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Harold groaned as he lifted his lumbering frame from his stair lift and groaned his way towards his bed. ‘I’m getting too old for this shit’ he thought to himself as he lazily kicked off his slippers and removed his dressing gown, revealing his naked saggy body beneath. He sat on the edge of the bed and removed his dentures with his wrinkly, liver spotted hands. Harold was right, he was getting too old for this shit, and that’s why god chose exactly that moment to give Harold a fatal heart attack. Harold was a miserable man, the kind of man that alienated anyone he spoke to, and on the odd occasion that someone found his grumpy persona to be likeable and charming, he made sure to try doubly hard to insult them. His wife Maud had passed fifteen years ago and he had been alone almost all of that time. He had very briefly had a couple of nurses, but his crude comments and physical groping had got the better of all of them,. That was why, whilst Harold’s decrepit old body flailed miserably on the floor like a washing machine on a trampoline, no one was around to help. Or to care.
Harold opened his eyes, immediately assuming his default position of, pissed off. ‘Where the fuck am i’ he thought as he strained his eyes to see through the blinding whiteness that seemed to be emanating from every direction, ‘turn the bleeding lights down would ya? Can’t see a fucking thing here’ Harold shouted as his eyes adjusted. When at last his vision had returned Harold was surprised to see that he was standing on what appeared to be a cloud, in front of what appeared to be a set of giant pearly gates. Standing in the centre of the gateway was undeniably an angel, she was dressed in a flowing white toga, bearing a sticker above her right breast that read: hello my name is; Gabriel.
‘Hello Harold’ she sang in the most beautiful voice Harold had ever heard.
Harold cautiously took a step towards Gabriel, clearly mistrustful of this rather peculiar turn of events.
‘Do not fear Harold, you have been granted entry into the gates of heaven, come i shall take you to your wife’
At the mention of Maud, Harold’s stone heart melted, his eyes filled with tears at the mere prospect that he would be reunited with his beloved for the rest of eternity. Harold quickly stepped towards the angel Gabriel, and then promptly vanished.
‘Well that wasn’t supposed to happen’ Gabriel stated, to no one in particular.
Harold had quite frankly grown bored of opening his eyes and discovering he was somewhere new, he hadn’t minded it the first time as he’d awoken in heaven, however this time he appeared to have awoken in the middle of a western movie, and was most definitely not inside his own body. In fact Harold had awoken in the small town of Amherst, situated within the state of Texas, which was in turn situated within the country of northern america. As to the body, a cursory glance at his hands had revealed he was in fact now black, and judging by the two growths on his chest, he had his suspicions that he was also a woman. Harold had briefly considered putting his hand down his trousers in order to confirm his theory, but having never been resurrected before he wasn’t entirely sure of the polite social conventions, and couldn’t decide whether or not that constituted a gross invasion of privacy.
‘How has this happened’ Harold grumbled to himself, entirely overlooking the miraculous chance to start over he had been granted. ‘Not only am i back on this wretched planet, but i’m a fucking subspecies’ Harold racistly remarked to himself because Harold was, in case you hadn't noticed by now, an absolute cunt.
I would now like to take a moment to explain exactly what kind of story this is. Most books feature a passive narrator who will dutifully describe in very biased detail exactly what is happening. This is not that kind of story, and i am not that kind of a narrator. Instead i am the kind of who has no reservations about telling the truth, which is why i feel comfortable calling the man, who is unfortunately our protagonist, a cunt. I also harbour no issues with elaborating on that description and describing Harold as a grotesque piece of human shit who serves as nothing more than a stunning example of why abortions should be legalised. Now that we are all on the same page so to speak, i think we should continue with our story.
Rebecca Weller: Ironwood is an incredibly rich fantasy story with a well built imaginative world. Jacob was a great character, very likable, and you cheer for him as he struggles to restore order to Ironwood. The pacing was decent a good balance of action with plot and character building. There were a few moment...
Carole Troup: A good read for a paranormal lover. There are multiple different types of beings here a dragon ,warlock , witch, vampire Slayer, gargoyle, vampires a few more I am not listing. this is a nice read not overly violent. However there is fighting and bloodshed. A Love story, wrapped in a vampire war,...
Sonali Srivastava: It is very Fancinating to read a story full of Fantasy and specially when love is not complete as story , I really like the Imagination of Author and his writing skill, u dictated everything so beautifuly that when I read it I lost in the story and I hope I will read soon the second year of Zakir...
Drew C. Elyon: I've only read one chapter so far, but from what I've seen, this is steampunk at its best. The narrative flows so beautifully I could envision every scene in an almost cinematic fashion. I believe in the complexity of simplicity, and this story has that in its descriptions.
NancyRichFoster: This second book of the Anmah Series was as awesome as the first story, I disagree with spare runner. The names were ordinary names with different spellings, which I for one loved. I am now going to read the third book in this amazingly awesome story!
Nanasha: I thought I'd written a comment on this story, but for some reason, I guess it didn't go through. Anyway, so this story is intensely addictive. I liked how the author uses established mythology but then gives it a unique twist. The idea of goblins all coming from the head of the king is an ama...
izzymerchant: This book is truly special. The plot, the characters and the way the story flows is so engrossing and magical that I found it virtually impossible to put down. The character relationships were particularly fascinating and Melenthia's character was fascinating. Cannot wait to see what happens next!
viveksaji1990: The novel is altogether a fun read although there are way too many typos and spelling-grammar errors. If those could be corrected, I am willing to give a better rating and also convince people to buy the book if the book gets published. Apart from the typos, its a really fun and slightly romantic...
icamiss: I loved this, the plot twists and turns were ones you couldn't always see coming (those are the best kinds) and the ending leaves me wanting more! I'm completely intrigued with this narrative, the way you write and explore your characters. The storyline seemed a little cliché at first, but honest...
Hali McGowan: when will the third book be done? I am absolutely hooked. I red the first two books within less than a week. I'm itching for the third one. The plotline is absolutely wonderful. I've never been much for sci-fi ish books. but you've got me hooked on this series
Krupa Kataria: the detailing is really awesome ....the characters, ur plots jst too Awsm ,m waiting for the further chapters please do complete it ...like m really craving for those ones ...great job with words too ..please complete the further parts ...