Suicidal in Heaven – A Journey of Choices

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2

II

Following the light I see its lie, for as my eyes settle to the brightness I see the truth. And it would have been better to stay in the dark. There are truths that should never be said, and this was one of them. But the truths that should never be said are the only ones that truly deserve to become known, I couldn’t fool myself about it, I couldn’t not know.

I’m in a white environment, some kind of smoke turns this place into the set of a horror movie. The mist hinders my vision, but I don’t have to see to realize what’s happening. I know these white tiles, I know what the blurry mirror would reflect if there was no vapor on its surface. I feel the water running from the tub, soaking the bathroom floor. I wished for the tub to be the shower, so that there would be a curtain to close. I know that I would have to open the curtain, but I like to think curtains make an insurmountable obstacle. But the truth is they wouldn’t be.

I get closer to the tub and the water continues to flow from the faucet, making it overflow. But now, it’s not just the transparent liquid that soaks the floor, and as I see the red liquid I begin to understand.

I close my eyes, wishing not to see it, knowing I have to. I only put off the inevitable. I’m not afraid, or, at least I try to convince myself about that. Time passes, I don’t know how long, probably not much, even though it seems an eternity. Even without seeing I kept walking until I felt the wall rising. I sat on the floor and put my arms inside the tub. The overflowing water warmed my freezing body, and burned my arm. It was then that I opened my eyes and saw it.

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