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19. Pain


Last night I wasn't able to sleep for one moment. Even if I closed my eyes for one second, the beta's face would come in my mind, howling and crying for my help. I tried really hard to sleep, I really did, but in the end all I could think is how selfish I really am.

All those action/adventure movies I had seen had that one selfish man who would throw others in front of him to save themselves and I wondered if I would have done the same in their situation. Now that I can see who I truly am, there is no chance I could be the savior of anyone. The whole night was spent on me thinking of all of this and I wasn't even able to read the records book. After all, I am too much of a coward to find the truth.

When the sun rays enter my room, I get up from my bed and head towards the bathroom. Opening the door like a dead zombie, I head over at the stained glass situated above the sink and feel the need to puke when I look at myself.

Under my eyes are huge dark bags and a few new pimples emerging on my head. My hair is in knots, especially in the roots and my face looks even paler than the vampires. Great. Frustrated, I give off a loud scream and pick the scissors near the sink and place it above my shoulders.

I really am getting crazy for chopping my hair for no reason. My mind wanders to last night and every moment I have spent in Scarenville. My late driver was right. This place is really cursed. A groan leaves my mouth and I scrunch my face up and chop my chest length wavy brown hair until it is just above my shoulders.

Once the last bits are cut off I take my comb from the stand and roughly start combing my hair, plucking off a few healthy hair strands along with it. I open my makeup bag, use some concealer to hide my dark circles and then use a lot of foundation on my skin to hide my pimples.

Once I am satisfied, I apply a nude color gloss over my chapped lips, fix my eyebrows with the help of eyebrow pencils and tweezers and then apply light eyeshadow on my eyes because why not?

Sniffling, I look at myself in the mirror.

Much better.

I look like a fake ordinary teen instagram star. This is so not me. I have never applied so much makeup in my whole life, not even at parties.

Heading towards the closet, I put on a dark red skirt, stockings and a black sweater and leave my room.
While walking down the road I lose myself in deep thoughts.

I wonder what Damien would say once he sees me in make-up. Surely, he wouldn't doubt me much, because even if it feels like an eternity, it's only been a few days since I arrived here and he doesn't know much about me.

I almost regret coming like a wannabe, almost. Within a few minutes I see a familiar large silhouette of Scarenville High school and I know for sure that there is no turning back now.

Look at what this place has done to me. I am now afraid of going to my High school now.

Once I enter the main hallway, which is filled with silent students, I expect some stares at me like the last time. But today none glance at me. Suits right, why would I want attention? Shrugging to myself I make my way through to all the students to reach my locker, crossing my fingers and hoping I don't bump into Damien. But it seems that fate had something else planned for me today. Damien and his friends are standing right next to my locker, as if waiting for my arrival.

I wanted to minimize interactions with Damien today, but now I have to face him. Scanning more, I find Damien and his two friends deep in conversation with each other. Both I recognize from my first visit at the cafeteria. I think the odds of Damien not recognising me if I quickly walk towards the washroom instead of my locker.

But like the reckless girl yet kind of cleverish girl I am, I keep a neutral face and try to quickly walk past them through the crowd. Unfortunately, fate wanted me dead today, which is why just as I cross the boys, someone grabs my arm and it's no one but Damien. I knew this was coming and when I turn to look at him face-to-face, I see the frown already on his face.

His eyes are filled with horror, do I really look that horrible with makeup on?

"What the hell did you do to yourself?" He asks me and looks at my outfit in disbelief.

"It's nothing, let go!" I shake my arm until he removes his grip from my arm.

"Is everything alright? Did you see something? You can tell me." He starts bombarding me with questions and I start walking away, ignoring him with my lips glued shut.

"Rose!" I hear Damien shouting from my locker and I turn my head one last time to look at him. When I turn, my heart stops beating for a second and I feel a deep ache in my chest. Damien is still standing where he was before but his face tells a different tale.

His once shining golden eyes are dull and between them are unfallen tears filled with hurt, his mouth is dropped downwards and his face tells he is hurt, sad, puzzled and frustrated all at the same time. I turn away without a word and walk straight to my class, which is English and toss my bag beside the chair next to the window.

The class fills in but none dares to utter a word about what happened at the corridor. Maybe because they don't care and just want to get this day over with quickly like me. Perhaps the students and I aren't much different from each other after all. That thought disturbs me and like usual, I space out just as the teacher starts teaching. I catch a glimpse of my reflection at the window and observe.

My face has no emotion etched and my eyes are dull, just like the others.

I wonder if they had come in Scarenville like me too - hoping to find an escape from the outer world, only to later get tied up to a new world we thought only existed in books.

After English is over I find that I have P.E next and quickly move to the field. Perhaps a bit of workout will lift my mood, or not. Soon the other students come and join us on the field too. All of them have their back bent a bit and most of them wear grey sports just like me and the weather.

My eyes roughly skim over all the students until I hear a whistle and find students standing in a line in front of the field. In the middle of the field stands a middle aged coach with a whistle and a very annoyed face. I don't waste time standing between two students. I don't look up to see who I am standing next to and keep my gaze down because my emotions are a mess and I just feel too… grey to do anything else unnecessary.

My body stiffens under the gaze of the student beside me, but I ignore it, placing my attention onto the coach, who is now taking the attendance of the students.

My name comes second, and due to my current mood, I just t quietly reply back. I still feel the student on my right staring at me like a creep but I stay quiet and wait for the attendance to be over. After a good 60 seconds when I still feel the dude staring at me I open my mouth to tell him to go dig a hole and die. The coach calls the last student.


"Present," the student on my left responds. I flip my head over and see Damien looking at the ground with a pout. Shocked, I turn my head on the right to see the student who was staring at me and find no one. I am standing at the end.

Damien... You had to stand next to Rose? Want to add special effects to the book? O_o

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