Suicidal in Heaven – A Journey of Choices

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61

LXI

I start walking, just to stop after two steps. I crouch, and on the floor that looks like a cloud but it’s solid (maybe frozen from the cold, hence the similarity to a frozen lake) I find the GPS. It is the proof I was in hell. I activate it, pressing the button on its superior part, it stays the same, just two icons on the initial screen. It stays almost the same, actually. The only difference, and I’m probably imagining it, is that the icons look much more friendly. I’ve seen the icons as eyes, but now they look like eyes smiling at me, comforting me, saying it’s all ok and convincing me everything will be fine. I know I’m imagining this, but I believe it. I believe it so much I hug the GPS.

The voice comes out of nowhere. First it’s just one, then another, and another and another. Therefore, infinite voices. They’re singing, it’s a choir. The sweetness and perfection of the voices and songs tells me they’re angels. And they sing just one thing: my name. To sum up, a choir of angels call my name. I follow the sound, and soon I find myself in a completely identical and different place from where I was. The celestials stop their singing, and they all smile when they see me. An honest smile, a smile so big and contagious that soon I’m smiling as much as them. They’re truly happy to see me, almost euphoric, and it’s reciprocal. What I’m feeling it’s a very pure joy, almost as pure as the one I’d felt when I “merged” with Lucifer.

They open themselves, just like the Red Sea to Moses, but opposite to the intimidating wall of water that Moses must have seen, all I see is welcoming. There’s nothing to make me think twice before I go through them. Not even the fact that I was a suicidal in heaven makes me stop before I surround myself with celestials. I’ll be fine, I’m certain of it. And I’m sure of that because the angels assure me of that. Their smiles, their voices, their feelings are so pure and their tender look give a clear message that they don’t see my as a suicidal, as a sinner; to them, I’m perfect. In their eyes, I’m someone who o deserves heaven, and to me as well. I feel surprised when I realize I see myself this way too, but it’s true. For the first time in my life, I’m really in peace with myself.

I go through the sea of angels and get to a sign. It’s blue, the white, huge handwriting is labored. But opposite to fonts that just imitate a pretty handwriting, they’re easy to read. It’s not necessary focus and imagination, you just need to look at the letters and recognize them. There’s no doubt that God Himself wrote the sign. It’s His handwriting, I’m completely positive. The sign is simple, minimalistic, one would say, but extremely elegant. It informs me of what I already knew, I’m in heaven, in paradise. It also tells me that, currently, a little over 52 billion people (souls?) reside in God’s kingdom. The sign, which is of a transparent blue, and I don’t know how I missed this detail before, shows the golden gates of heaven. I walk towards them with confidence.

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