The Imperial Capital
I wish I could tell you that I had ample time to describe my current surroundings but I can’t because I’M ABOUT TO SH*T MYSELF INTO OBLIVION.
“LUTHER. I NEED RESTROOM NOW!” I scream.
He was right next to me on the carriage talking to a guard about the supplies he brought in. He turned to me.
“What wrong my friend? You need to partake in relieving?” he inquired.
“Very well! We shall find the nearest restroom inside the city. But first, I need to fill out these forms,” he told me.
I sat there while the guard handed him a quill and some forms and he started writing. Ten minutes has just passed. Luther has been filling out forms this whole time, this is torture. I think my bowels are about to explode. There’s absolutely no way I’m allowing myself to walk around in another world with poo in my pants.
“LUTHER! HOW MUCH LONGER?” I yelled with just a teeny bit of urgency in my voice.
“Not much longer my friend I just finished the first part. I should be done in about two more hours” he says confidently. Oh, hell no, I gotta go now. I jump off the wagon and sprint inside the city. A guard tries to stop me but I grab him and throw him behind me. We’re on an incline, so that guard is now rolling down the base of a mountain.
“AHHH. OW OW OW OW” I hear him scream as he bounces his way down.
Whatever, I’ll apologize later—I need a bathroom. I’m in some plaza with a fountain in the middle, and the place is really crowded. This place also looks like it has money because the ground is made out of cobblestone and the buildings here are tall and made of stone. Whatever, I need a bathroom so I’m running and pushing a bunch of people out of the way. I think I just threw a guy into the fountain. Ok now I just pushed a child out of the way, but hey—I’m the one in trouble here. I see a fancy sign that says “potions and herbs” so I sprint in there.
“EHRLKHGLKEJFLKJSF BATHROOM?” I ask.
I’m about to die if no one here directs me to a bathroom, then I’m sh*tting in the square, I don’t care anymore. The girl behind the desk had brown hair in a french braid. Wait, France isn’t a place here, so what would that hairstyle be called? Wait, I don’t have time to care about that. She also had round black glasses and freckles and seemed to be holding a potion.
“Ugh there’s one to the left but they’re for paying customers only. HEY, WAIT” I stop listening as I run to my right (her left) and barge into the bathroom.
Oh thank God at least the bathrooms here are the same back home. It seems the only difference is that the toilet paper is brown? That’s weird, but hey, a toilet’s a toilet. I finally relieve myself when I hear the girl outside yelling at me.
“Hey get out of there. You gotta pay for something to use the bathroom here you freeloading foreigner!” she yells angrily.
I hear someone else enter and it turns out to be Luther. I guess he must have been following me since I single handedly stormed the city and shoved like 20 people out of the way. Oh and threw that guard down the base of a mountain.
“Young shopkeeper have you seen my friend, Kaneki? He needed to use the restroom” He states.
“Yeah the a**hole is inside my bathroom. I hope you’re gonna buy something on his behalf or else I’m calling the guards” she asserts.
“Ah I am afraid I have no money on me. How about I take you on a date later tonight my queen?”
“......Ew. Just take your friend and get out of my shop. I don’t have time to be dealing with buffoons.” she says.
I finished my business and exited the bathroom and got a mean look from the girl. I left with Luther and we were in the plaza so I can take in more of my surroundings. Besides the cobblestone streets and stone buildings I see that this place has light posts and trees about. In the distance I see a huge castle. This capital must be freaking huge because that castle has to be about 50 miles away and it’s even higher up the mountain. It’s just looking down on the whole city. I also see a bunch of faces carved into the mountain right next to the castle. I see the face of the loli goddess as one of them and three more faces to her left. The one right next to hers was also a young girl’s face. I can’t give many details about the face given that all the faces are gray, but I see she’s wearing a Santa’s hat? What is up with the goddesses here? Do they all just wear dumb hats? To santa girl’s left was a guy’s face and he looked relatively normal. Well except for the monocle and a moustache. Wtf is with these gods? The final face is another guy and his face is what i think is a little boy? Yeah it is, it’s a little boy’s face with short hair. At least he has no dumb hat on.
“My friend it has occured to me that if your friend is here he may be at the castle. He must be causing quite a stir with the emperor and the lords for they did perform the ritual today. Perhaps they are there waiting for you. I still have to finish those forms but the least I can do is escort you there” he tells me.
“Yeah thanks Luther. You’ve been a great help” I tell him.
At first, I was really put off by this guy, but he really is a decent person. Well at least to males, this guy seems like a living nightmare to all women.
“Why of course. We are friends and I would never just abandon my friend in a metropolis he’s never been in” he says. Luther and I start walking out of the plaza into what I think is a magical farmer’s market. The street is full of vendors on both sides of the street trying to sell things.
“Get your dragon stew here!” I hear to my left. Jesus, this really is a fantasy world. Hope I don’t have to deal with a dragon.
“Come to me I’ll enchant or fix any weapons or armors you got. We got a 15% off special today!” A guy’s voice says to my right.
Wow some of this stuff looks really cool if I had any money. I walk along with Luther for a while more till’ Luther stops walking abruptly. I turn around and see him breathing very heavily.
“Ugh, Luther? Are you ok?” I ask.
“M-m-m-my love. . . Marianne,” he just says and then points forward.
I turn around again and see a girl surrounded by a bunch of people. She has silver knight armor on but isn’t wearing a helmet like Luther. She’s tall too—Jesus, she’s taller than me. I’m 6′1 and this girl seems to be about 6′3. This is in weird contrast to Luther who is actually pretty short in comparison now that I got a better look at him. He seems to be about 5′7 in comparison to me. Back to the girl she has long black hair that goes down to her waist and dark blue eyes. She also has a blue cape on her that goes to her waist as well. What’s the most surprising thing is that she’s got a huge lance on her back. She’s kneeling down, talking to a little peasant girl.
“Miss Marianne when I grow up, can I be a knight like you?” she asks.
“Of course you can, Lucy. You gotta make sure to study real hard in school, ok? I’ll be waiting for you when you grow up. I’ll teach you a few things” she responds to the girl and then gives her a wink plus a pat on the head.
“Hey Marianne can you give me an autograph?” A guy says as he hands her a poster of what I think is of her?
She must be a really popular imperial knight.
“Of course no problem” she says as she grabs it and takes out a quill.
She signs it and looks up and sees Luther and I. I have never seen a person’s face go from jovial to sheer terror within less than a second.
“NO NO NO NO NO! LUTHER, YOU STAY BACK THERE!" she commands.
"My love, I have returned from my mission!” Luther claims with pride.
“Did you read the note I gave you before you left. Please, say you did.”
“Yes my love, of course I have.”
“And? Did you learn anything?”
“Of course, my love! I have learned that your love for me has grown tenfold since I left. Now, I will embrace you given how long I have been not by your side” Luther says.
He’s now walking towards Marianne, passing the crowd.
“Wow, I didn’t know you had a boyfriend, Marianne” says the little girl from before.
“HE’S NOT MY BOYFRIEND! LUTHER, YOU STAY AWAY FROM ME!” Marianne exclaims.
She freaking bolts so quickly that she kinda launched everyone near her into the air from her sudden acceleration.
“AH MY MARIANNE. IF YOU WISHED TO EMBRACE IN PRIVATE YOU COULD HAVE JUST SAID SO” Luther screams as he bolts after her sending everyone around him, including me, into the air.
I get up and realize that Luther straight up abandoned me. .....I think about how he literally just said he wouldn’t abandon me in a strange metropolis. I guess I’m just gonna walk to the castle by myself then? Dang, it’s getting kinda late, it’s dusk now. I start making the surprisingly long journey till someone grabs my shoulder and turns me around. It’s the guard I’m pretty sure I threw down the mountain with a bunch of guards behind him.
“Hey” he says angrily.
“Hey, what’s up man?” I say nonchalantly.
“You’re under arrest, a**hole, for illegally entering the imperial capital—and for assault when you shoved all those innocent people out the way” he stated.
“...Nah that wasn’t me man. I’m um........F*CK THE POLICE” I scream as I shove him off me and start running.
Ok, this is fine. I’m running in a large walled metropolis with about ten guards chasing me and I have no idea where I’m going. It’s not like going to the castle is going to help me. If anything, I’m running towards where they keep prisoners. I’m running, pushing down boxes behind me hoping it’ll slow them down. I crash into an apple stand and fall down. I quickly get back up and as I’m sprinting, I look behind me and see some of the guards trip and fall on the apples. Dang it some of them are smart and jumped over them. I keep running, pushing more people out the way and putting other obstacles in their path, such as throwing random stuff I could find, like a shield being sold and some more people. I look forward and everything is getting real cold and I’m slowing down—the hell? I look down and see that I’m being frozen. AHH WHY, WHAT? I’m slowly getting encased in ice till I’m frozen in place in a block of ice. Ok so I’m in ice now and I hear some people talking behind me. I can’t see who’s behind me since I’m frozen.
“Ugh thanks for the help, knight. Take him to the castle’s dungeons” a guard behind me ordered.
Everything is now starting to black out. I think the cold is making me lose consciousness.
“AHAHAH WHA THE FUH JUST HAPPENED” I say as I regain consciousness, jumping up straight.
I look around me and the ice is all gone like it was never there. I also see that I’m in a jail cell. Dang I just got here and I’m already arrested. I really hope Will is here to bail me out. Actually, maybe he won’t—he might just laugh at me for getting arrested a day within entering a new world. I really hope he’s in this stupid capital to help get me out of here.