Chapter 12 - Avery
Sebastian had not been present in my dreams last night.
I dont know why my soul needed him so, but it did. Since the day he appeared, my mood had changed. I no longer felt pessimistic and bitter but light and airy, like I could fly away at any moment. But now, I was overwhelmed with loneliness. Where had he gone? Would he come back?
I decided to take a bath, hoping it would help calm my mood. This was my third day off in a row and I needed to enjoy it. Tomorrow would start another work day and I dreaded how many days in a row my schedule would consist of this time. Julie wasnt great at scheduling... it was rare if she gave a day or two in between a two week block. It was great for my paycheck, but my physical and mental wellbeing took a major hit.
I needed fresh air. I needed a bit of nature in this cold, metal and stone city. Today, I would do something I never did.
I would go the park.
The weather was getting colder now so I opted for jeans and a hoodie. I had always loved being in blue jeans but my life rarely allowed it anymore as it was mostly work clothes and pajamas.
I sat on a lonesome bench under a large tree. The leaves were changing colors now, letting go of their attachment to their sturdy, wooden home.
It made me think.
Maybe it was time for a change. A different place... different faces. I had enough in my savings to move if I wanted to but I hadnt considered such a thing until now. I had no friends. I had no social life. I had Milo. And at a time, I had Sebastian. That was it. This city was sucking my soul dry, maybe that's why I hadnt succeeded here.
I looked out over the grass, which was starting to brown and die. Like my soul, I thought. I admired the people laughing, smiling, engrossed in their conversations with friends and family. I rarely watched people. I never had an urge to. I had seen the worst of mankind during Katrina and that was enough for me. But here, in this moment, in this setting, I smiled at them, enjoying their lives, carefree. I wished desperately to be the same.
My insides were shifting. Pulling me into the unknown. I was used to my drab, depressing life but enough was enough already. Didnt I deserve more? I spent years drowning in my sorrow so it was time for a change.
Colorado sounded like a great place to start. I would research their cost of living when I got back to the apartment. I was a bit excited, which seemed odd but I needed to start following my heart--it was always overpowered by my depressing brain.
I sighed as the pain returned. Could I find a real Sebastian in Colorado? Could I find many Sebastians in Colorado? I desperately hoped so. If indeed, he never returned to my dreams, where would I be? What kind of life was there for me here? One night without him had me a brokenhearted mess.
What if that was my fate for the rest of my life?