Age 22
Well, I don't know how I started, and that may be the problem. I with Aunt Vickie and Carollton. Aunt Vickie is my grandmother Noreen's sister. She lives out here in Louisiana with me. I go to the University of Louisiana- at Lafayette on a basketball scholarship. Anyway.. today I'm on the way to get blood work. Yesterday I decided to tell our school physician that I've been depressed the past two years. Which is true. Prior to ULL, I went to Weatherford College in Texas for 2yrs. While I was there, I had a few close friends, a loving environment, and a really good friend of mine named Masha were there. Me and Masha were gay together. We fell in love. She loved me a little more being that when I left there I immediately started foneling a girl on my other team. Now this reputation has me thinking.
In High School, at Longview, I dated a girl on my team. And every year leading to my senior year in college (now) I've had a partner in crime.
I decided before this year began that I wouldn't date anyone or participate in illegal engagements. Thus being the case, I've spent more time alone and I'm more aware of .. me.
Basketball was with me during hard times. And in High School I was told that basketball could give you a scholarship, get your school paid for, and you could leave home. The two things coexisting led me to the goal at a young age "I want to perform as a division 1 basketball player". Now I'm here, living the dream, and can't grasp why I'm here. So, the past couple of months I've wondered, "who am I" ..
In other words, I haven't figured out much, and its driving me crazy. So I'm going to get counseling @1:30pm today. Hopefully, we figure something out.
Caraollten Aunt Cickie and I are at Super 1 foods. They keep asking me to get things, I told them I was fine. Aunt Vickie is persistent and keeps picking at me. Carrollton is more laid back. But they're both persistent and I'm losing my cool. I want to be alone. People bother me. I mess over people who love me.
I want to be disrespectful but I'm not disrespectful. I want to say fuck you but I'm not. Just like I want to die and I won't kill myself. Besides, if I die, I live forever in hell. I'm in hell on earth. At least we can hope for better days? Meanwhile, I'm in hell. In hell in my mind, in hell in the thought that I don't get along with people.
Aunt Vickie referred to a large medicine ball as incapable of all. It can't even roll. I took it a medicine doesn't work". Although this is how I interpreted it, Aunt Vickie recommends medicine a lot. So this alone is a contradiction that is not of God. I'm going to let it go now.
That's why you gotta say the first thing that comes to mind. Cause if you think about it, you're wrong. Haha. You prolly wrong. If you gotta think about it, its confusing, and that's not God. So know.
