Fornever (Book 2)

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My Silence

Come in, my full moon.

Lily rolled her eyes at the cheesy nickname and entered his office only to stop short when her eyes fell on the guests. The two elders looked up and nodded at her politely.

Lily’s accusing eyes flit to Ezra who was watching her from beside the couches with an amused smile.

“Uhm...” Lily cleared her throat and turned to the guests, bowing slightly. “I apologise for interrupting your meeting. I had no idea you were busy.”

Ezra lazily strode to her side and hid his grin. “Meet my mate, Lillian.” He introduced her. “I invited her in. Hope you don’t mind.”

My mate. Lily spared him in front of the royal investigators. They were anything but mates. In fact, they were ex-mates.

“It’s fine. We were finishing up.”

Ezra threw a glance at Cole and jerked his head towards the door as subtle as possible. Cole caught on and hastily gathered the documents.

Lily made a move to leave, oblivious to Ezra’s swelling heart but he gripped her hand and pulled her closer until her back met his chest.

“Maybe we should discuss this after lunch. The preparations are ready and the former Alpha is waiting for you in the dining room. Shall we?” Cole announced and stood up.

“Of course. Why not.”

Luke held the door open for them as Ezra shook their hands whilst his other hand still holding onto Lily’s wrist. She smiled and exchanged pleasantries with the investigators.

Cole gave Lily a ‘good luck’ look because she told him why she needed that butterfly this morning.

“So my pride and joy made lunch for me fully knowing that the packhouse has a kitchen of it’s own and I can order whatever I want?”

Ezra teased lightly when they left. Lily slipped her hand out of his and turned around with a hard expression on her face. Not impressed.

“You could’ve told me you’re busy. I would have asked someone to give you your lunch after you were done.”

His deep blue eyes were distracted by the fiery glow in her eyes. She’s magnificent.

Then he noticed her expectant frown. “Well...”

He rolled up his sleeves. “The world can wait for all I care. When it comes to You, my Lillian, I can’t wait.”

She huffed and marched off to his desk in pursuit of hiding the pink tint dusted on her cheeks. It was ridiculous. She was angry and the heat creeping up her neck made her didn’t help at all.

Slamming down the little square basket on his desk, she heard him shuffle closer then lean against the desk beside her.

“Never thought I’d see this day. The Lillian I know wants nothing to do with me. And after last night–”

Thud.

The little pot full of macaroni protested under her assault. Maybe she was being ridiculous or perhaps it was what she heard the pack members whispering behind her back.

He rejected her. Isn’t that enough? Jeez, some people will strip their spins for the sake of a better title.

Another was particularly funny.

She should learn how to move on instead of chasing our Alpha even after he made it clear what he thinks of her. I didn’t expect this from Lily.

She was not one to let people effect her but her tattered self respect wasn’t helping her at all in those moments. Her pregnancy had her emotions all over the place.

“Hey...” Ezra slackened his crossed arms when he noticed her tense jaw. “I’m sorry.”

“Um-hm.” She mumbled and dished out a spoon and a fork.

Ezra took the utensils from her hands, put them on the table then pulled her until she was standing between his legs.

“I have a feeling you don’t like cigarettes or the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.”

Lily took a deep breath and lowered her head. Something was bothering her. She didn’t want to show and he had no clue how to read it.

“No worries,” she said in monotone. “It’s not like it matters.”

This scrunched up his forehead. “The fuck it does. I can’t go cold turkey but I’ll try to reduce the intake.”

He felt her hands tense as if she wanted to curl them yet she didn’t. Her body language screamed frustration. His eyes narrowed into slits and his bottom lip rolled under his teeth.

“Lillian.” He tasted her name in his mouth. “Lillian.”

They were both stuck in their own webs. Neither could escape to pull the other out. Her hair was tied in a low ponytail which allowed his heart the opportunity to marvel at the sight.

It was bittersweet.

She felt like a fantasy of morning sun and clouds in his arms.

His heart thuded painfully. “The closer I pull you, the distant you feel.” The words slipped off his tongue in a plea. “I’m near you but you are not. Are you ever going to belong to me in all your essence? The whole of you. In all your entirety. Mine and mine alone.”

A small smile graced her grim face. It was a small worth of a hundred secrets. Soft yet shady.

“Make me more restless.” She uttered, looking down at his hands holding hers. “Make me blind, make me senseless. This pain isn’t enough to make me high. You have already lodged the knife. Either pull it out or push it deeper. I don’t want an incomplete wound.”

The words pulled at the hooks embedded in his soul. He would never make her his if she didn’t let go of her obstinacy. Those words, the terrified him.

He knew what it meant. What she wanted to say.

Let me go forever or hold me down for your own selfish heart.

How could he do that without feeling like a rotten dead body? She was the life inside him.

Ezra sighed helplessly and snaked his arms around her waist. He drew her near to fill in the cracks inside him. She allowed him the few moments of false hope and gazed at his head on her shoulders.

“Can’t you look at this from my perspective?” He asked.

“Would you do the same for me?”

Silence.

Then, after a bruised pause, “My love has no limits, no boundaries. I can’t control it. It’s controlling me. I have surrendered a long time ago. And I know I should man up for your sake but my demons cripple me every time. They know. There is no one but you. It’s just you, you and you. I won’t have anything left if I removed you from me. I know deep down it must be hurting you. You might hate me because I do too but I– I just, I– can’t even think of–”

Lily wrapped her arms around his hunched shoulders and stroked his hair for comfort when the edgy words brought out his raw fear. The pain riffling in his breaths tightened the knots in her stomach but eased her anger.

“I don’t hate you,” she assured him as his back heaved greedily in search of air. “I never hated you. I’ve told you this multiple times. Things didn’t work out but we’re both responsible for it. Why do you think I’m here? Because you forced me? No. I... have realized that...” swallowing a stubborn lump in her throat, she hesitated. “... that you’re not a bad person. You’re just confused and lost. It hurts, I admit but I want to help us both.”

Ezra lifted his head and peered into her eyes. His beastly eyes piercing right through her soul. “I’m not confused.”

She combed back his hair with her slender fingers. “You are. Your love is not limitless. It has a boundary and that boundary is my presence. Grow out of associating your life with me. You will live no matter the circumstances. You’re breeding fear in your mind. Nobody dies after a heartbreak. They because of what they force themselves to believe and you’re believing the wrong things, Ezra.”

“I’m not.”

Lily opened her mouth then shut it and dropped her hands from his face. “We’ll talk about this some other time. But before we do, please try and understand what I tell you.”

Ezra didn’t react.

“I’m getting late. I need to deal with some things at the cafe. I’ll see you tonight. Finish your lunch.”

Lily felt slightly better than she did when she came in. At least he listened without any articles of furniture flying around. She ventured out of his embrace and turned to the door.

Ezra reached out and snatched her forefinger, halting her footsteps. He straighten up, approached her with an emotion swarming around him which was too deep for Lily to interpret.

The breath was knocked out of her lungs when he slowly bent his head and placed a firm kiss under her earlobe. The second kiss made her pulse race when it landed on her jugular and the third made her weak in the knees when he barely pricked her shoulder with his canines.

She was a mess inside out when he deliberately hovered above her lips. His minty breaths tickled her.

She waited for him to make a move. Or say anything or just do something but he stood there like a personification of ‘I own you and you know it’ which compelled her to escape.

The only culprit she could in all of this were her out of whack hormones which drove her nuts around him.

She found herself within the cafe in merely minutes. Sabrina was busy with the orders and Kandra was loading the sweets showcase. Lily threaded carefully in the cafe. Her nerves were alert and her body extremely aware of her life blossoming in her womb.

It never crossed her mind that the reason she cautiously avoided the sharp corners of rectangular tables, trays, heat from the stove, spilling hot coffee or presence of another person around her was paranoia.

“Lily!”

An all too familiar and very angry yell made her wince. She had barely set down a tray in front of a customer when Marie came storming in.

“What the actual fucking fuck?!”

Lily was not the only one who winced at that one but Marie couldn’t care less about the strangers. Her hand swooped down to get a hold of her friend but Lily’s instincts fired up and she smacked her arm away without thinking twice.

It surprised them both. Lily was itching to get away from her because her hostility was edging her wolf and Marie was too busy recollecting her jaw from the floor.

“Lily?” Marie demaned.

Lily swiped the non-existent sweat from her forehead and groaned before dragging her to the kitchen. Sam followed them silently.

“Why did you leave out of the blue like cind-fucking-rella?” Marie threw at her the moment they were inside.

It was perhaps the first time in her life that Lily absolutely detested hearing cursing.

“Tone it down.” She snapped. “You can talking without cussing. I can understand normal English.”

Marie scoffed and crossed her arms. “Answer the question, little miss priss.”

Lily subconsciously stood away from the countertop’s protruding edge. “The cafe needed me and I wasn’t enjoying the hustle up there anyway.”

“So you just flee?” Sam cut in. “You come back home like you never had any friends there.”

Lily noticed Sam and her guilt reared it’s ugly head. She could see it in his eyes. He felt abandoned. Maybe she hurt him too.

“I’m sorry.” She softened. “I really am. I was feeling anxious there so I asked Ezra to bring me back.”

The sarcastic laugh she received from Marie and scowl from Sam weighed her down.

"The Ezra?” Sam couldn’t believe her. “The one you rejected before you left here? You asked him of all people?”

Marie smacked the tabletop and growled. “The fu–”

“Don’t curse.” Lily warned.

Marie shut her mouth, offended.

“What the hell is up your ass, Lily?”

Swear to the moon goddess, she didn’t know. Maybe it was the presence of her little one. It was beyond ridiculous but she didn’t want the baby to hear the f-word.

“Look...” She pleaded with both of them. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this before because I didn’t want to ruin your day but Ezra and I–”

“Patched up?” Sam inquired.

The truth was probably not the best option right now.

She shook her head. “Ezra and I thought we should think this through one last time before making a final decision.”

Sam seemed the least bit convinced.

“Final decision after rejection. Wow.” Marie threw her arms up in the air.

“Marie, please.”

Marie growled in frustration and walked up to her. Lily crossed her arms in front of her belly as unsuspiciously as she could.

“I’m leaving in two days with my mate.” She grabbed her shoulders. “Please, I beg you. If there’s anything, anything that is bothering you, just tell me. I’ll take you with me. You need to relax.”

Lily gave her a reassuring smile and said, “I promise you if I ever needed help, I’ll tell you. I’ll visit your pack first, if it came to it.”

Marie inhaled then sighed dramatically. “Fine.” She rolled her eyes. “But why are you so tense.”

Because you’re directly in front of me.

“Nothing. I just don’t want my friends to worry about me.”

Lily looked over at Sam and exchanged a good smile with him too but they both in there was a crack in their friendship and she needed to do something about it.

“Coffee?”

“Yesssss, bitch.”

“Marie!”

———

Ezra dropped his feet from his desk when he swallowed the last of the delicious spanish omlete his Angel made for him. There was a storm brewing inside him and he knew thunderstorm was next. His Lillian wanted him to understand that he had to let her go.

How is that love?

If he let her go, how would he show her how much he loved her. He wanted her to replace her sanity with him. He should be the one in her head like how all he could see, think and feel was her.

He was lost in his thoughts whilst his demons paced in his head. The empty pots were from his home but they have never made him feel this homely before. He put them back in the basket then set it aside. His blue curious eyes latched onto the jar wrapped up in a sheet tied by a ribbon.

When he opened the basket earlier, he found it lodging in the corner. What made it special was her little card.

Something to remember me by. –L

He convinced himself that “L” meant love. Here he was ready to open her first gift to him. He tortured himself by delaying opening it until he ate.

He felt like a nervous teenager when he pulled at the ribbon and the veil gave out.

The giddiness and hope drained from within him along with his breaths. He sank into his chair, gripped the edge of the desk and rolled closer, his eyes glued to the jar.

It was a butterfly.

The same butterfly he saw landing one the poppies in their hands.

A blue butterfly.

Trapped in a jar.

The sight was so powerful it made the Alpha lose sense of his surroundings and just stare.

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