I had a plan in mind a plan to end my useless worthless life, plus no one will care anyway I am just a waste of oxygen if anything I'm probably helping my family out by ending my life.
My plan was to hang myself....that should be easy enough and less painful.
I went to go prepare breakfast and ate mine before my dad saw me and got mad.
After my so called family finished I cleaned up and went back upstairs, I am not going to school Today, people would know about my abusive dad and if they even care my dad would get in trouble and my mom who doesn't care about me will be mad at me and probably sell me off somewhere. I know I might be over thinking things but better safe then sorry.
I planned on going into the forest at night about an hour before my parents return that way I won't run into trouble.
I'm acually doing this "I'm gonna kill myself" I said out loud. Sounds so wierd but this is for the best for everyone including myself.
I stayed in my room drawing and reading all day until it was five thirty, I took a rope and a chair from the store room then left.
Running into the forest I didn't even look back, this was for the best.
It was dark, cold and it looks like it was about to rain. The perfect day to kill yourself wouldn't you say.
As I tied the rope on a branch it started raining hard making me cold and wet.
I wonder if I'm ever going to be found
i thought to myself
I climbed on the chair then tied the rope around my neck. Tears threatened to fall from my eyes.
Here goes nothing.
As I was about to push the chair I heard a sound coming from one of the bushes. Just perfect. Now my plan was gonna be ruined by some nosey person trying to convince me that this is not how to solve a problem blah blah blah MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS. He or she don't know what's coming because I am doing this and that's final. No turning back now.
" who is there". I shouted feeling angry because this person ruined my full proof plan. "If you are here to stop me then don't even bother".
I suddenly felt a cold chill making me shiver. Probably the rain and wind.
Then all of a sudden......
*cliffhanger!!!!! After i took my homework out of my locker and put it in my bag, i said goodbye to Adeline and I walked home,
She did offer me a ride but I declined as walking was my only time of peace, I didn't tell her that ofcause.
As I was walking my thoughts wonderd off to how today was acually not so bad, the first time in a while I acually enjoyed a day.
I think I made a friend.....well I hope I did, it does get boring being alone sometimes.
As I was walking towards my hell hole formally known as my home I noticed that my dad's car was in the parking lot and the feeling of panic, fear and cousiousness crept in.
Should I go in? I should sneak in he will probably be too intoxicated to notice.
I try to convince my self but I knew that it was to good to be true my dad is never too drunk to leave me bruised.
I walk in slowly so I don't make noise and all of a sudden I feel a painful sting on my check and when I look up I see my dad looking wasted as usual.
"I HATE YOU" He shouts and i wince in fear as I fear for what will come next and i know it's not gonna be good.
After a few minutes of him telling me how much of a worthless bi*ch i am.
Well he should stop telling me that because I already know. He starts kicking me in the gut,
there is most deffinatly gonna be a painful bruise there.
After a couple of minutes which felt like hours he stopped and told me to prepare lunch but not eat any including supper.
I noticed that my mom was not home so I only made lunch for him,
my mom is a nurse at a local hospital down town so she works a lot sometimes she has night shifts sometimes morning shifts so I don't see her much not that it would make a difference if i did.
She doesn't usually come home for lunch but my dad, if he gets a chance to come home for lunch he does or he goes to a bar to drink then goes back at work. He fixes cars or something along those lines I don't really care to find out.
After I prepared lunch for him I went to my room and did my homework. When my stomach started to growl complaining of the lack of food.
I was hurt and hungry. Great!
Today's gonna be a long day...
After a few minutes of a painful, empty, complaining stomach I couldn't take it anymore so I went down stairs to sneak in an apple maybe.
I love red apples, I read somewhere that apples are in the family of roses and i love roses so it would only make sence if I loved apples too.
I think an apple and a rose would be like cousins since they don't really look alike maybe an apple married an apple that was sisters to a rose so when they had children the children were an apple and a rose and they were cousins.
I mentally giggle at what I just thought.
Yep..my hunger gas gotten my brain all mushed up.
I also love the colour red. It represents love, something that I've never felt but also danger something I'm always surrounded with.
I got to the kitchen and opened the fridge, I took my apple and bit into it and moaned because of how good it tastes.
Apples are amazing or maybe it's the hunger that's talking.
I clossed the fridge only to be met by a very angry looking man....dad. oh crap
I dropped my apple and started walking backwards while he was walking towards me.
" didn't I tell you that you won't be eating today!?" He shouted angrily.
I didn't say anything
"Answer me dammit!!". He screamed at my face.
I won't lie I was scared.
"Y-yes you did...I'm sorry." I shattered out. I don't even know why I said sorry I mean I have a right to be hungry and satisfy that hunger.
Kick after kick, blow after blow, lossing and gaining consciousness until he finally decides to let me go. I couldn't even move so I just layed there and cried until I got the strength to lift myself up and go clean my wounds so I don't get an infection.
After I was done, I went to bed but I couldn't fall asleep because it was 6 and i was sore everywhere.
Why me, I've never done anything wrong to anyone even those who deserve it for example my dad.
Maybe it's the fact that I exist thats the problem, maybe my father didn't want me.
I can't live like this but
I can't leave.
Where would I got with no money no food no shelter...i can't leave
Why is this so complecated
Maybe I must just kill myself and get this over with
Yes i should just die but I don't want my dad to hit me to death I'm gonna do it my self, I'm gonna kill myself. I guess now I know what I'll be doing tomorrow.
Can't wait to end it all.
* Hey pretty people how was that...bad, good. Talk to me tell me how you feel after that intence chapter.
be romantic love and all but you just have to read further to find out.
if you want me to read one of y'alls books just comment the name and I'll check it out.
I'm also thinking about a new book but this one is gonna have a black main character and is gonna take place in South Africa.
I will inform you when I start writing it.
I think we should have more black main characters right. #blacklivesmatter.
I'll update soon.
Are you enjoying my ongoing story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, RuthiemmWrite a Review