Sereia Marinda Hanon
Breathe. Dream. Swim. Repeat. Breathe. Dream. Swim. Repeat. Breathe. Dre...
Who am I trying to fool? Being in the water isn’t as it used to be. It doesn’t help heal the wounds left behind by that monster. It doesn’t erase the pain or the feeling of knowing what I had with Marilla is now broken. It doesn’t fill the void left behind.
I’ve been trying. Goddess knows just how much but pain and heartbreak can’t be cured so easily. And not to mention broken trust. A few words aren’t going to cut it. Or a few moments like old times. I still can’t get past it and am constantly reminded of it when I see him and sometimes her. It’s funny how we’re both deteriorating from recent events but I was the one that was in danger. I was the one that needed to be saved, by her and she never showed.
I want things to mend and go back to normal but life doesn’t work out that way. Every time I feel I’m moving forward with her, I remember the hurting of her betrayal by being with that monster. His voice still plagues me deep and can’t be washed away.
I can’t do this. I swim to the surface and take a breath of air but it seems like none is reaching my lungs. It just hurts. I swim towards the edge and use my arms to get out of the water to sit at the edge with my feet submerged in the water. It hurts but I want to try. Why can’t I move past this? I know she thought I was dead but...
I kick the water slightly looking down into it and feeling nostalgia. The feeling I had of Marilla and I being one with the water but a distant memory. I want to forgive her and be one with her once more but it hurts too much. It hurts and I can’t help the feeling that I’m letting everyone down. A feeling that eats me alive.
I see Marilla resurface and she gives me a solemn expression. She knows I don’t mean to hurt her but it’s a feeling that can’t be helped. I’m going to keep pulling away until the day she can prove to me that nothing ever changed if she can prove so to me. I wish, I knew what would enable me to allow her back in to do so, but I don’t.
“I’m sorry,” I voice at her and she dives into the water once more before resurfacing before me.
“I let you down, I don’t expect to mend that overnight. I know, I broke you including your trust. I should have been there and believed the worst. I should have searched for you. I should have known you lived and found you to confirm,” she conveys with tears in her eyes. Tears that break my heart. She thought I was dead and was broken by it. But I wasn’t. I needed her to save me.
“You know I forgive you, right?” I offer in consolation and she nods her head to sway it side to side.
“I know but it doesn’t mend our connection or regain our relationship. I miss my soulmate and am more broken about it that I broke her. Worse I...”
“You thought I was dead,” I mutter.
“Yet that doesn’t help you heal or restore what we once had. I made a mistake that ruined what was between us both. You’re my better half. Ascelin may just be my forever love but you Sereia will always be my soulmate. We swim together and shall drown together whether we’re apart or mended,” she affirms me and I nod with tears in my own eyes.
“I killed four wolves Marilla. I can’t get them out of my face. Their corpses. I tried to use a water spell to break free when I thought he had you. I thought they had you. It wasn’t strong enough and reacted against the witch’s magic. They were near and died,” I reveal offering a little olive branch. It is killing me to know I killed four innocents. I need her.
“It can’t be, the water is harmless even if against a witch’s power. It shall never harm an innocent. It is deadly against a hunter but never an innocent bystander,” she attempts to calm my heavy heart. I know that but I burned their bodies to a crisp leaving them unrecognizable. I’ll never know if they were actually a foe or just innocents. The not knowing is killing me. And none of these wolves will let me know and it isn’t like I can ask.
“Their bodies were unrecognizable. I’ll never know for sure other than what is told about them, young guards that were about our age,” I say amidst the tears.
“No, I’ll prove you wrong. You would never harm an innocent. We aren’t able to. We’re too pure for that, the Ocean Blue would never have it,” she says before propelling herself out of the water. She extends her hand out to me and I take it. She pulls me up and hands me a towel before taking one for herself. We each wrap them around our bodies without letting go of each other.
She then guides me back into the castle. I follow her giving her everything of me I still can. I miss my best friend even if she is still here. We hide things from each other now. I haven’t mentioned Ziva and she keeps quiet about the vampire. It’s a feeling that only intensifies the void left behind. But I can’t handle even his name.
She drags me through the hallways stopping before the study. His study. Roul’s home office. Marilla gives me a reassuring smile before slamming the door open and pulling us inside. Inside are Roul, the vampire who stole her from me, Shirley, Zoe, and the purple-haired person who hates me. No doubt the witch keeping me prisoner.
The vampire’s eyes go to Marilla with an aching need in them but she looks past him rolling her eyes at him. She surveys the room looking at Shirley and Zoe with interest before locking eyes with Roul. Her stance becomes protective and fierce demonstrating to me just how much she truly loves me. But sometimes love can’t fix it all. Sometimes actions were better required.
“The wolves I want their picture and I want it now. You may have weakened and beaten my soulmate to believe a lie but it won’t fly past me. Either I see it or I shall make hell sweep your territory. Your choice and do not underestimate me,” she warns him. She wants to prove to e they were a menace but what if they weren’t. What if they were just innocents?
“Excuse me?” He inquired from her but Marilla smiles coldly at him.
“You are excused and your Alpha King command does not work against a queen. You may try it but it will not work. Do so to your dogs, not me,” she exclaims and his eyes turn furious.
“Hali!” The vampire tries to forewarn her.
“What if they were...” I whisper to her. She whirls herself back to face me. Her hands settle on my arms gripping me tight but not to hurt me. Her eyes call out to me and I can’t help but lose myself in them and look into them as she wants. She smiles at me thankfully.
“Look at me, they weren’t. I can assure you they weren’t and I will prove it to you. I’ve never lied to you before and I never will so trust what I’m saying and I’ll prove it to you,” she voices and I nod wanting to trust her with everything I had. She had never lied to me but... No, I have to have faith in her and all of them.
“I trust you,” I whisper and her eyes warm my heart. I know she’ll never lie to me, I just can’t trust her with my life or my darkest sorrows, secrets, and pains. That hurt but I have to keep trying even if it hurts. They need us and I don’t want to let anyone down. I need her and despise this feeling. I’ll do my best to trust her. Even if it places me in unimaginable agony.
“Don’t if it causes you pain, we’ll get there. I promise,” she whispers back and my heart swells at how well she knows me. I nod and she smiles before facing the rest of the room once more.
“Marilla,” Zoe speaks to her and she shakes her head at her.
“Not now Zoe. My soulmate needs answers and I’m getting them for her. Now you have five seconds because I feel rather kind or...”
Marilla Hali Conway
“She’s coming. Do not trust her, you must destroy her before she ends the life of the sea,” the same mermaid from my dreams whispers and I feel Sereia’s grip on me tighten. I turn to her to see her facing in the direction of the mermaid. “She lies, do not let her take your throne. You’re the true queen, she lies. She’s coming. Stop her, stop her!” She screams like the shrill of a banshee. It’s so loud Sereia and I crouch down covering our ears.
“The queen lies,” I hear Sereia whisper and I turn to her to see her holding her hears. Her necklace glows lightly as she grips onto me tight and I gasp as I’m overwhelmed in pain.
“Mom, it’s okay. Hold in there, they’re coming for us. You’ll see. Marilla and Sereia are coming,” I hear a woman with light blonde hair speak as she grips someone’s hand tight in a bed. Next to her are a man and a boy who seem vaguely familiar to me.
“The queen lies... tell.. her... the... queen... lies,” I hear and my heart stops cold. I know that voice. I walk towards them and am astounded by what I see. Venilia on her deathbed with my father and Caspian standing next to her.
“She knows mom, she knows. Just keep strong,” the light blonde hair woman tells her. Mom? Venilia only ever had two daughters and one of them died. Oh my goddess it’s Merise. It has to be. I look next to me to see Sereia.
“Our daughters are coming to rescue us,” my dad assures Venilia and I lock eyes with his face. Scars covering him as he dresses in ragged clothes. He has stained blood seeped onto his clothing. He bears bruises as well and seems to have an injured leg. Caspian bears a scar on his face and appears just like my father. They look so broken. No. Goddess no. Please, this has to be a lie. They can’t have been alive and living this hell.
Sereia’s grip tightens around my hand granting me support and comfort in a moment of despair. They’re alive. Oh, goddess. I couldn’t have believed it but now I’m seeing them. They look terrible and in so much pain. My mother is trying to have a child with another because of what she lost. Sereia’s father is having a child with another woman without knowing his whole wife and daughter live. Caspian’s eyes lock with us and tears spark down his eyes.
“Save us, save us,” he speaks to us and they all whip their heads towards us as if we are being seen. They smile with sadness at us and with hope without knowing what I did. Oh, goddess. No. I doomed them. Tears roll down my eyes as I’m overwhelmed with realization. This can’t be true. I couldn’t have sentenced them to death. No.
“We will,” we whisper in unison without being able to help it. A heartbreaking moment to see. To live. To anything.
“Beware... of ... the... queen... she... lies...” Venilia whispers from her bed and we nod. Soon the image fades to be back in the office with everyone else. Our family somewhere else. Tears overwhelm my eyes even further to think of my betrayal. The consequences of mating with Ascelin.
Sereia Marinda Conway
Marilla bears a pained expression on her face as tears flood out endlessly. Her heartbreak is evident over what we just witnessed. The first time she sees them and can fully understand my pain. She breaks as she gazes onto nothing. Her knees grow weak as she falls onto the floor. I am able to grab her mid-air, holding her tight.
“Tell me I didn’t. Tell me. It has to be a lie. No. No!” She grows agitated as my arms wrap around her in a desperate attempt to console her. Seeing her like this breaks my heart as much as it does me. I can’t let her break and not catch her. It isn’t what I know or what I want. “NO!”
I grip onto her tighter as she comes undone in my arms crying in pain to seeing our family. Knowing the true extent of it granted her pain. An undeniable pain that seemed inescapable. She was drowning along with me and I really didn’t want her to drown even further in guilt but had no way of stopping it. It was just inevitable.
She mumbles incoherent mumbling that I can read all too well. She’s my soulmate and I know her better than anyone as she knows me. Her tears become even more frequent and desperate as she clings onto me for dear life and I hold her as tight as I can. Still, the void between us stands and we can’t fully heal each other or take one another’s pain. It doesn’t work that way at the moment. I needed her and she needed me but something still separated us.
The vampire wants to grab her but I don’t let him and I see Zoe preventing him from doing so. She’s a half-breed witch. She can see things others can’t but she doesn’t know what we are. Marilla screams into my chest as our tears stream into unison. The pain just blindsiding us both. Seeing was a different kind of pain than guessing. She hoped they were alright but she saw different and we were both broken by it Regaining my trust was not an easy task.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers in my arms and I nod knowing she is. Sorry just doesn’t cut it. It doesn’t erase the pain or suddenly restores our trust. Our bond won’t be mended by a few words. I needed more. I needed her to prove it. I can believe her but it doesn’t repair anything. It doesn’t fix anything. Love won’t fix this. It isn’t enough.
“I know you are,” I whisper in between her sobs. I know her and I know me. She broke my trust and I broke her heart. She thought me dead when I needed her. I broke her heart by being captive. My supposed death killed her and that monster killed me. We needed to mend our trust and souls in each other. Easier said than done. I love her as much as she does me but we hurt each other so much already even if we didn’t know it.
We’ve made choices since apart that have affected us. Changed us. But we have to make-up. We have to fix everything. It’s the only way to save our family but the pain is just too great and I think she just realized how much and how deep both our wounds are.
“I wish I...”
“I know,” I voice out reading her mind. We were soulmates and were meant to heal each other be one with the water always. But right now we couldn’t and we both ached for it. We were broken by it. We needed each other and to be one with the water but right now being near one another was hurting and maybe it wasn’t the best thing or maybe it was toxic but our people needed us. There were more people with our family and we needed to set them free. But how could that be done when we were so broken.
We couldn’t be transparent with one another. We couldn’t be one with the water and we couldn’t trust one another. She feared I would die on her and, I, that she would let me die. She feared to open her heart to me and, I, my soul. We wanted so desperately to be whole once more and be soulmates till infinity but what if we couldn’t? What if we had broken each other too much?
We would be the cause of our people’s suffering but how could we mend all that broke? Was there really a way to be one with her once more without causing even greater and deeper pain? She’s my best friend and I need her as much as she needs me but how can we fix this? Neither one of us has an answer but we want so desperately to try even if we break further by it. The love of a soulmate is something that can’t be broken and if so needs to be restored. I would do everything I could to do so.
Not just for my family or the merfolk. Not for the Ocean Blue or the water. Not for anybody but us. She was my world and I needed her back as much as she did. She’s the only one that knows how to place me back together as I do her. We’re one and the same. We can’t lose each other now that the war is starting. She’s my forever. I need her and I will forgive her. As well, I will gain her forgiveness. I know we can restore this and be free of the pain. I don’t know how yet but will do everything I can for it to happen as I know she will.
Our bond can’t be broken forever, it has to be mended because if it can’t I don’t know what will become of us. We don’t know how to live without one another. I really hope it was strong enough to overcome this or I will perish. I will die without her.