Spiraling Into Infinity ( trigger warning )
( right after the rejection )
As I stumbled my way home my heart felt like it was dipped in hydrochloric acid I felt like I’ve been hit by a bus. I knew it was too good to be true but I could just find my mate and everything will be OK and that I would be saved from my abusive life. that was just a fantasy and this was reality.
I thought that once I found my mate I would not what it was like to feel loved and accepted, but sadly that is not the case. I am still stuck in a state of bone leanness and emptiness as my heartfelt vacant. I could hear my wolf whining in pain in the back of my mind. She felt disrespected and unappreciated and so did I. We both thought that I meet with except us that we would be free.
I mean who could love a mate as weak as me. My “parents “only fed me twice a week. hell, I was still in pain from the beating I received yesterday. Now I know what you’re thinking don’t werewolves usually heal quickly? the answer is yes but because of my Malnutrition, my wolf didn’t have the strength to heal me as fast as normal wolves. I was practically skin and bones and nobody could ever love a walking skeleton. I knew I had to keep dealing with this and eventually die.
With that as my last thought, I proceeded to walk more like stumble up the stairs to my bedroom and proceeded to sit down on my bed and write letters to my family and to my mate. I couldn’t take any more as I folded the papers up neatly and set them down on my dresser. As I walked down the stairs and out the back door that my brothers use one of the better they would shift into the wolves to let them out for a run. I broke into a sprint into the woods.
I was going to The only spot that gave me the stimulants of peace and my only sliver of hope. The place that my brothers used to take me when I was four when they cared about me.it was a cliffside that had the most amazing view of the town we lived in. you could also see all the stars as they lit up the night sky. It used to be something I loved but like everything else, the cliffside was taken from me as I was not allowed to go back there at the age of six. I shifted into my wolf and was running for a few minutes when I finally reached the spot.
I found my old favorite spot at the cliff and sat down. Again the tears streamed down my delicate face as I thought about all the shit everyone who was supposed to love me did to me. all the pain, all the suffering, all those times my pack and family told me I was a wast of space and weak. I must have sobbed for hours because the sky was different when I looked up. I knew my eyes were red and puffy as I could barely see through them. I looked down and thought to myself that the world would be better off without me.
I had nothing left to live for and nothing left to be hopeful about. I knew that this was my only option left and the only thing the would ensure my freedom. I took a minute to gather my last thoughts and then said my last words.” I hate you all for what you have done to me. you will no longer hold me captive and as a slave.” I said to myself. As I made the jump off the cliff I felt the wind whip against my hair as I free fell into bliss. my life flashed between my eyes as I hit the ground and everything turned black.
( after her suicide attempt while she in her coma )
It must have been a while before I saw a flash of light and a woman appeared before me. she looked absolutely beautiful and she also held a powerful aura. she had my hair color and my eyes she was super tall and slender and she looked at me and gave me the warmest smile. I couldn’t help but give her a smile in return. It was the first time I had smiled in eleven years and it felt foreign to me.
“my child if you keep looking at me like that you might need new eyes.′ she said as I gave her a confused look. “Do I know you?..sorry that sounded kind of rude,” I asked and she gave me a knowing look. “My child I am the mood goddess but you can call me mom.” she said and to say my jaw hit the floor would be an understatement. she was my mom? that is impossible. I was sure Anna and john were my parents. ( I don’t think I mentioned her “parents” names so here you go ) of course, it did found it weird they didn’t have a single maternity photo of Anna pregnant with me.
“I know it must be weird for you to find out this way but let me explain. I am not able to have children but I was able to bless someone with a child that had my blood and of my power. I watched her get abused, hurt, starved, and worse rejected by her mate. that one broke me, and to make matters worse she jumped off a cliff feeling like no one loved her or cared for her. when the one who loved her from the moment she was born was unable to soothe her heart. I have been waiting for this moment for a long time but unfortunately, you cannot stay here because it is not your time yet.” she said with slight tears in her eyes. maybe my “parents burned any proof that I was born a long time ago. they didn’t really love me at all not even a little. maybe they wanted all boys I will never know.
“Am I dead?” I asked looking around me as all I saw was black and light shining down on my mom like a spotlight. it was so weird being within ten feet of her and being so close to touching her. she was so radiant as her energy gave off a calming feel. looking at her I could see the resemblance between us. She looked like an adult version of me. so I guess it wasn’t out of the question that she was my real mom.
“what do you mean it’s not my time yet? you just said you saw everything they did to me and you want to send me back? I really don’t want to go back not after all the pain the pack has caused me. Please don’t make me go back.” I pleaded and begged her and she gave me a sympathetic look but I knew I would have to go back at some point. It pained me that I couldn’t have time to get to know my mom. but I also came to the conclusion that there were things she wanted me to know in the living world. but how could I go back to a family that didn’t love me and a mate the flat out rejected me. my emotions felt like they were in complete turmoil.
My mom must have noticed because I was in her arms as she ran her fingers through my hair in a soothing motion.” listen I know you must have fears and doubts about going back but your mate is waiting for you there. I know Julian rejected you but the poor guy has been by your hospital bedside since you jumped off the cliff. I know it’s going to be hard to forgive him and give him another chance but you have to because you will need him for what’s coming next. as for your family down there make them work for it. I am not at all happy with the way they treated you and I will behave quite the discussion with them in their dreams. I just came here to warn you that on your sixteenth birthday you will gain powers and they will be strong. they will help you in the war coming up. you have been strong for this long and all I am asking you is that you be strong a little bit longer and stick through it. I love you my daughter and I will be watching and good luck I will see you once it’s over.” she said as she disappeared along with the light and I was left alone.
(six weeks later)
I don’t know how long I had been in the darkness but then I heard his voice and the voice of luna Abby. “has she shown any signs of waking up yet?” she said sounding genuinely concerned it must have been a long time and in the time Julian had been talking to me but I was unable to open my eyes. it was like they were glued shut.
“Yes she was able to squeeze my had yesterday and her heart is getting stronger now. The doctors say she could wake up any day now.” He said as my wolf pranced around my head at the feeling of our mate being so close. but for me on the other hand? I wouldn’t be falling into his arms like he expected me to. I was mad that he had the balls to be at my bedside after what he put my heart through.
" The doctors also said to speak to her every day because she can most likely hear me,” he said and he was right I could hear all his promises of sweet nothings and I was helpless and could not get up and walk away.
“you know she is gonna need a lot of help when she wakes up and you will need to step up as a mate right?” and that’s when I remembered that my wolf was still weak and I couldn’t heal as fast as the rest of them. just great.
“yes mom I promise, and I promise that she will know what it’s like to feel loved and cared for. she will know what the sun feels like. she will know what it’s like to live in the light. never ever again will our pack be a symbol of darkness to her.” he said once again promising sweet nothing I would not get my hopes up for anything he said. I wouldn’t believe what he said at all until I saw it for myself.