Broken Whispers

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Chapter 17

"I just want it to be quiet," she breathed, sobs escaping a little. At some point Kellan had also moved, the bed dipping under his weight as he sat next to her, his hand softly stroking her hair.

"Ok. We will all take a breath. But can you put the pills away for a second? Just so we can talk?" Avery continued, his grip a little tighter as he tried to get her to meet his gaze.

"I don't want to talk. I want to sleep and pretend this day never happened."

Faye felt as Avery's hand came up and covered hers before gently taking each tablet out of her palm and placing them on the bedside table, each one clattering slightly against the wood.


Her gaze fell upon the white pile of pills once her hand was empty, a little shocked at how many she would have taken without truly realising. She took a deep breath before flicking her gaze back to Avery and then to Kellan, trying her best not to cry.

"We don't have to talk," Kellan offered, his hand still carving waves through her hair.

"I'm so sorry," she breathed out, trying to find the words to explain everything yet not enough to make him leave her behind.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I do. I kept my illness from you, tried to pretend like I was normal."

"Normal is vastly overrated."

"I should have been upfront and honest with you from the start. But instead, I just kept lying and hiding the truth from you."

"Don't worry. You weren't the only one," Avery quipped as he rose from the floor where he had been crouched. He sat down to her left, his hand sliding into hers that sent a wave of sparkles up her arm. Kellan didn't miss the motion and mirrored the movement, taking her right hand in his. A similar sensation crept up that arm as well, as if snowflakes has danced across her skin.

"Just... everything was perfect. And I ruined it."

"You didn't ruin anything. I'm not going anywhere," Kellan replied softly, his free hand coming up to tilt her chin, her gaze finding his instead of swirling about the floor by her feet. His piercing blue eyes seemed to sparkle as he smiled at her, no doubt trying to reassure her that the words he said were true.

"Unfortunately," Avery muttered, pulling her attention from Kellan.

"Why are you even here?" She asked, tone a little sharper than she intended.

"You hadn't been home in weeks. I was starting to get worried something had happened," he explained, sadness in his eyes. Faye squeezed the hand she was holding, realising that her mum and dad probably felt the same. It was probably why Avery had appeared to her at college, her subconscious trying to let her know that her parents might be worried.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have stayed away so long."

"It's ok. I'm just glad you're ok."

" long have you two known each other?" Kellan asked, voice sounding a little low as if the words almost came out like a growl.

"Forever," Faye breathed without much thought, Kellan's hand sliding out from hers suddenly as the word left her lips. He stood abruptly from the bed, causing her to sway a little in his absence. Her eyes tried to find his but his gaze avoided hers, flicking to the floor then the door.

"It's getting late. I should let you sleep. We can talk more tomorrow," he replied but his tone was empty of emotion as if he were saying the words but not meaning them.

"Um...ok? Is everything alright?" Faye asked, confused as to why a second ago he had reassured her that he wasn't going anywhere and yet here he was, leaving.

"Yeah, I'm just a little tired," he replied as he bent down, kissing her softly on the forehead, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah... tomorrow," she said, although she didn't believe it either.

Kellan left in silence, as if he hadn't been there at all. Faye watched him leave, trying her best to calm the torrent of emotions that threatened to tear her apart from the inside out. She continued to stare at the door long after he had shut it behind him, obscuring him from view, hoping he might turn around and change his mind.

But he didn't.

Why had she expected any different? Faye had known this was coming and yet it still felt like a shot to the chest, blindsiding her, making it hard to breathe.

"Hey," Avery whispered, his other hand coming up to tuck her hair behind her ear a little so he could see her face, "I'm sorry."

"It's ok. They always seem to leave in the end."

"I don't," he replied, a sad smile on his face. Faye leant against his shoulder, drowning in the connection she felt with him. His touch made everything a little better and she needed to feel better.

Faye manoeuvered herself so that she was lying down on her bed, Avery mirroring her movements as he laid down by her side, facing her. Faye smiled despite the pain in her chest, her hand coming up to brush the stray strands of golden blonde hair from his brow. She wanted to see his crystal clear blue eyes, like a glittering lake, as they gazed upon her face. She closed her own as the familiar sensation flickered across her fingertips, a small moan escaping her as it seemed to pulse through her entirety, as if soothing her raw, tattered edges.

As she opened them again, their eyes collided, something different in their gaze yet mirrored in each others. Faye was unsure what fuelled her next movement, maybe it was curiosity, maybe it was because she just didn't want to feel the pain that had settled around her heart knowing that Kellan had likely abandoned her, like everyone else. Maybe it was because Avery was her constant or was just because she wanted to.

Faye moved in one swift motion, her heartbeat trying to distract her as it pounded like it wanted to escape her ribcage. She pressed her lips gently to his at first, his staying still under hers either in shock or resistance. Their connection sent a wave of tingles throughout her entire body, pulsing out from her lips. Faye pulled back a little when Avery didn't kiss her back, his eyes wide as she broke the connection.

"Are you sure?" He asked, his gaze searching hers for the answer. She nodded, worried if she tried to speak the words would fall out all garbled. That seemed to be all he needed, his hand wrapping around her back, pulling her closer so that her entire body lay touching his.

His kiss was stronger than hers but still gentle, their soft lips colliding with equal parts need and affection. Faye instantly dived headfirst into him, opening willingly when he ran his tongue across her bottom lip. Her hands trialled his body, craving more of him as he held her. A gasp escaped her as his hand fell under her top and against her hip, the feel of his skin on hers feeling heightened, like fireworks were dancing across it. Faye pushed herself so she was sat on top of him, straddling him as she deepened their kiss. She broke away momentarily as she pulled her top free, wanting more of the sensation she had felt moments before. It felt so good, intoxicating, making everything else feel meaningless compared to it.

Avery's eyes seemed to ignite as he took in her body, her purple bra the only thing covering her upper half. She giggled a little as he stared in silence, not making any movement, just lost in her for a second. She tugged at his top and he removed it effortlessly, sitting up so their chests were millimetres apart.

He kissed her softly this time, teasing her, tilting backwards when she tried to deepen it. She nipped at his bottom lip gently as revenge, a low moan erupting from his chest before he wrapped his arms around her back, fingers splaying out at her shoulder blades as he kissed her feverishly.

Faye was unsure how long they spent in each other's arms, minutes passed like seconds, nothing existing outside the pair of them. At some point their kisses calmed, both of them drifting off to sleep still entangled. All Faye knew was how content she felt just lying with him. She ignored the voice that told her the entire night was a figment of her imagination, a cruel taunt from her illness.

Whatever it was theirs.

Her alarm shattered the perfection the next morning, the noise feeling like a jackhammer to her skull. Before her hand had dived out to silence it, the sound stopped, as if by magic.

"Avery? Couldn't you have done that before it woke us?" She smiled as she stifled a yawn, eyes still closed, relishing in the feeling of her head on top of his bare chest.

"That's beyond my powers, unfortunately. But not beyond yours," he replied, his voice sounding beautifully gravelly as the remnants of sleep clung to his words.

"How so?" Faye questioned, the latter end coming out as a squeak as the yawn overtook her, her body stretching out as if in ricochet.

"By simply not setting the alarm in the first place," he answered, his soft blues being the first things Faye saw when she opened her eyes. His lips came down slowly, hesitantly, as if he worried this morning might be different than the night before. Faye smiled, her hand splaying out across his chest, her fingers absentmindedly trailing soft whispers across his skin.

"But then I wouldn't get up."

"I see no issue in that."

"Of course you wouldn't, but college might," she replied, planting a kiss on his gorgeous, plump lips before pushing lightly against his chest in an attempt to get up.

"Nope," he replied before deepening it, his hands falling across her lower back, pinning her gently in place, "I don't want you to go."

"It will just be for a few lessons. Will you be here when I'm done?" She asked, not liking how her voice sounded anxious and weak, the ripple effect of the emotion filtering into her body, making it feel rigid in his hold.

"I'm not going anywhere. And unlike others, I keep my word."

His statement filled her mind instantly with Kellan, shame trickling out over like mucky bathwater, making her feel dirty. Although, it wasn't like any of last night was actually real. More like a fantasy, a dream, not cheating. Faye didn't believe any of the lies she was telling herself but she didn't have the energy to deal with her mental health crisis at that moment, nor did she wish to.

"Then just wait here for me. I'll be back for lunch, I'll provide the picnic this time," she smiled, trying her hardest to shove down the whirlwind that was currently whipping up a storm in her mind and chest.

Avery sat up with her as Faye finally peeled herself off him, stumbling a little as she desperately tried to find clothes suitable for class. She didn't miss how his gaze followed her, a smile permanently fixed on his face, eyes full of happiness. It made her chest hum a little in response, calming the emotions that wanted to drown her, quietening her mind.

After she was ready, she went back over to the bed where he was comfortably resting, taking his hand softly, enjoying the sensation that once again trickled up her arm at their touch. Avery stood up gracefully, the covers falling off him with a gentle thud to the floor. His hand came up to her face, kissing her as if it could say all the things he couldn't. When he broke away after, she felt slightly bereft, the absence of his touch feeling so much more now that she had almost had all of him.

"I'll be waiting. Forever and always."

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