. A sense of betrayal that had no right to exist, no right to plunge his slowly flourishing life yet again into darkness.

She was rousing and turned into him to nuzzle her face in his neck. He loved how she felt pressed tightly into him. Loved the feel of her naked skin on his, loved her breath warming him.

loved her.

And that was exactly was unsettled him.

He lay there till she finally woke up, his arm still around her, fingers playing with the ends of her hair. She was his, then why was a sense of dread making him anxious?

"good morning, milord." her whispered greeting brought his attention back to the present. Away from the willow where he had sucked him to his Amara's burial.

"Good morning, sweetheart." he whispered back and pressed his lips to her forehead. She looked ethereal in the early morning light that seeped from in between the parted curtains.

When he looked down at her face, he marveled at how she still got all flustered by such feather-light acts even after they'd made love with each other.

Her eyes made him even guiltier, his throat going dry at the thought of her reaction. What if she didn't want to be his? What if she didn't want anything more than casual fling with him? His own reputation with women did little to paint a good picture in her mind. He would hate to keep her against her will, but she was his...........his Ellie. He knew deep in his bones that there would be no peace for him if he ever let her go. She was his mate, she was his........and she needed to know.

As early as possible.

He sat up, he hadn't slept the whole night.

"Come, my love. I think a bath and then a breakfast awaits us." He didn't face her as he spoke, didn't have the courage to face her, even if he hadn't yet admitted his sins, the anticipation and dread of what was to come made it impossible to look her in the eyes.

In his bathroom, he opened the tab to fill the tub and went to the cabinet that held the soaps and herbs. he picked up a bottle with rose cleanser and stopped when Elle came up behind him.

"Lord Damien, can we take that one?" she pointed to the bottle containing the sandalwood soap, the one imported from the eastern lands.

"Anything you want, darling." He kept the bottle in his hand down on the shelf and picked up the one Elle had pointed to.

Amara had always preferred rose. Probably the reason why he always went for that one, he wasn't particularly fond of roses, but Amara had been and so he had got used to it. He turned around and watched Elle smelling the soap, from the bottle, and knew that he would be switching to that one now.

Another stab of guilt made him dumb about his surroundings.

He loved Amara. And now he was moving on.

The sudden realization of this transition made the very thought of accepting someone other than Amara unfathomable, disgusting. He was giving in to his lust. Had given in to his desire and possessiveness in the throes of passion and marked a lady as his own without her consent.

He was moving on, away from what he had once shared with his wife and he didn't want to. Didn't want to let go and move on with a life where his Amara was no longer there. Where she wasn't with him.

Elle turned to him and walked closer and closer with a shy smile on her face.

"Will you help me wash my hair, Lord Damien?" she asked softly.

But hasn't she been gone for long? Damien questioned himself? I didn't have Amara for so long, long since she was gone and since his son was killed and so much more. He'd been living off, surviving off on the memories that had always been on the fore front of his mind.

But since Elle had come in, she seemed to take that place effortlessly. The memories were shoved back in his mind, he was overwhelmed by everything that his Ellie brought with her presence and he was at peace with her. Had started to fall for her.

How evil.

"Of course I will." he smiled at her and took the bottle from her hands. The bath tub was far from filling up yet so he guided her to the bench beside the bath, making her sit down.

As he soaked her hair with water, he soaked in the realization that he was falling in love with Elle. He was giving her the station that once belonged to Amara.

The internal war that he fought with his conscience was so intense that he poured way more water on her than he intended, making her shriek.

He smiled to himself as she shook her head like a dog would to rid herself of the unpleasant cold and wet.

He poured from the bottle the soap of her choice and started lathering her hair up. How he loved such small pampering acts, they gave him opportunities to shower her with love, show her his attention.

"I love how it smells, woodsy and yet sweet, but not too much. Thank God you are helping me with my hair, do you know i dread washing my hair? It's a freaking chore! And it always leaves me with a headache. I mean they are so curly that they hardly dry completely and then -"

"I marked you." her careless chattering made him confess, pulling him in a state where nothing really bothered him or made him care. That state of okay where everything was alright because you were at peace with everything around you......mostly because nothing mattered.

He was guilt stricken, regret of marking Elle, fear of letting Amara go, guilty of choosing sandalwood over rose, afraid of how Elle would react. Nothing mattered.............probably because everything did. That made sense to him, sometimes things meant too much and thus meant nothing at all.

She stilled, a porcelain doll holding her breath as she processed what was told to her.

She turned to him, her face as blank as he felt within. An emptiness that claimed his heart over a replacement he had made unconsciously.

Her gaze was questioning him. So he clarified.

"I marked you in your heat, claimed you as my woman. You're mine now Elle, my accepted mate." as if this much of an answer was enough. Her eyes widened, fear maybe? Anger?

Damn! This really was no manner of treating her, or exposing something so vital. His own jumbled emotions were absolutely no excuse to just bombard her with the knowledge of suddenly being his mate.

He went around and with his eyes staring deep into the depth of her green ones, he took both her oh so small hands in his own before kneeling in front of her.

"I'm sorry i didn't give you an option. I'm guilty of taking away your freedom and I apologize for my crime. Ellie, my precious, I'd take any verdict you pass apart from the one where you leave me. I want you my Lady."

'My lady' might've been true but it left a sour after taste in his mouth. His Amara had been his only lady once. And now the tear falling down Elle's cheek suddenly broke his heart, sent him straight into panic.


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