His Ellie.

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Chapter 56

They say it's always within us.
That it's always from an enigma to an epiphany.
That the questions we ask the most to ourselves in the darkness are just us turning a blind eye to something we find unacceptable.
Something unfathomable that makes our whole belief and existence either crumble down to dust or opens a new door for us.
We are stubborn. We were born that way, with an instinct telling us that we deserve everything that we need and all we must do to acquire it is to demand. So we hold grudges and throw tantrums and someone's love for us always makes us continue to believe in our needs that never truly matter.
Aren't most of our needs just our desires wearing a cloak to cover their nature?

All his thoughts running wild within Damien came to a halt at the sight of Elle blinking indifferently at him. And for the first time since his Amara's departure, we took a moment to question whether his need for Amara was just his desire for her love which might as well have left him stranded when she died. But then again, wasn't he here in the moment? His want for Amara waging a war with his need for Elle within some deep part of his conscience.

He could once again feel his world crumbling down as Elle remained silent, her eyes serene and carefree, as was her whole being. She was calm, as collected as he was in the rattled.

"Ellie, darling you need to say something." He said so softly that the words echoed in his ears. A lump of anxiety he gulped down, wondering if he really did want her to speak. If she said something that he couldn't hear, I'f she said she despised him for seizing her freedom, would it not be better to linger in this nothingness that lied between her answer and his question?

An enigma to an epiphany.

He watched with a breath trapped in his heart as she raised a hand and with her trembling fingers she touched the base of her neck.
"Where is it?" She whispered to him, her eyes staring at him.
Damien in turn allowed his fingers to reach and caress the mark he had left on her skin. His eyes took in the sight as a pleasured gasp left her mouth, her eyes growing hazy as he continued to stroke her tender skin.
Damien leaned up, "here" he whispered before kissing the mark. She moaned in his ear.

" What're you thinking Elle, I need to know." He urged when she remained silent still.
Parting her knees, he slid in between, his arms wrapped around her waist as he looked up in her eyes.
"It means I'm yours, doesn't it?" She asked in a breath. Her eyes were steady as they looked at him.

He nodded his head. "Yes, My Lady, it does. It's something greater than any declaration of love or claim that exists." he whispered his answer, trying to gauge her reaction.

She didn't say anything for quite some time.

" Are you mine, Lord Damien?" She questioned instead.

He frowned at that foolish question. Of course he too belonged to her. No bonded man could ever look at another woman than his own. Not until the bond broke, which very rarely did.

" Lord Damien," she spoke before he could answer. " if I belong to you, and if you've claimed me like a possession, I will never be at peace knowing I don't have you that way." Her voice was growing softer, breaking down as she continued to speak. She looked down at her palms as she continued " I know how you go through women. They speak all about it. I won't live through it if.....if you ever desired anyone other than me. I want you to belong to me too." She looked in his eyes, her teary gaze making a valid demand which she feared wouldn't be true.

As he held his breath, thought of how invalid her insecurities were, thought of how she was probably at her breaking awaiting his answer, he'll forever remember that moment to be his epiphany. An epiphany that changed his life.

Elle had no reason to think that he would ever choose anyone aboce her. She became the only woman he could seek solace in the moment he said she was his. It implied both ways, the moment he said she was his, he too presented himself in the palm of her hand.

But was he truly hers?

" I want you completely, I want you in totality. No other way. I want to claim you as well." He watched as another tear slipped past her eye, watched as her chest raised and fell, as her throat constructed, heard her rapid heartbeat and thought of how much it matter to him.

And how he wouldn't truly belong to her in all the sense of the word. Amara still had a hold on his heart.

He loved Elle.
She was his mate now.
She was his queen.
She meant what Amara did.
She was now where once Amara was.
And he didn't want Elle to leave.

And where Elle stood now, he couldnt leave behind Amara as well. He couldn't leave behind his love for Amara. Couldn't forget the way Amara smiled, the way she touched him, couldn't move past the melody of her voice and the song of her heartbeats. Couldn't forget the way she died and even still, when he had Elle, he wanted Amara to live. To thrive.

Why was he so selfish? Why did he still want Amara? And why did he fall for Elle at all? So deep that he marked her.

For the first time since Amara died, since he hurried his son, since he buried the pain of losing his family, he cried.

Damien buried his face in her bosom, his arms tightening around her waist till there remained no space between their bodies whatsoever. And he sobbed to rid himself of the pain he had always carried within. He now realized that Amara was gone for all, but how could her live ever be gone?

He suddenly wanted nothing to do with himself, wanted to be someone else who hadn't lost his wife or fallen in love again. Wanted to be someone who was at peace with his own emotions, unlike himself who tried to tackle the havoc of all the different feelings inside him. For Amara, for Elle.

For the son he couldn't mourn.
For the dirty polity that rendered him so weak within.

" I can't let her go, Ellie. I can't forget Amara." He managed in-between his tagged breaths.

"I can't seem to move on. I still love her.."

He felt Elle's arms around his shoulders as she held him to her.

He was doing something he should've done long ago.

He was mourning his dead.

Freeing his heart.

He was worried that if he mourned he would forever leave behind the love he had found with Amara. And he denied to acknowledge that she had indeed abandoned him. He was afraid down to his marrow that he would forget and abandon her existence and presence if he ever mourned her, that he would bid a due to his love for her.
So he trapped it all inside till he couldn't help but fall apart under the pressure of it all.
How much could he handle anyways?
It was an epiphany indeed that he needed to let go the one who had left him.
No matter that Amara never indeed to leave, that he never wanted to accept her death.
But she was gone and he had to accept the unfathomable. He still loved her.
But he had to let go. He had enslaved himself and begged for his release even as he held the key to his shakles all along.

Maybe it was now time to use that key.

But now he feared the life outside that cage.

The enigma still prevailed, not within him but outside.

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