She did offer me a ride but I declined as walking was my only time of peace, I didn't tell her that ofcause.
As I was walking my thoughts wonderd off to how today was acually not so bad, the first time in a while I acually enjoyed a day.
I think I made a friend.....well I hope I did, it does get boring being alone sometimes.
As I was walking towards my hell hole formally known as my home I noticed that my dad's car was in the parking lot and the feeling of panic, fear and cousiousness crept in.
Should I go in? I should sneak in he will probably be too intoxicated to notice.
I try to convince my self but I knew that it was to good to be true my dad is never too drunk to leave me bruised.
I walk in slowly so I don't make noise and all of a sudden I feel a painful sting on my check and when I look up I see my dad looking wasted as usual.
"I HATE YOU" He shouts and i wince in fear as I fear for what will come next and i know it's not gonna be good.
After a few minutes of him telling me how much of a worthless bi*ch i am.
Well he should stop telling me that because I already know. He starts kicking me in the gut,
there is most deffinatly gonna be a painful bruise there.
After a couple of minutes which felt like hours he stopped and told me to prepare lunch but not eat any including supper.
I noticed that my mom was not home so I only made lunch for him,
my mom is a nurse at a local hospital down town so she works a lot sometimes she has night shifts sometimes morning shifts so I don't see her much not that it would make a difference if i did.
She doesn't usually come home for lunch but my dad, if he gets a chance to come home for lunch he does or he goes to a bar to drink then goes back at work. He fixes cars or something along those lines I don't really care to find out.
After I prepared lunch for him I went to my room and did my homework. When my stomach started to growl complaining of the lack of food.
I was hurt and hungry. Great!
Today's gonna be a long day...
After a few minutes of a painful, empty, complaining stomach I couldn't take it anymore so I went down stairs to sneak in an apple maybe.
I love red apples, I read somewhere that apples are in the family of roses and i love roses so it would only make sence if I loved apples too.
I think an apple and a rose would be like cousins since they don't really look alike maybe an apple married an apple that was sisters to a rose so when they had children the children were an apple and a rose and they were cousins.
I mentally giggle at what I just thought.
Yep..my hunger gas gotten my brain all mushed up.
I also love the colour red. It represents love, something that I've never felt but also danger something I'm always surrounded with.
I got to the kitchen and opened the fridge, I took my apple and bit into it and moaned because of how good it tastes.
Apples are amazing or maybe it's the hunger that's talking.
I clossed the fridge only to be met by a very angry looking man....dad. oh crap
I dropped my apple and started walking backwards while he was walking towards me.
" didn't I tell you that you won't be eating today!?" He shouted angrily.
I didn't say anything
"Answer me dammit!!". He screamed at my face.
I won't lie I was scared.
"Y-yes you did...I'm sorry." I shattered out. I don't even know why I said sorry I mean I have a right to be hungry and satisfy that hunger.
Kick after kick, blow after blow, lossing and gaining consciousness until he finally decides to let me go. I couldn't even move so I just layed there and cried until I got the strength to lift myself up and go clean my wounds so I don't get an infection.
After I was done, I went to bed but I couldn't fall asleep because it was 6 and i was sore everywhere.
Why me, I've never done anything wrong to anyone even those who deserve it for example my dad.
Maybe it's the fact that I exist thats the problem, maybe my father didn't want me.
I can't live like this but
I can't leave.
Where would I got with no money no food no shelter...i can't leave
Why is this so complecated
Maybe I must just kill myself and get this over with
Yes i should just die but I don't want my dad to hit me to death I'm gonna do it my self, I'm gonna kill myself. I guess now I know what I'll be doing tomorrow.
Can't wait to end it all.
* Hey pretty people how was that...bad, good. Talk to me tell me how you feel after that intence chapter.