The funny part about sunrises is that they're there every single morning, but they only feel special when you stop to appreciate them.
I've found that most things on the earth are like that. Irrelevant until humans decide that suddenly they're important. Usually they only change their minds about something when they realize it can do something for them.
I think humans have been blessed in that way, with the luxury of being able to be selfish. Its a privilege to only have to worry about yourself.
I remember when I first came into existence. God had been so kind and loving back then. They showed me the world with the brughtest glimmer of pride in their eyes.
"You see them, Samuel? Thoose are my children. They're human."
God looked down at me with so much love in his eyes it overwhelmed me. Back then I didn't realize that love wasn't for me.
"They're imperfect. They make mistakes, they hurt each other, they lie and do all sorts of awful things." God stated.
"Then why do you love them?" I asked.
"Because they're my children." He looked over the great masses of people.
"And you must love them as I do." God commanded me.
"It is your job as an angel. You are to love the humans more than anything, even yourself." God strongly stated.
"Alright." I answered. Back then I had no idea what he was really asking of me.
I looked down on hundreds of people, and suddenly felt overwhelmed by the strength of emotions radiating off of them.
"Why do humans appear so miserable?" I asked God.
He smiled sadly. "Because, Samuel, they're free."
His words puzzled me, but I didn't ask for clarification. Somehow I knew he wouldn't provide me with the answers.
It took over three hundred years for God to assign me a human. According to Micheal (the archangel who is, in human terms, my boss), most angels are assigned a human within a hundred years. Apparently I was just a late bloomer.
Michael said it was because I hadn't learned how to love humans with my whole heart. Now I've learned all too well what it means to love deeper than the oceans on the earth, more vastly than the starry skies of the universe.
The day I was assigned a human, ny entire perception of reality changed. I remember clearly when God called me into Romalia's Lewis' alife. Suddenly it felt as though I would give anything, everything for her. I had never met her, yet I instantly knew everything about her. Everything she loved, liked, or hated was instantly memorized.
I also learned about her pain. Before that day, I had only experienced human pain in small doses, when I watched over them from heaven occasionally. Romalia's pain was so strong and intense it knocked me on my feet within seconds.
My heart felt as if it would explode with sadness. The emotional pain caused my perfect angel body to ache in physical pain. My head held too many thoughts, and they were making my head pound.
For someone who had never once had to feel their own pain, this was excruciating.
I felt God's disapproval as he watched me cry on the floor.
"Samuel. It cant be that bad. Now get up, you've got work to do."
Somehow I managed to obey him.
That day, he taught me all about what being a guardian angel meant.
I was bound to Romalia in a way that no other being could ever be. I would feel every ounce of her joy, and elation, but also every ouce of her depression and sadness. Her overall well being was in my hands. I had to keep her safe and alive, and moderately happy.
At the time, I thought this would be an easy job. God, however, liked to make things difficult. He threw in a few caviots.
I was not allowed to grant her wishes to keep her happy. No "Cinderella stories" were allowed. I had to keep her happy by giving her obstacles to overcome in life. She had to earn her happiness.
God also said I wasn't allowed to approach her in a romantic manner. God told me that while I did love Romalia, it was only ever allowed to be a platonic love. Angels weren't allowed to experience romance.
God also said I was never allowed to tell her who I was if I did ever meet her in person. Humans apparently cannot handle the idea of supernatural beings being assigned to them. God said it would be "creepy" to Romalia.
Thoose 3 rules may sound simple, straightforward, and easy to follow, but the reality of them was much different.
I spent everyday in a strange mixture of pain and ecstacy. I knew I was in love with Romalia, she was all I could ever think about. But no matter what, I couldn't make her happy. She was always in pain, and so, I was always in pain. I made sure she got home safely every night, made sure she had everything she needed physically, I gave her pleasant dreams at night, hoping she would feel better in the morning. Nothing ever worked.
Knowing the person you love is hurting, while being unable to help is the worst kind of pain an angel can feel. Because we, as I've stated before, cannot be selfish. We always have to place our humans before ourselves. We always have to love, even against our will.
Sometimes I want to hate Romalia. She is the sole reason my angel life is a living hell. She is the reason I wake up with headaches, the reason I cry myself to sleep at night. But I know deep down I cod never hate her. She was my human, and I loved her more than anything. I loved her more than God.
I had to be careful about that. It was a terrible crime to love anything or anyone more than God. Romalia could be in danger if God found out. All though to be fair Romalia was in danger regardless. That woman was a danger to herself.
Nothing I did to help Romalia worked. As much as I loved to be optimistic, I was really starting to feel hopeless. Romalia's pain was so overwhelming it was hard to get out of bed most days. I knew it was only a matter of time before something terrible happened. It was only a matter of time before I had to face God's wrath. Because no matter how hard I tried, Romalia would never be happy.
The only thing that would make Romalia happy was to leave this miserable world. Romalia wanted to die.