She stroked his hair, her nimble fingers moving into the length of his hair. Elle wondered why the man had kept it all within and for so long. And why he thought she would want to take Amara's place. No mister, she needed a place for herself, and not to be a replacement of someone whom he deeply loved.
The vampire king wept in her arms for the lady he had lost, for his son and for so much more. She understood where he was coming from. She too had lost a lot, not having something was also an agony in itself. She knew first hand what it felt to wish for something in life just never to have it at all. She had always been on the sidelines, wishing to have a father who would just toss her giggling six year old self up in air and catch her again. She had always wanted a mother who would call for her when the dinner was ready and braid her hair when she was done with bathing. She had always desired for a family who would look after her, whom she mattered to and who loved her as purely as Damien had his Amara.
She had had no one.
But she once had an aunt and then she had lost her too.
So much of not having what you needed the most also counted as losing it all because you always looked up to someone or other who had it all and wondered why you were destined to stay wanting.
But she knew for sure, that when and if her mother had ever returned, she still would never have stopped loving her aunt.
Love was like that.
"Damien, look up, Milord." she whispered.
And he looked up at her, his eyes full of misery and yearning, as if his soul was being torn apart in two.
She cupped his hard jaw in her hands and gently moved her thumbs on his cheeks. Bending down she kissed his forehead. She wanted so much more from him.
"How can you unlove someone, Damien?" she asked and looked deep into his eyes. His eyebrows furrowed and he stared at her, "How does one ever really just move on?"
Damien gulped as he looked up at her, his arms still tight around her, he was still kneeling between her parted thighs. Her warmth seeped into him, her calm and collected gaze putting his broken pieces together.
" When you give your soul and heart away to be accepted and loved, you can never really take it back. When you truly love someone, you do not just forget her and move on. Lord Damien, you can unlove her only if you can forget every good memory and moment that you've shared with her, can you do that? Forsake all the happiness and joy that you both harbored together?"
She watched as again a new war waged in his eyes, they became frantic, in the throes of denial as he shook his head a no.
She smiled down at him and brushed her hand on his forehead, so tenderly, so calmly, he wondered how a strong warrior was so broken in his arms.
"Moving on doesn't mean you have to leave someone in the past. It means accepting Damien. You need to accept that she is gone and you need to accept that world without her. Moving on doesn't mean forgetting her. Keeping loving her Damien, but love me as well. Besides, I'm too greedy to be a replacement."
She gulped at that, her breath matching his ragged inhales and exhales. Her chest burning just the way his was, her grip not tight but firm. Everything got blurry as she kept talking.
"I'm greedy, Lord Damien. I've not had anyone for myself for so fucking long................that I can't bear to have you undevoted to me. " She could hear as her voice broke, all the loneliness from her past threatening to break through the barriers of her restraint. "I'm too greedy to be a replacement. I want you to love me as who I am. You are never going to leave Amara behind, no one can leave their loved ones behind, at least not if their love is true."
She rested her forehead on his shoulder, feeling his warmth skin to skin, feeling as his fingers came to hold her head, then she rested her cheek so her mouth came to his ear. His fingers moving ever so softly on her hair.
"I've been alone for a long time Lord Damien, and now that I have you, I don't want you to think of me as a replacement. I don't want to be in Queen Amara's place, accept that she's gone and accept me. That's all I ask, Lord Damien." she breathed out.
He pulled her down so she was in his lap, her legs straddling him, and peppered her exposed neck and shoulder with featherlight kisses.
By Devil she was driving him crazy. More in love with her with each passing moment.
"Can you do that, Milord? Love as you love your Amara? I don't want to be her or be in her place. So either you accept me completely, or you let me. I don't care if you love her still, believe me you can't just forget her, all i ask is that you love me as well. She's gone, and she won't come back. Just like so many other people. You have to " she choked at that point. Her desperation, her yearning making her crazed as she imagined him actually leaving her behind because he believed he couldn't move on, couldn't give them a chance, because he had a sense that moving on meant unloving someone.
She wanted him more than her next breath in that very moment. And she feared his misled sense of love would break them apart.