I pulled my shirt over my head and looked back at the sleeping girl. Her mouth was slightly parted, and the cover had fallen exposing her chest, faded bite marks included. She didn’t excite me. I only used her to get rid of my frustration and to feed. The girl wouldn’t remember me when she woke up. She’d be sore from the bites sure, but there would be nothing there. Just light bruises.
She was lucky I didn’t kill her.
I closed the door behind me and walked down the road, feeling the cold air brush against my already cold skin. Even though I fed on her, her blood didn’t satisfy me. Her blood was plain and dirty, but I hadn’t fed in a while and I needed it to keep going.
That’s who I wanted but couldn’t have. My brother had her and I couldn’t take her from him. Even though it was painful to know that the girl I loved was in the arms of my brother. If I was a bastard like my father, then I would have killed my brother and taken her. But I couldn’t.
Theo was my baby brother and I loved him.
“Fuck,” I cursed, and I crossed the road and went into a shop. I needed something to drink and hoped it would drown out my pain. Not even fucking strangers were helping. All I could think about was Emily's face when I was with them.
I was so fucking pathetic. How could I fall for her, knowing my brother was in love with her?
The shop was busy, full of humans buying booze for a house party or to get drunk in fields. I just wanted to get drunk and cry myself to sleep like I did most nights. I barely slept and even when I did it wasn’t a long sleep.
I walked over to the booze and grabbed a box of beers and carried them towards the checkout. Some kid bumped into me and told me to fuck off.
“What did you say?” I said, and he and his friends laughed.
“Told you to fuck off. Dick head,” The guy laughed along with his friends. I ran my tongue over my teeth “You got something to say?”
I smirked and grabbed the front of his shirt. I slammed him into the shelves, lowering my mouth to his ear “I will rip your throat out if you don’t get out of my sight.”
The boy almost pissed himself as I flashed a fang. He screamed and ran away. I only had to glance at his friends for them to do the same.
I paid for my alcohol and headed home. It wasn’t home. It was a small, cheap flat above a shop, but I needed to stay there until I was brave enough to go back to my brothers. To Emily. I couldn’t face any of them until I sorted my head out.
When I told her I loved her, I felt like a weight had been lifted. But it was soon replaced with pain and hurt. Theo didn’t trust me around her and I didn’t blame him. He knew something was up, but he just thought I hated her.
I just wished I hated her. It would be better for me and her. My brother as well.
The sofa in my small flat was uncomfortable, but I had learned to deal with it. I ripped open the bottle and downed it, not coming up for any air. The burn was welcoming and painful at the same time. I had to feel something. Even if it was agony.
I rested my head and closed my eyes.
Before I knew it, I was crying. The warm tears fell down the side of my face and I gripped hard on the bottle, wishing the pain would go away.
“Fuck!” I shouted, and I threw the bottle across the room. It smashed, and fragments of glass flew around. I gripped my hair as I cried, and I felt a scream escape my mouth. My body shook as I cried, and I wished that things were different.
How stupid could I get?
I let myself fall in love when I promised myself that I would love no one. Love wasn’t something I could do. I couldn’t even love myself. I was the most violent out of my brothers. I was always in trouble. I was a disappointment to my parents. My mother even ran out because of me. My father blamed me for everything.
I was just a killer.
I had tried my best to be the son my parents wanted. So much, that I stopped caring for my brothers. My father wanted me to be the strongest, but I wasn’t. I was the weakest. I always put up a front of being strong and not let anything affect me.
But here I was screaming in pain because the girl I loved didn’t love me back.
It wasn’t her fault. I knew she loved Theo from the moment I met her. Such an innocent kid. Such a beautiful, innocent child. Then she moved after my father threatened her mother, and I thought it was fantastic. Fantastic that my brother could find someone else.
But she came back. She came back, and I didn’t want her to leave. Ever.
Theo had a good girl and in a way, I hated him for it. But I deserved to suffer. I wasn’t a good vampire. Not like my brothers. I was just like my father. I was destined to be in pain because of what I had done. My brothers didn’t know what I had done, and I wanted it to stay that way.
They would hate me for it. Fuck. Even I hated myself for it.
I looked at my table and saw the lighter sitting there. I had always wanted to go out with a bang...but I could never be brave enough to do it.