Fornever (Book 2)

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Dead Butterfly

Ezra had a hard time staying idle for more than thirty seconds. He was constantly moving around, checking up on his pack, finishing up his paperwork, meeting the pack members who seemed a little cautious around him. There was one thought pierced into the front of his mind and it was getting increasingly addictive.


How was she? Was she thinking of him? Would she come back? Did she eat well? Was she happy with the separation?

And those were just the surface thoughts. The darker more intense thoughts that were capable of provoking his sadistic emotions were barely restrained in his head.


Cole noticed his hyperactivity. Sitting in his office, sipping coffee, he observed his friend over the rim of the cup. Ezra was never one to let go once he made his mind up about something. That explained his restless and disheveled tendencies.

What he couldn’t understand was the dead butterfly in a brand new jar on his desk. It was almost decayed.

“You ok?” He asked.

Ezra drew in a deep breath and loosened his tie. Resting his fists on the window sill, he peered outside. His jaw set in hard lines, veins stark.

“She went on a date today.”

Cole paused, “How do you– wait, nevermind. Why do you know that?”

The shadows in his eyes swirled as he straightened up and crossed his arms. “Because I had to. I felt suffocated, claustrophobic being here and not with her.”

“It’s barely been a day. Thought you let go of your obsession. This is progress, Ez. Don’t go back there.”

Ezra bit down on his bottom lip. Hard. Then stroked it with his thumb.

“You know what?” He gazed up at Cole from under his hair, falling on his forehead. “I never left that place. One whole day. I could pretend and fool myself for a day only that I have changed my mind.”

Worried, Cole put his cup back on the table and leaned forward. “Ezra... Give her space.”


That word irritated his very existence.

Frustrated and anxious, Ezra walked up to his desk and leaned against it then grabbed the jar of the dead butterfly.

“I gave her space. Plenty of it. I didn’t chase her this time. And I surely didn’t tear apart the asshole who took her out on a date. It’s boiling my blood but I’m coping.”

“Maybe it’s not a date. Lily isn’t–”

"Shush." Ezra lowered his head and held up his forefinger. The demons in his head were starting to stir.

“I will wait for her to come back. No matter how much time that takes. I’ll wait a lifetime. She needed time to think and she will think about me as long as she’s away.”

Cole watched him tighten his hold on the jar and sink into his chair. His breaths were erratic, eyes flickering and body stiff.

“This thing– this– whatever people wanna call it, that I have for her runs far beyond obsession. I can’t breathe, I can’t eat, I can’t move, I don’t feel normal without her. I’m losing the last of my sanity. I need her and not just physically or mentally. I want to blend into her soul like ink in water. I want her to suffer for me.” Clutching his hair to calm down, Ezra then bared his forehead and placed his arms on top of the desk. “I want to capture her. To mark her, own her, brand her. I want to be the only thought that exists in her head. A possession so deep, destructive and unimaginable– I need it to feel alive.”

If he felt like he was threading on thin ice then Cole probably felt like the ice broke and he was plunged into the deepest pits of Antarctica. The hair on his neck stood.

The fuck is this man turning into.

Speechless, he stared at his friend. “What the actual hell is happening to you?” He demanded and jumped to his feet. “You were a damn saint last night and a fucking lunatic this morning. Bipolar much? You need a psychiatrist and therapies every second of every minute per day.”

Ezra was not fazed by this reaction almost as if he expected it. A bored sigh left his rumbling chest as he put his hands behind his head and sunk deeper into his chair.

Cole marched up to his desk and narrowed his eyes at him. “What are you up to?”

Ezra shrugged. “Nothing. I said I need it. Never said I’d force it.” A strained pause then a silent, ”for now.”

“Don’t. Fuck. Up.”

“Trying not to, so far.”

“I’ll bust your ass this time. No jokes.”

That itched the Alpha in him. “Don’t tempt me.”

Cole shook his head and left the office when his training classes started. Ezra was left behind with another load of papers on his desk which failed in keeping his mind occupied.

“I had fun hanging out with you.”

Juan was grinning as he opened the door for Lily. She on the other hand was feeling queasy.

“Me too, thanks for the tour.”

“Don’t mention it. I’m actually looking forward to helping you out more.”

Lily turned There was a cluster of emotions inside her. Anger at Marie, irritation with someone taging along, frustration with her mood swings and an emotion so strong it wasn’t definable. Her heart was strung together by all these strings and it hurt. A dull ache in her chest and knot in her stomach all day.

Reason? Ezra.

She tried blaming her vengeful wolf for the emotional rollercoaster but who was she kidding. Her anticipated freedom was finally hers but a twisted part of her was addictive about her drug. Him. Everywhere she looked, she somehow imagined him there.

The biggest struggle was seeing someone and restraining from comparing them with Ezra. He was that addictive.

“I don’t think I’d need help but your offer is appreciated.”

Juan watched her walk up the steps and enter the packhouse. Maids were cleaning, members wandering and children running as Lily made her way up to her room.

The day barely dragged on. The turmoil inside her was growing into an abyss. Soon enough, the clouds inside resonated the storm outside. Marie came around in the evening but Lily was not in the mood to face anyone. Night found her sitting in the balcony watching the harsh spray of water on gentle trees.

Somewhere in the room, her phone rang. She fetched and settled in a chair in the balcony. The ID flashed once more, making her frown.

Pack Office.

Which one?

It took her a while to figure out how to answer since she was new to phones. At first she was cautious so she just held the phone up to her ear then the caution blended with recognition and morphed into a calmness that soothed her anxiety.

Those breathes, the depth and rythm of which weren’t new to her, belong to her ex-mate. It surprised her. Her body reacted to his breaths too.

“Hi,” she rasped, her throat dry, heart racing.

Silence and a deep sigh as if he just relaxed for the first time. A wordless, soundless and barely there wave of comfort exchanged between the two. Her belly eased from its rough knots.

“I hope you’re doing okay.”

Playing with the hem of her night gown, she subconscious conjured up images of him.

“I’m not.”

That tone, it made her pause. Deep, edgy and dark. She had hoped he’d not regret his decision and bound her once more.

“What’s wrong?” She inquired, dreading the answer.

Sheets rustled on the other end before she heard footsteps and the approaching sound of wind. “I don’t know. A part of me is missing and I miss it.”

Her heart squeezed.

“Ezra...” She hesitated, “I thought you agreed that–”

“Say it again.”

She frowned. “What?”

“My name.”


“Damn it,” he mumbled far away but she heard.

The strings tugging at her heart were pulled and stretched. He sounded miserable.

“I’m sorry,” the words left her mouth without any reason. Her mind couldn’t comprehend why but her heart meant it.

“Me too, baby. Me too.”

There it was. The way he called her baby. It was moments like these that made her feel she belonged to him no matter how hard she tried to prove she wasn’t.

To change the subject for the sake of her frantic pulse, she asked, “How’d you have this number?”

“That’s my private phone.”


“The one you’re holding, that was mine. I figured you might need one in case of emergency.”

“What about you?”

“I have a few other sets.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to. The whole Alpha is yours, what’s a phone compared to that.”

She faltered, bit her lip and palmed her eyes. This was too much. Her insides felt raw and his voice was a bittersweet balm.

“Why are you doing this?” She asked, exhausted. “Why do you have to remind me I have lost something very precious and I can’t have it back?”

“Maybe you never lost. It’s still here, waiting for you. Just come back and get it.”

“Ezra,” her plea was desperate.

“Do you honestly believe you can find someone who’d want you more than I do?”

“It’s not about finding someone. It’s about me. It’s my life, I want to be the one in control. I want to make my decisions without feeling guilty about it.”

She could sense his frustration in the way his breathing changed. Just how much did she know him?

Ezra turned quiet, they listened to noise in their backgrounds and each other’s heartbeats. He couldn’t for the life of him bear the distance anymore and Lily despite the distance felt him closer than her jugular.

“Will you ever come back?”

She closed her eyes tilted her head back. “I have a life back there, yes.”


There were no more words after that. Ezra knew he’d be miserable all night if she hung up and Lily in her own selfish heart wanted any sort of comfort in that moment. It was the first time she had left the pack and this was not how she imagined it.

A shrill ring jolted her up and she realized she had somehow fallen asleep. It was still raining and it was way past midnight. She picked up the phone and yawned behind her palm.

“Hello,” she croaked, her back aching.

“Baby,” his alluring voice and gentle tone tingled her toes. “You fell asleep and judging by the noise you’re not in bed.”

She squinted and nodded then realized he couldn’t see her. “Yeah. Thanks for reminding me.”

“Go to bed.”

“Okay,” she made it to her bed, wondering why she couldn’t bring herself to hang up. Maybe it was the sleep coursing in her system.

Sleepy and tired wasn’t the best condition to think.

“I’m sorry if I bothered you. I know you needed space... From me." The way he said me pulled at her heart. “I won’t disturb you– or at least try not to.”

“It’s okay,” she cut in, not liking the vulnerability in his tone. “I don’t mind...”

She didn’t want to reveal too much. Her emotions and his constant presence in her head were something she didn’t want to share.

“I miss you,” he whispered.

I miss you too.

Perhaps she said it or maybe she didn’t. She was barely conscious by then to process.

Lily was up at dawn the next morning. Her bladder was about to burst. She waddled into the bathroom and relieved herself. Her body was well rested so she didn’t have to go back to sleep.

Later on, Sam showed up at her room and found her reading a book.

“Hey, you up?”

Lily put her book down. “Yeah.”

“There’s a spring nearby. Wanted to check it out. Wanna tag along?”

“Sure. Let me change into something comfortable.”

Lily palmed through her dresses looking for something to wear when her mind processed something was missing from her closet. Something very important and private.

“No, no, no” she chanted under her breath as she frantically searched her bags, drawers and folded clothes.

Her pregnancy reports were missing.

Sam quirked a brow at her frantic sweep around her room.

“You look like you just saw a ghost. What are you looking for?”

Lily rubbed her temples. “I had a folder of files. It’s missing.”

“Misplaced it?”

“I can’t find it anywhere and I don’t remember taking it out of the closet.”

Sam held up his hands. “Okay, okay. I’ll help look for it. Don’t hyperventilate.”

Lily was sure it was nowhere in her room. Why would someone take her reports? Was it Marie? No, she would’ve bit her head off for keeping it from her.

Marie, she mindlinked her. I have an emergency. Come to my room pronto.

Her palms turned sweaty. She didn’t want them to know because deep down she had wished she’d tell Ezra first. She just had to find that report somehow and hide it from them.

Marie burst into her room minutes later. Lily told her what happened. They even asked the maids if they’d seen any files when they were cleaning and they said they haven’t been to her room.

“Maybe you put it somewhere else and forgot about it?” Marie suggested.

Lily took the glass of water from Sam and shook her head. “I don’t remember.”

“Relax a little and then think about it. We’ll find it or I’ll ask Juan to look for it.”

That name added fuel to the fire. Lily threw her a sour look. “Yeah, thank the goddess you reminded me. I came here for peace Marie, not dates.”

Sam pursed his lips then looked away to conceal the smile on his face. Marie on the other hand looked offended.

“It was a joke. Shawn told me Juan will show you around so I said Okay, no biggie.”

“I’m serious, though. Tell Shawn I appreciate his efforts but I’d rather be on my own.”

“Why are you extending your claws? Chill, Lily.”

“Chill?” Lily stood up.

Sam cut in before Lily could go off. “You look like you need to blow off steam and Marie,” he gave her a mocking stern look, “No more dates.”

She stuck her tongue out then rolled her eyes. “Fine by me.”

Sam dragged Lily out of the room despite her agitation and took her to the spring. Nature toned her anxiety down but not quite soothe it. She sat by the cold water on a rock and watched Sam fool around in the small pond by the spring.

Sitting there listening to her own thoughts, she realized she had been running and running and running ever since she had met Ezra. In her pursuit for escape, she had been reckless and inconsiderate.

Maybe I really am selfish and self-centered.

But was that wrong?

By the time the sun disappeared beyond the mountains, Sam was tired and they headed back. Dinner was fast and tidy. She ate the lasagna but her throat refused entry to the soup so she sent it back from her room.

The absence of her pregnancy reports still bothered her. Marie told her Juan was on it but it was no comfort. She was out like a light after dinner. Her sleep schedule was getting out of whack.

By midnight, her room was flooded with dark. She was sleeping when she heard that ring. Her sleepy eyes peeled often slowly. Her heart stopped when she spotted the dark figure by the door. Time seemed frozen she stared at the shadow. In a woosh, the shadow moved. She scrambled up the bed when she felt it zooming in then jumped off the bed with a scream.

Her elbow bumped with the nightstand, knocking off the lamp in the process. Her fist hit the switch and turned on the lights, her heart ready to burst. Sam was in the room next to her so it took him a few seconds before he was pounding on the door.

“Lily?!” He yelled through the door. “Lily? Are you okay? What the fuck is happening?!”

Mind hazed, she jumped to her feet and looked around. There was no one there. And the door was locked.

Did I have a nightmare?

No. It felt so real. It was real.

Coming back to reality, she opened the door and let Sam in. He checked her for any injuries then surveyed her room.

“There was someone here.” She told him. “I saw someone jump on my bed and– I don’t know...”

“But there’s no one here. Your door was locked and your balcony door is also closed.”

Lily sank into the nearest chair and allowed her shaking hands to feel the ache from the hit. Her spine went stiff as she touched her belly. As subtle as possible, she check for any injuries there. None were found. There was not pain in her womb either so that was a relief.

“But the shadow...” She gave up mid way and groaned.

“I’ll stay here, tonight.” Sam told her and starting making the bed. “Maybe you’re just stressed because of the papers.”

Lily had no choice but to remain silent. It could have been a hallucination. She grabbed herself a glass of water and drowned it then noticed the notification on her phone.

A missed call from Pack office.

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