Chapter 16: Failing You
Chapter 16: Failing You (V’s POV)
“I think that was the greatest meal I’ve ever had in my life.” I smile up at Xandor before stretching up on my toes to give him a sweet kiss. He had taken me to Urban Jam. They are known for their crawfish jambalaya stuffed dumplings, but that’s not all we got. I think Xandor ordered half the menu. I am so full I don’t know if I can walk to the car.
Our night had been exquisite. Good food and great conversation. Xandor was smiling and animated as he told me the funniest story about one of the warriors losing their pants just as the female warriors rounded the corner when returning from their run. We had sat in a corner booth, and it felt like he had to be touching in some way all night. Which is fine by me because I felt the same way.
When I kissed him during our walk to his Charger he pulled me in closer, deepening our kiss. I felt dizzy from it by the time he let me go. Which was wonderful and awful at the same time. It did wonders for my lady bits, but my stomach did not care for it much.
“I always overindulge when I come here,” His smile is bright as he opens the door for me. “It looks like you did too, Kitten.” I shoot him a quizzical look, “You looked a little green there for a moment and started to sway. I was afraid I was going to have to catch you.”
I blushed slightly embarrassed by how much I ate tonight. I had given Xandor a run for his money.
Before closing the door behind me he took in a deep breath of my scent, kissed my neck, and whispered, “I will always catch you V.” Well if my panties weren’t already soaked they are now.
He chuckled as he straightened up, “You smell more delicious than our entire meal. It’s a good thing I left room for dessert.”
Before I could respond he had closed my door and rounded the car. Once he was in his seat and the car started he took my hand in his and placed them together high on my thigh, pushing my navy bodycon dress up towards my hips.
We were comfortably quiet on our drive home. Xandor seemed happy. His smile wide. That could be because he had stretched out his pinky to dip under my lace underwear. A satisfied growl rumbled from his chest when his finger met the wetness dripping from my center.
We were about a mile from the Packhouse when a car crossed into our lane causing him to swing wide cursing at the dumbass that nearly hit us. My stomach lurched at the sudden movement but settled again as we straightened out.
“Fucking jackass. Learn how to drive and pay attention.” He screams after the other car.
He was grumbly and growly all the rest of the way home mumbling things like “They could have killed you. And I would have killed them.” And “I would have killed them if they fucked up this car. Mom bought me it for me.”
Once we had made it to the elevator though his mood had shifted. He had taken a couple of drags off his pot vape and had started to look at me like dessert again. We rode up to the top floor alone. Xandor had his hand up my skirt squeezing my ass as he kissed me deeply. I couldn’t wait to get to our room.
When the elevator came to its stop, I felt another slight wave of nausea. I pulled back from him and he asks, “You okay Kitten?”
“As good dinner was, I am never eating that much again,” I respond with a smile back on my face now. Trying desperately to not ruin our night.
He wears a concerned face while we open our door and enter the Beta apartment. But all concerns are forgotten as he wraps his muscular arms around me from behind and peppers kisses down my neck and across my shoulder. His nose moves to rub circles over the spot where my mate should mark me and it feels as if butterflies erupt from my chest.
I am quickly spun and picked up as he races us to the bedroom. This would be the perfect end to the perfect evening if my stomach would just settle down. I am dropped to the bed and the little bounce has me charging around him for the bathroom.
I just make it to the bowl before my dinner makes a reappearance. Xandor is right behind me pulling my hair out of the way and rubbing small circles along the small of my back.
When I feel as though I have emptied all the contents of my dinner from my stomach, I quickly brush my teeth and rinse my mouth. I spit the water back into the sink and look up to find Xandor smiling at me in the mirror.
“What’s the smile for babe,” I ask as he wraps his arms around from me behind. He splays one large hand across my stomach, “Do you think you just overate, or do you think something else may be going on in here?”
We have been trying to make a pup for the last three months with no result. My emotions have been up and down. We have sat and taken tests every few weeks or less. Each time we get excited thinking this is it. And each time it has read as negative.
Each time we are wrong he looks more and more upset. I am patient for the most part. Do I want it? Yes, hell yes. But I also understand that since we aren’t mates that this could be a long shot. I love him for trying, and trying is more than fun, especially with Xander.
He has made the last few months amazing. I have never felt more cared for or supported. When I was with X it was all about taking care of his needs. Keeping his stress levels down. It is so different being with someone who actively tries to make you happy.
I hope that he feels as happy as I do. I make it my goal to keep him smiling. When he lets me escape from bed, I make him Nutella waffles with an array of meats for breakfast. I try to surprise him with special dates. Like last week I arranged a run for our wolves through the orange groves and out onto the beach. We fell asleep in our other bodies laid intimately entwined across the sand. I hold him at night as the worst of his nightmares flutter through his mind. I can’t imagine that anyone could feel more perfect to spend my life with. Not even my fated mate.
Xandor had pulled out three different tests and our wait time on all is now up. He flips over the first one... Negative. As are the next two.
He turns and leaving the room without saying a word. Not even two minutes later, I hear a crash in the kitchen. I don’t have time to let my disappointment set in, I need to make sure he is okay.
I slowly enter the room to find him sitting at the table rolling a blunt. One of the kitchen stools is smashed with one of its legs embedded into the wall. I slowly sit next to him and wait while he medicates. I notice his eyes are still their beautiful clear blue. No traces of Luc. This isn’t a manic moment. He is genuinely upset.
A few puffs of smoke later he grabs my hand. “I am so sorry. I thought maybe...” He says looking away from me.
“You have nothing to be sorry for.” I squeeze his hand in reassurance.
He doesn’t say anything. He tries to get up and walk away, but his fingers are still entangled with mine. I tighten my grip on his hand and tug him back towards me. If he really wanted to he could break my hold but he doesn’t. He sits back down and drops his head.
I place a soft caress across his cheek. “Talk to me please.”
Still looking down at the table, “It feels like I am failing you.”
“Xandor look at me, please.” He does and I can see the watery glaze that threatens to fall into tears. “You are not failing me. Even if we never succeed, you could never fail me. You... We have tried. That means the world to me.”
Before I can blink I am pulled into his lap and his face is pressed into my neck. “Do you mean that?”
I rub the back of his neck, “With all of my heart.”
Still, in a somber mood, he picks me up and carries me back to our room. We change for bed and the moment we are under the sheets he is wrapped tightly around me as if I may disappear. I stroke his back until he is softly snoring against my chest.
Two traitorous tears escape my eyes before I drift into slumber. For a few short minutes tonight, I had been excited. I was excited not just to be having a pup. I had been excited to be having Xandor’s pup.
I feel like hell this morning as I do my rounds. Sleep did not come easy and I still feel ill this morning. Xander was up and out of the house early, way early, too early. Most mornings we are up before my seven am alarm, but today I felt him sneak out of bed as the sun was coming up. He had placed a soft kiss on my forehead and was gone before I could understand what was going on.
I wanted coffee, but my stomach wouldn’t allow it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Werewolves are rarely sick. If we are it is never for good reasons, unless it’s because you’re pregnant. Which we already know I am not. I spoke with Maggie this morning. I asked if she could give me a once-over and see if something is wrong. Maggie’s main area of reference is OBGYN, but she is trained to take care of most medical issues with wolves.
Maggie had a small opening in her schedule after lunch, so I snagged it. I was worried. Maybe there is something really wrong with me. Maybe all the trauma of my youth is catching up to me. No, V, we aren’t going to think about that. Izza had me checked over so thoroughly that it couldn’t be anything from that, could it?
I had nearly worked myself into a self-induced panic attack when Mags walked into the office I had been waiting in. I sat on the table in a paper gown with my legs crossed and my top leg bouncing with anxiety.
“Hey, sweetness,” Mags said before hugging me. “We’re going to start off drawing some blood and urine samples and then we will go from there.”
“Okay Mags, Thank you for squeezing me in. I know you’re slammed right now.” It was spring and it seemed like almost everyone was popping out pups. Well everyone but me that is.
“Are you sure these aren’t just early symptoms V. Everything you have told me sounds like pregnancy symptoms,” Mags asks with a soft expression on her face?
“As much as I wish... It’s not.”
“Can you tell me why?”
Reaching into my purse I pulled out the three tests from the night before. The word “Negative” seemed to shine even brighter today.
“Tests can be wrong. When did you take them?
“Last night. After dinner. I had gotten sick, and Xander thought... I thought... Maybe, but that’s a lot of negatives.”
“I’m still going to run our tests. Late-night tests can be ineffective. You want to do these things in the morning. I know you and Xand have been fucking like bunnies, so I’m not going to rule it out without running some test myself. I am also going to check your thyroid, blood sugar levels, blood pressure, and a few other things.” Mags has me pee in a cup, draws my blood, and hooks me up to a few monitors before exiting the room.
While I waited on my results Xandor tried to mind-link me. I ignored it. There is no need to worry him if there isn’t anything wrong. I know if there is he will be there for me. Arms wide and a gentle caress. For his sake, I hope it’s nothing serious. Even medicated I don’t know if he could handle another loss.
I didn’t even realize I was crying until Mags came back in. She pulled me into a hug, “Oh honey, everything is going to be okay.” She rubbed my back and then pulled back with a big smile on her face. “You are going to be a wonderful mother.”
I blinked at her a few times while I tried to comprehend what she just said. “What? I don’t understand.”
“Your tests last night were wrong. I ran screens on both urine and blood, and they came back positive.” I stared at her dumbfounded. “You’re pregnant, V.”
Tears rolled down my face in happiness. I can’t speak. I think I almost forgot how to breathe. My hand found my stomach on its own accord. I’m going to be a mom. I am having Xander’s pup.
The best drunken mistake of my life was no mistake at all. I hadn’t gone to the Mad Room intending to seduce Xandor, but that was the outcome of that night.
I never knew that I would have found what I did that night. Xander is everything a girl could have asked for and more. He is gentle and kind. A beast in the bedroom, but always makes sure I get mine and then some. He is possessive and protective. I don’t think even my mate could be a better man for me.
I would love to be marked by Xander, but since I haven’t found my mate that could be dangerous. Since I haven’t found my mate it is unclear if he is still alive. We could try to mark each other, but if my mates lives and I haven’t rejected him, it could be extremely painful for all of us. The mark will not hold and we would be left back where we are now.
Mag’s next appointment is already set up in their room, so she has to leave me. I follow her out. She stops at the door and turns to look at me as she speaks to her patient. “Ah Courtney, back again.” She smiles at me and continues. “I see that you and your mate were finally successful. My reports show that you are three weeks along.”
The smile that spreads across my face probably looks more evil than happy. Courtney had been lying. “Thanks, Mags. I’ll set up my ultrasound in a few days. Xander is going to be so excited.” Mags just waves back and closes the door behind her.
Doctor-patient privileges be damned. Mags is a sneaky one, and I love her so much for it.