“Where has my life taken me? What am I doing with my life? Why am I even alive?” Questions we ought to ask ourselves everyday, now don’t we? We question our existence, meaning and purpose-when all we need to do is simply make them. If only it was easy to do that. If only it was really that simple.
If only someone had helped this poor man, to figure that out…
Meet Renard, your average 35 year old man, who’s spent his whole life chasing checks over his own dreams and goals. Oh, what we do for something like money, leaving behind the very source of our dreams and goals just to get some money...it really is a pity.
“Hey Renard, guess what happened at Ria’s party last night!” Benjamin, a co-worker at DarkGorge.Co, which is your “all so lovely” workplace. He nudged Renards shoulder while placing his back against the wall while standing next to him, as he was unpleasantly refilling his mug with coffee for the tenth time. “Let me guess, you slept with her didn’t you?” Renard replied, with no emotions in your voice. It felt as if he was already done with everyone as he scanned the room with his dead eyes.
“Well-I-Well, yea” Benjamin said with a little chuckle as he began to rub the back of his head. His dimples arose from his smile, further enhancing the look of the gorgeous man. His dark blonde hair was short, but was soft enough to be lifted by the air with a single blow. No wonder why so many women fell for this cacuasian boy, he really was something else. Especially with that ear piercing and that deep voice, he truly was-a womaniser.
“What’s up with you? Got any action going?” He said with a smile, hoping that for once, Renard would reply with at least a morsel of emotion. However, it seemed as if the universe really didn’t wish for that to happen. Renard turned around, as his dark black eyes met with the blondes blue eyes. Renard wasn’t that ugly, he too was considerably good looking. However with that brown skin, and the darkness that evaded from his aura, it was nearly impossible to even get close to the guy.
Renard’s beard was trimmed, as usual, with white patches and of course with those sad lips and face, he really looked like he hadn’t had a good time for years. Benjamin, who was about 10 years younger than Renard, had always seen Renard as an Idol. Despite the attitude and darkness that shrouded him, he knew deep inside that Renard was a nice and generous man. He still remembers the time when Renard paid for surgery 4 years ago when he fell off the stairs because he had drunk too much and his “then girlfriend” pushed him in anger.
However despite all of Benjamin’s efforts to make the poor man happy, Renard has never shown a glimpse of emotions. For as long as Benjamin can remember, he’s never seen Renard happy-not for once has he seen the poor man happy and that awfully aches his heart. Even though they aren’t frankly too fond of each other (Renard knows Benjamin inside out, but Benjamin doesn’t know Renard at all), he still sees Renard as his family, he sees everyone as his family-except Ria, those two have a very complicated relationship.
Renard walks away with a shrug, and simply replies with a “The usual”. But no one knew what his “usual” was…
He walked back to his table, with a mug in his hand, a faceless expression on hand. He was the type of guy who made a five minute walk look like an excruciatingly painful 5 miles trip, just the very sight of him was enough to send a sense of remorse down your spine with a flash.
With each look Renard took, looking at the side of the alley while making his way back to his desk, he caught people glancing at him with suspicious looks. He was no stranger to these looks, he’d been getting them for years. It was abnormal for him to see people that really appreciated him, like Benjamin did. He hated to admit it, but Benjamin really reminded him of something that he had lost, and that pleasantly bloomed a smile on that lost face.
When he reached his desk, he aimlessly pulled his chair back and fell straight down onto his seat with his eyes glued onto his work. His hands acted as pillars as they held his face over his work, towering his shoulders and his messy hair flying all over the place. He was a total mess, but the man found no harm in being that way, after all, that was the norm of his life, which really emphasises the chaotic and depressive relationship he had forged in his drastically sorrowful life.
“You know, for the past 5 years that he’d worked in this company, not one of us has ever seen him happy.” whispered a gentleman to his fellow co-worker that sat opposite to him on the office desk. They were exchanging glances when suddenly they realised something odd about Renard. “Hey, psst, look at Renard! He’s doing something peculiar...is he smiling?” One of them whispered to the other, with a tinge of pure shock in his voice. “You’re kidding me, he’s not-wait a minute he might actually be-No that’s impossible…” the other one replied in sheer disbelief. Both of them could not believe their eyes.
This sight was more rare than the Aura Lights that occur depe in the north of the globe. It was as special as catching BigFoot, well of course with the difference that Renard smiling was a more achievable act than catching BigFoot, but his coworkers could say otherwise.
Quickly after noticing that he was becoming the center of attention, Renard erased the smile of his face and quickly and hastefully shoved a golden locket necklace into his pocket.
Just as soon as that occurred, Renard soon realised that he needed to head straight into the bathroom. And just as he got up, he was gone like a flash, running as fast as he could straight into the bathroom with his tie flying everywhere and his shirt becoming untucked. As he dashed through the room to reach the Bathroom, Renard felt something wet drop from his face, and he knew this wasn’t a good sign. Everyone was astonished by this. They were surprised that he knew something like running other than walking slowly and being a faceless doll. Before Benjamine could ask Renard what was wrong, he ran right past him. It truly was a very odd day for everyone.
As soon as Renard raised his arm, parallel to the floor and ready to push the bathroom door right open, he realised it would be best if he had slowed down his speed since he didn’t want to break the bathroom doors. Right after he had opened the door, and stepped his foot into the bathroom floors, he felt his legs shaking like noodles and felt as if needles were pricking his head. He was awfully trying to turn off the faucet of his eyes so that he wouldn’t burst into sudden tears, but he was too late to turn on the dams of his eyes.
His tears came flooding out while he quickly placed his hand on his mouth to muffle the shrieks that were trying to escape his lips. He held onto the sink with his other hand, grabbing it so tightly where it seemed as if he could shatter it if he were to add even more pressure. He looked up and saw himself in the mirror, unable to suppress the emotions he had bottled up for the past three years. He knew that these tears wouldn’t end right now, that they’d go on and on for hours, as the result of a suppression of three years.
It’s true that Renard was never a happy man, but there was a time when the poor man was happy. The only times he saw the shroud of happiness was when he was in his late 20’s and during his marriage. Those memories that were soon fading away, as his tears dropped into the sink, the little ripples that popped and the tiny splashes were enough to remind him that everything he had ever had-was gone...for good.
It wasn’t hard for him to remember that for the past three years, he’s only been grieving about what he had lost, a wife and his two children. If had been there, he would’ve died along with them, or at least saved his wife and kids. If only he had been there when the burglars invaded his home during his night shift at his Job. He had sacrificed so much just to get a promotion, only to lose the most important pillars of his life. He was collapsing, crashing down like a ceiling without support.
Renard understood that at this very moment, he could not work because these tears would not stop. Benjamin stood at the entrance, placing one hand on the entrance of the Bathroom and the other on his mouth, he was shattered to see what was happening to Renard. “Renard…” Benjamin said sorrowfully as he saw Renard doing his utmost best to stop breaking down, but nothing can fix a broken man. There was a moment of pure silence, no sound had dared to escape their lips. The only sound that could be heard was the water dripping from the water tap and Renards tears clashing on to them.
None of them dared to say a word.