Strange mood swings
Even after Crow brought me home and placed me gently back down on the ground, I still felt like I was floating on cloud nine. I waved at him from my bedroom window, he was still undeterred to leave. I had to coax him into leaving by telling him I would mind link Jerry before I fell asleep. Crow is the probably the most possessive of me than anyone else I know.
My lips still continued to tingle and my cheeks still crimson after that monumental kiss! What does this mean? Do we kiss all the time now? Oh, I wouldn’t mind that! Wait . . . what?! I thought to myself. Not like I had anyone else to compare it to, but my first kiss was with the alpha . . the Alpha-freaking Jeremiah! I’ve known him since I was in diapers. He would chase me around my nursery trying to change my diaper!
He was there when I learned how to walk, held my hands, guiding me around pointed furniture so I wouldn’t bang into the edges. He went with me to get my first pair of shoes with my Mom for first grade. He was like my third older brother and now, he gave me my first kiss. I couldn’t help my caress my rosy cheeks to my seemingly permanent swollen lips with my finger tips, reminiscing about the sensations that lingered even hours after the toe curling lip lock Jerry and I shared.
Changing into my fleece pj bottoms and a white cotton camisole, I quickly mind linked Jerry as I promised Crow.
Hi, Alpa. The voice in my head even shook with nerves.
What, no Jerry? He almost sounded saddened by my formality.
What, do you not like it when I submit to you, Alpha Jeremiah? Hold up, who’s in my head right now? That was just not me speaking.
Oh, no my dear Desdemona, in fact just the opposite. My sole mission is to dominate you, make you submit to me –
Okay, hold your horses. I cut him off, clearing my throat as I hear something in the back of my mind, almost purring.
Desi, are you there. What’s going on? Did he just call me Desi? Des, what’s happening? What the hell was that? He sounds as confused as I do!
I collapse face first onto my bed, screaming into my pillow.
Yeah, I’m here. I don’t know Jerry. I’m scared. I feel my body begin to shake as I curl into a sweaty ball on my bed.
Do you need me to come over? I’ll be there in 10 minutes. His head space was getting frantic, as if I could actually feel him pacing back and forth, Crow trying to scratch to the surface.
No, no Jerry. I’ll go talk to Mama. Take Crow out for a late night run, you know how that calms him down. If Mama can’t help, I’ll let you know. Instantly, I broke our link and ran to Mama’s room.
“Mama, Mama, please wake up!” I gently shook her shoulder as she lay sleeping on her side of the bed, I noticed she was holding Papa’s pillow in her sleep.
“De-Desi, what’s going on? is it the clan, your brothers?” She was half asleep when she jolted herself in a sitting up position, eyes starting to change to a black color. Rubi, her wolf was coming to the surface.
“No, Mama it’s not anything like that. Calm down Mama Rubi.” Both Mama and Mama Rubi calmed down and my mother’s eyes returned to me, the same shade of hazel, green with gold flecks around her pupil.
“Oh, shite, young lady. Do you know what time it is? Don’t ever do that!”
“I’m sorry Mama, but I’m scared. Something very strange is happening. I don’t know what it is, and I don’t know what to do . . .”
I could see my mother’s heart just break right in front of me. Immediately, I felt her hands grab my shoulders and pin me in her embrace.
“What’s going on my sweet girl? What happened tonight?”
I told her everything, even the kiss Jerry and I shared. How it made me feel, how there is nothing more I want than to have it happen again. How if I don’t feel his lips upon mine again, I will go insane. I wasn’t exaggerating. Something deep within myself came alive tonight and I was terrified I wasn’t able to control it. Then my mother reacted in away that I wasn’t quite expecting.
Pushing me away from her, she sighed. A simple sigh that meant so much. It described her frustration, her anxiety, and fear. Everything my parents felt since I was maintaining a dormant howl was felt within that one sigh thrust out of my mothers lungs.
“How long, Desi? How long have you kept these sensations to yourself?”
“I don’t know. Maybe since I visited Lennon two years ago to talk about mates?”
She ran her hand down her face. Abruptly, she took hold of my hand and led me down to the basement to where Papa worked on different “projects” he’d call them. Turns out, he would practice some of his druid rooted rituals. One of them was potion making and ways to heal chakras.
“Papa wasn’t expecting you to use the talisman as long as you’ve been using it. I think it’s backfiring and your beast is forcing a transition. That kiss you and Jerry shared, is making her seethe with energy and she wants to come out. You’re agitating her by keeping her dormant in the recesses of your mind.” As Mama spoke, she hurriedly ransacked Papa’s oils and herbs trying to find the right ingredients.
“Do you think that’s who I heard in my mind speaking to Jerry s-so, suggestively?”
Mama scoffed, “I don’t think honey. I know it was.”
Oh, no . . . it can’t be . . . Jerry’s not, n-no! I silently mulled my theories over in my mind. Does that mean, not one, but t-two! Nuh-uh . . .
“Mama, please find something. I can’t, I’m not ready for this! For them!”
Mama and her Ah-ha moments. “Okay, I think I have it figured, out. We need to balance out your heart and head chakras. It won’t keep her from communicating with you, but it will calm her enough to where potential mates won’t find you and it will keep her from shifting until you’re ready.”
Mama, began to create a Heart Chakra oil that was in a spray form. I would spray my body, my hair and my pressure points so it would absorb into my pheromones. It consisted of jasmine, lavender, and rose. Mama added geranium and sandalwood for good measure. These were all meant to calm my lycan down, force her into submission to my spirit. To show her, she doesn’t control me.
Mama also added to my talisman Papa made me. He only gave me obsidian and amethyst. But, Mama thought I should have rutilated quartz, diamond, Sapphire, and Scepter Amethyst. These gems will help balance my animal spirit and my physical form, allowing me to continue being the leader of my physical vessel.
Mama told me that with all these gems in one pouch will work congruent with each other and at least give me another two years until I’m fully matured. After that, we can’t hold her back. Either she will no longer exist or she will punch her way out. I sleep with the talisman pouch under my bed, then I carry it with in my my pocket, backpack or purse at all times. The oil has to be sprayed on me everyday, especially after I shower and on my pressure points, my wrists, behind my knees, rubbed on my temples, in between my cleavage and behind my ears.
But, she can still communicate with me. After Mama, tucked me into bed, she placed butterfly kisses all over my face and wished me a good night.
As she stood at the door, about to shut my light switch on the wall, she asked, “so how was your first kiss?”
Smiling to myself I confessed, “it was better than nice, Mama.”
Grinning, she blew me a kiss, shut the light and closed my door.
I’m sorry for frightening you, Desi . . . I heard the sweetest voice next to my Mama’s voice in my head.
“Who’s speaking to me?” I whispered aloud.
The voice giggled. You don’t have to do that, just think it and I’ll hear it. I was born with you. My name is Corah.
Wait a minute, that’s my middle name. I shared with the voice.
I know; Athair did that on purpose. When we were born, he named us.
Corah, why are you sorry?
Because, I hurt you. I frightened you. I know you have goals for yourself. I know you want to experience things, a “normal” life and I keep you from living your life.
I felt so guilty. Was I so selfish that I could actually be causing her irreversible harm just because I want to live my life without a mate or mates?
Corah . . . she stopped me from continuing.
No, don’t do that Desi. We’re sisters. You need a life too, but I can’t promise that I will stay dormant forever. She wasn’t threatening me or being argumentative, just honest and I didn’t expect her to stay hidden for long. But, I also couldn’t promise I wouldn’t do what I had to to protect myself. I had two years to figure things out.
Two years . . .
My birthday party and an uninvited guest
December 15, 2007
After a rough week of tossing and turning, it was finally my birthday and Mama was up with the dawn getting my surprise party ready. Yes, a surprise party I was made to help decorate for. The only surprise was the guest list. I’ve been ignoring Jerry since our kiss. I mind linked him last night telling him I was going to bed and I’d see him at my party tonight. He was trying to talk to me, telling me that our friendship will never change. That our connection is beyond friendship, whatever that meant.
“Desdemona Corah Patchett, get out of bed now, shower, come down to eat and then we have to go and get your decorations, cake, all that good stuff.”
Ugh, she could kill a buzz if I was on one. I thought to myself.
“I heard that!” Damn lycan hearing. Hey, I didn’t say that out loud.
“Desi . . .”
“Goddess, woman I am moving! Sheesh . . .” Eyes roll as I roll my aching muscles out of bed.
Passing by my window, I spy two large beasts in broad daylight - just beyond my backyard fencing, I feel their eyes burning into mine - Crow and Wren. As Crow bowed his head to me, Wren looked like he was snarling. But as quick as he lifted his lips to show his teeth, his expression softened without Crow nudging him. I couldn’t take my eyes off Wren.
Wren stood nearly as tall as Crow, 7′1", but golden brown partially furred lycan. He was bulkier, more defined and toned muscles. Even his beast form had matching tattoos to Tanner. His eyes were golden in color. His facial features were narrow and sharp, his lips were full but slightly thinner than Crows’. However, still tasty enough to loose myself in. Even though Corah was forced into dormancy again, I still felt her. I still heard her, she was more a whisper now. As we continued to stare each other down, Wren reluctantly bowed his head to me before he ran to catch up to Crow.
I could hear her breathlessly howl.
After my 15-minute scolding hot shower. Yes, I like near flesh burning showers, I entered into my closet pulled out my favorite pair of white jeans, long sleeved off white boat neck shirt, a cozy light grey and white poncho and knee high brown boots.