If you ever dreamed of meeting your one true love…
Maybe think twice before you dive in, because believe me when I say it. Love is not what you always expect it. And sometimes those experiences, that wrap you up and sweep you off of your feet. Are just the start of the true torment that lies beneath.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe that all love ends this way. I have seen my fair few couples who are the meaning of happiness. Witnessed love firsthand with my own two parents.
Maybe this was why... I was so open and ready to accept love into my world and my heart. I would even say I had craved for it. The passion, the undying desire for one another but unfortunately for me that only lead to heartache and betrayal.
Tears roll down my cheeks at the memories of my own stupidity. Honestly, I think I could even cope with it all. I could move on with my life, as I well know that he has…
...If only he hadn’t asked me to― I cannot even say or think it, because it terrifies me and enrages me at the same time.
Biting down on my tongue as the rage begins to fester in the depths of my soul. I shouldn’t be feeling this way. Ok, yes in some ways I should be. Anger is definitely a part of the process when you have broken up from the one you love. Especially when you discover them in bed with someone else. Yes especially when you discover them in your bed.
Not our bed, mine! My fucking bed, in my apartment. He brought the bitch to my bed!
Did he want to hurt me that much more? or was it that he needed to show her that he had chosen her - over me. That I… was nothing in the scheme of things and they could desecrate my inner sanctum like that.
I thought of all the things he had said to me in the past. The sweet words that took me from refusing him to then become his bitch. Is that all that I ever was to him?
Men like him love the chase; they even seek it out. And me the stupid fucking fool that I am believed in the sincerity of his words. Giving myself to him, mind, body and soul.
Standing at the top of the hill looking over the town I once loved. This place that I had called home, but it no longer invoked those warm feelings within me. I hate it now.
As I hate the man that lives here. He has taken my heart and crushed it. Taken my body and changed it, into something I cannot even recognize any more. And taken the one place I felt at peace and stamped on that.
Crushing any love, I had for him, now I only felt hate. Sickened by his actions and the things that he had forced upon me.
Some may think I am overeating a woman scorned and all that comes with it. But its more than that…
I could have accepted his breakup with dignity. The honest truth is…
I know that I would have, I would have walked away with my head held high and wished them a happy future together. Even if the words would have felt like dirt in my mouth, I would have said them and meant them.
Who wants to be the third wheel? Not me that is for sure!
But he took away that option, he snagged it from under my feet and slapped me in the face with it.
That is all I ever asked of him, what a fool I was!!
The town looked alive as usual, the hum of its life drifting in the air. I breathed it in, savored it and the memories it held for me.
The ones that were created before he shot into my life like a bullet to the heart. I used to think he was like a defibrillator and shot life back into my weary heart. Letting out a pained laugh at the memory. But now! He is something different or maybe the same.
I once heard that same device can not only breathe life into a stopped heart it can also do the exact opposite to a beating one, rendering it useless.
Maybe my metaphor was not so off in the first place!
My crossed legs shuffled as I leaned against my bike. It was one of the only things I have kept from my past life. Thankfully I hadn’t abandoned it as he had wanted me to. The old rust bucket is what he called it. A death trap and like the overbearing male he was he demanded that I no longer ride it. He wanted me safe and snuggled up in blankets so I couldn’t harm myself.
Another pained laugh escaped me as the tears continue to fall. That care and devotion he had once shown me now only felt like another control he had put in place. To keep me in my box, to control my every move. I had not seen it before; I was too consumed in the love I felt for him. In the bubble he created for us, that I couldn’t see how he had taken the driver’s seat in my life.
It sickened me now…
How I had lost myself in him!
The memories of the person I once was. I was unrestrained, I believed the world was my oyster and I could do anything. Years it took him, to gradually gnaw away at my personality my inner self to mold me into the one that he said was perfect.
How fucked up is it, that I was so elated when he told me that I was perfect. After I had stripped myself of everything that made me, me!
I hate myself for that, I hate that I allowed him this power over me. That I was so weak in love that I forgot how to be myself.
I pulled a cigarette out from my leather jacket and lit it up, taking a deep drag of the smoke that burned down my throat. I hate these fucking things, but I needed something. This was an old habit that I had, from my teens, a clutch that helped me cope with peer pressure and the woes of being a teenager.
A farewell of sorts, even as the small stick was held between my lips, I savored it. It would be the last time one would grace my lips. I vowed here and now things were going to change. Fact is! I know they are, they are about to do some major shifting, though I have a few more weeks to think about that.
I can’t even go there right now!
But I was definitely about to change things about inner self. How does one cope when they are blasted away from the person who was their constant. For the years I had known as an adult he was my world.
Each of the days since my eighteenth birthday I had spent with him- Andrew. I spent them in his care and all I knew was him and me. My life before him feels like a dream of a life long gone.
He said he loved every part of me, that I was beautiful, and he loved me from the first moment he had seen me.
Stupid fucking words from a stupid man!!
Hate... All I can think now because he suppressed me, and I hate him for it. I never thought that I could feel hate for a person, but he brought that dark side out of me by his own actions. I won’t go back; I’m taking back control…
I know it will be a bumpy ride but I’m up for the challenge.
Anything has got to be better than spending another minute in this town, anywhere near him. I won’t go back to the person he crafted me into. To a point where I was hidden like a wraith in the depth of my being. Or was that the point all along, did he wish me to become this weak little woman. That would only say yes Sir, not Sir, can I do anything else for you Sir?
Is that what he wants?
I wouldn’t be surprised! Though I think the other woman wouldn’t be too happy about that.
Recalling the day, I caught them… I was so sickeningly excited; we had passed the point of no return. Having finally convinced me to become one with him, I was going to move into his place within the next few weeks.
We were getting married and he wanted to grow a life within my womb. Yes, how thankful I am that we had not gone that far. I was still taking my birth control and I wouldn’t have to worry about that scenario. I just want him out my life right now and a baby would have only complicated things. He would never let me go if I was found in that condition.
I remember the morning so clearly how we woke in each other’s arms, his musky scent filling my nostrils, I breathed it in like it was a drug. I suppose in a way it was because I was sure as shit high on this man.
I knew these were the last few weeks we would have together alone here in the tranquility of my little abode. His place was full of life, he lived in a huge farmhouse with his family, and they all came with the package of him. And so, life was going to be hectic when I moved in.
Having grown up an only child to my beloved parents, I struggled in the chaotic atmosphere of his home at first. The quiet serenity I was used to was nothing like his place. Though it didn’t take me long to fit it and find my own spot in the middle of the pack.
Today was going to be a little special. The night before was out of this world, and I had wanted to make him a delicious breakfast to put the cherry on the cake. I had dressed and went to the supermarket having left him snoozing in the sheets of our lovemaking.
The memory tickled my rage again knowing that he had not long after lain with another woman. In the very same sheets he had taken me the night before.
I wished I could blame it on insanity, that he had made a mistake. That the woman had somehow cast a spell on his heart and caused him to act in such a hurtful and disgusting way. But there was no witch to take the blame, no spell that caused his actions, they were his and his alone.
Fucking fuck!! Even the memory of the shop that morning makes me feel sick, I had painstakingly gone through each ingredient that I needed, making sure they were all luxury high brands, nothing cheap was going into this. I wanted him to know how special he was to me and how important our relationship was. If I had only known that it was some sick joke, I would have been stronger. Resisted him more, sent him packing when he first came into my life.
I sang on the way home I was that happy, it wasn’t like me. I was the type to sing loud in the shower or when the radio in the car was playing. When no one was around, and I could let my lungs sing out freely. Never with an audience and never in public, but that day... I sang as I walked to the supermarket.
I sang through the aisles, and I sang all the way home. Humming a tune and then I dropped the shopping on the small kitchen island. Went to the bedroom because I could hear the bed creak thinking it was Andrew waking to have a shower.
I rushed in past the sofa that I did not see held another woman’s purse. Past the hallway that had another woman’s clothes thrown idly on the side table. Down to my bedroom door and tripped on another woman’s shoe. And I still... hadn’t taken notice of all the obvious trail that was left for me.
If only my senses were stronger, and I had picked up on this, but I ignored it all. Thinking they were part of the apartment they were mine and kept singing my song until I pushed the door open. Finding them naked and tangled in one another’s arms, doing what we had done late into the early morning.
My heart was crushed, as I stood there in shock. The sounds of their love making will forever be seared into that crushed heart. He ruined me…
Ruined my heart, ruined my life…
You may think I’m being dramatic… People break up all the time and they move on. I wasn’t beaten I wasn’t broken; I didn’t have to be attached to this man for the rest of my life. I could make a clean break but there is a little snag in all of that.
The rage I feel is because of this but also because of something else that that man did to me…
“Faith.” I took another drag of the half-burned cigarette ignoring the voice that called me.
“Faith, look at me.” Blowing out the cloud of tobacco filled smoke I glanced to the side seeing Zac stood there, with a face of pity that sickened me even more. One of the things I hate most in the world is that look, I had seen it before so many times and couldn’t tolerate it.
“What do you want Zac, I don’t need your pity and I will be damned if I put up with it now. Don’t you dare look at me like that.”
“You need to come with me Faith, we care about you. Andrew cares about you, he doesn’t want anything to happen to you, he loves you.” Zac says full of sincerity, but I couldn’t take it and I didn’t want to.
“Zac believe it or not I have lived on this earth for eighteen years before I met you brother. I managed fine before he bulldozed into my life. Now I am going to do the same. Don’t try and stop me I won’t let you.
“You can’t do this alone Faith… forget that I mentioned my brother I know that you don’t want to hear about him right now and I understand that. We all do! Just come with me now back to the farmhouse Mom wants to see you, please Faith.” He puts out his hand and I just look at it lost in thought.
“I’m sorry Zac, please tell your mother that I will miss her. Thank her for everything she has done for me. I truly love her; she is a beautiful woman and friend, but I can’t bring myself to step foot back in the town and I couldn’t bear to got to the farm. It holds too many memories, and it also holds all the hopes that I had for the future. One I now know will not ever happen. Please don’t ask again Zac, I just can’t.
When I am settled, I will call and let you know that I’m ok. Thank you, for trying Zac. Your one of the good ones.” I smile at him as best as I can though no matter how I try it just looks pained.
“Where will you go?” He asks.
“I have a plan, just know that. I can’t tell you; I am sorry. I just cannot risk Andrew following me, he made his choice and must live with it. I just wish he made it last week, things would be so different than they are now.”
“Faith… you really can’t go through this alone. You need someone, someone like Andrew to get you through, someone like me or mum. You won’t survive otherwise.” He pleads.
I puff out the last breath of smoke. Chucking the butt of the cigarette into the top of the bin that is sitting close by. Kicking the stand off my bike, I climb on and kick the engine to start. The hum of it below me giving me a little trickle of hope for a future unknown. Maybe it won’t be as bad as I think…
Pulling my helmet over my head I give Zac one last smile and then drive off into the night to a future unknown. You may still think I’m a complete drama Queen running away from my problems and in a way I am. But one thing you didn’t know is…
The night before I was betrayed by the one man I loved. He convinced me to change myself in a way that I couldn’t turn back on. It was permanent, for life and now I am stuck this way for the remainder of mine.
I am faith storm, former fiancée to Andrew Moonstone, Alpha to the Moonstone pack and no longer human for the man that I loved convinced me to become like him… A werewolf. I’m bitten and not yet transformed. But soon, on the next full moon my bones will crack, and my body will transform. I will shift and become something new and foreign to myself…
A lone werewolf.