“You’re not ready, my darling. You’re too young, we are too young!” He said to her.
She turned in his embrace to straddle him. Her arms going around his shoulders, her eyes a gateway to her messed up mind.
But she was of age. Women of her age had children by now. She was old by their standards. Women were married off by fifteen and had children as soon as possible. And what about Damien? Did he want a child? She knew he was old. His son was older than her when he was killed. Or is it that he did not want a child with her?
And then it hit her. That she might have already conceived. That even as they both spoke, his seed might have taken root in her. She might not have an option at all. Dread crawled up her spine, a feeling of helplessness making home in the pit of her stomach.
“Do you not want me to have a baby?” She said through a dry and cramping throat.
She was scared. Afraid of what would happen if she did conceive. Afraid of how her body would change. Afraid of the responsibility, that she wasn’t ready to care for a baby. And then about a child in her arms, a giggling baby running around in her room, playing around the mansion, calling her mama. She wanted to have that. To have a baby whom she would carry in her arms, to feed and sing stories to. To love. She would be a other she had craved all throughout her childhood.
But then that want seemed hasty and as if everything was happening before the time. Too early. Before the time. She felt as if things were rushing out of her hands.
Damien sighed and rested his forehead on her shoulder. Then his arms tightened around her, his lips finding her mark. He inhaled her sweet scent, her body still wasn't back to normal, her emotions on a high and her body still humming with need for him.
"I want a kid, Elle." She noticed how he didn't call her Ellie or with some other endearment. "I want a family. But I want it with you when you are ready. I want it when you crave to be a mother, when you want a child in your arms. Not because you went through your heat and had no other option.."
Damien kissed her mark and raised his head to meet her panicked eyes. He wanted for them to be at peace, but heat did that to a woman, put her emotions in a turmoil for a long time after it had passed. She wouldn't think much logically, only focusing on what she felt. And right now she felt as if he didn't want a child in her, with her. Just because he mentioned that she wasn't ready.
"We have time, Ellie. Centuries ahead of us. You'll go through your head every few months, we can plan, have a sweetheart when we truly are ready. Right now, you are too young, your body is too young."
And that was the part he feared the most, the possibility that something might happen to her. He had lost one mate, he wouldn't lose another. And he was pureblood through and through, his blood was the strongest, and her? He did not know what she was. And if she was of a pure lineage then their child might be stronger than herself. Carrying a baby stronger than herself would be her doom. His doom. It might kill her.
If he could prolong it, he would.
"We'll have a baby when you're a little more mature," he kissed her cheek, then her ear, "when you've ruled enough to now you can handle the responsibility of a kingdom and a child. Do not get this the wrong way, I mean nothing wrong, but we have an heir."
He again looked in her eyes to gauge her reaction. There was polity in play that she might yet not understand. But she was a clever lad, she was always a step or two ahead of him.
"Orion." she whispered and he nodded his head. Then leaned down to rest his forehead upon hers. She was his mate, soon to be his wife. That would make her the Queen of an entire race. His blooded son was no longer alive. And with no other child his throne was promised to Orion, the one turned and claimed as his own. Technically, as Orion was not borne by his mated wife, he would have no right to the throne Elle and he has a child. But Orion was his son. He had accepted him. He would be an older brother to his child.
"Our throne as a next ruler. Kings don't mate with their queens sweetheart, the reality is that they breed them for an heir. You might think of me wrongly but even when I loved Amara more than my life I had insisted on having a baby for my lineage to continue. I don't want to be like that with you. It's after I've lost her that I've learnt to truly admire you. "
Damien cupped her cheeks, looking her deep in her eyes. He wanted to know what she was feeling but she had put her walls up, she couldn't sense her emotions. It wasn't a good thing.
"All I say is that we have time. A lot of time. And no hurry. Orion is my son, Elle. And he cruel. He isn't truly what he shows himself to be. He is as vile as me, and his mind makes him even more evil than I might be. He is fit to be a king because he knows the ways of politics. As far as I am concerned, he has an equal claim to my throne as any of my children might have."
He closed his eyes, knowing things were not going in the way he wanted them to be. His words were getting diverted away from her to the throne. But that was inevitable, it came with the crown that he wore on his head.
He took a deep breath then opened his eyes.
"My precious. what I really want to tell you, is that we, as a couple are very young. You yourself are young. We aren't getting old anytime soon. We can have a baby when we are ready. For now, can't we spend a few years just being in love, the two of us? Be enough for each other till we really desire a child?" he asked in a hushed tone, leaning so his lips were brushing hers as she spoke.
Now he was concerned what she might feel towards Orion, what she was thinking about the throne and the crown going to Orion. What she would feel about their child. She would want the crown atop her blooded child, every queen did. He didn't desire an argument with her, a clash between them because of that. Politics often ruined good relations, he didn't want that for them.
"Say something, my sweet. Speak to me." He whispered. The sound of the moving water seemed so loud that it hurt his ears. He held his breath for her next words. He wanted to desperately know what she was thinking.
"I have known Orion to be the prince since before I meant anything to you. Why think that I was lust after the throne? Lord Damien, I want you not your title. That's as far as the crown is concerned." She whispered, then kissed him, her tongue darting out to lick it's way into his mouth.
"I think you're right about the baby part. I'm young and we have time."
That had him breathing a sigh of relief. Her own safety was also compromised. He kissed her back, ravished her mouth, his hand going to her head and caressing her hair. His other hand went around her waist and gripped her tightly.
“What if I’m already pregnant? What do we do then!?” She asked with frantic eyes when they parted for air.
“The herbs, my sweet. Your body won’t be able to conceive once you take them.” he answered and pecked her lips. “I was worried about what you wanted.” he hushed.
Then gathering the shoes she had removed earlier he stood up with his hands full of her.
She curled her legs around his waist and started carrying them back.
They were silent for some time, the tension hadn't left them completely. He had a feeling that all the talk of the crown would have an effect on her for a long time.
But then again, he was a king and being with a king meant that you had be prepared for the politics. If in the future if she demanded that their child be coronated, he would have to heed her demand. But he wanted Orion on the throne. The crown was his.
Orion was the future. And there was a reason behind it. Orion had demons of his own. And he had his secrets that only Damien knew of. Secrets that chilled Damien to his bones.
"I can walk, you know." she whispered, playfully tugging at his hair, a smile in her voice.
"Anything wrong with me wanting to carry my Queen?" he asked with the same playfulness.
"Un-huh." she shook her head. "give me a piggy back ride." she said. He turned her with an arm so she was on his back. She locked her legs in front and he carried her to their home. And he realized that earlier she had mentioned the mansion as his mansion.
"hmm?" she said, her chin resting on his shoulder, her cheek rubbing his own.
"The mansion is ours." he said, "It belongs to our family. You, me, Orion if he wants it, and any children that we'll have. It is yours too"
She nodded her head.
She had a shelter to return to as well.