Tell her I am sorry.
“I am so sorry, my love. Her body was simply too weak for her to hold on any longer.” That very sentence played inside Rey’s mind over and over again, ever since she heard it a couple of days ago.
It became her personal hell. It made Rey unable to sleep, eat or drink. She wasn’t even capable of functioning properly.
No one, not even Brynn excepted she would bear the news this badly. But they didn’t know what Rey did.
Elaine was gone. And it was her fault.
Rey didn’t go to say goodbye to her. Brynn and Lia tried their best to persuade her, talking all the crap about the closure, but she refused to budge. Not this time. It wasn’t the right place for her to be at.
The three of them went without her and didn’t tell her anything afterwards. Maybe they expected for Rey to start bombarding them with questions, but she didn’t.
She didn’t want to know. She didn’t want to know about Talon dressed in his mourning clothes with pain in his eyes. Nor did she want to know about the little girl crying for her mum, not knowing she would never see her again.
Rey just wanted to disappear. Pack up all her belongings and never look back. But she couldn’t even do that as Brynn said it would make them look suspicious or something.
As if she knew Rey was thinking about her, Brynn came barging in. She slammed her hands on the table and started: “That’s enough moping around, young girl. You are going to tell me what is going on inside that pretty head of yours and you are going to tell me now!”
“I have nothing to tell you,” Rey said, her voice void of emotions. “Please, leave me alone.”
“The hell, I will!” Brynn sighed and sat down on the bed next to her, her hand reaching out to grab one of Rey’s. “Talk to me, Rey. What is going on? Surely you cannot be blaming yourself for what happened.”
Rey looked at their joined hands and then lifted her tired gaze to Brynn’s face. Whatever the older woman saw, it was enough for her to say: “Oh, dear lord. You do blame yourself. Darling, that’s...”
“Stop!” Rey ordered. She couldn’t sit there and listen to Brynn’s sweet little lies. Not when it indeed was her fault. “Don’t say another word!”
Brynn didn’t listen to her. Of course, she didn’t. She didn’t have it in her blood to do so. “I will. Because you need to know, it wasn’t your fault.”
“Wasn’t it?” Rey scoffed the words out. “Can you look me in the eyes right now and say with clear consciousness that she would be gone even if I never came here?”
Brynn’s only response was the funny way her mouth opened into a shocked grimace. “That’s what I thought.”
But Brynn wasn’t going to let their conversation die just yet: “Rey, she is gone because her body and mind were simply too weak to endure it any longer. You have to keep in mind that she just went through birth, which is amongst the most beautiful moments in a woman’s life, but it also takes a lot out of her. Then her mind started playing tricks on her too. And I won’t even mention all the stress she went through these past few months.”
“Yeah. All the stress I put her through.”
“Okay, fine. I won’t sugar coat it for you because you won’t take it to your heart anyway.” She took a deep breath as if she feared what she was about to say would backfire at her. “Our presence here certainly didn’t help the situation, but there were billions of other things in the play too.”
“I know,” Rey choked out, a tear slowly sliding down her cheek. “But I wanted to save her so much. Why wasn’t it enough?” Now that the first one fell, all the others deemed it a good time to follow.
Brynn lifted her free hand to wipe some away: “I will share you in on a little secret, okay? Love is not omnipotent. No matter how much we wish it would be. We can love someone with all our heart, and they can love us back just as strong, and it still won’t be enough. For there are some people in this world that are so far gone, not even the strongest emotion is enough to save them.”
Her words made sense, but they still weren’t enough to mend a hole that ripped inside Rey when she first heard the news of what happened.
“I really didn’t want to disturb your pity-party, but I think you should have this.” Lia walked inside their shared house and tossed a piece of paper in Rey’s lap. “Someone from the pack gave it to me. She wrote it to you.”
Rey’s heartbeat quickened as she understood what Lia was implying. Elaine left her a letter. But why?
“There is only one way to find out,” Brynn smiled at her gently as Rey probably voiced her thoughts out loud.
She let go of Brynn’s hand. Her fingers shook so badly as she lifted the piece of paper and started opening it.
It wasn’t a long message, but it was more than enough.
Rey read the words over and over again, engraving them inside her mind, a new kind of determination filling her veins. If this was Elaine’s last wish, she was going to do anything in her power to fulfil it.
Her name is Caroline. Please take care of her for me. And when she is old enough to understand, tell her I am sorry.