Day 1 - Sad
I'm not going to lie I'm worried.
I'm frightened by the thought of no food or blood to drink. I'm thinking that I might get hungry. Very hungry. I'm scared it might hurt. I'm scared I'll go insane. I'm scared of many things but worst of all I'm scared I'll hurt Luke when I get so thirsty I can no longer stand another second without blood.
I do not tell Luke my thoughts for they are evil and I regret them immediately.
Luke has fallen asleep and it is midday in the circular cell in the tower of the castle. I dream of biscuits and fish and of petting my cat who is now dead because I was evil for a moment and ate him out of hunger.
Was that the way it was? Was that who I was? A vampiress that killed just to feel a little full. I felt angry at myself and I pulled my knees up to my chest, ignoring the clanging of the chain that kept me bound to the floor and wall. I wrapped my arms around my knees. I'm pissed. I really am.
I think that in terms of philosophical absurdity I might be a fool to the greatest extent comprehensible to man. I am a slave to my body. Whether it be as a woman or a vampiress or a human being that is to be transformed from one thing to another without the least bit of her consent in any way whatsoever,I am a puppet of my circumstances that can never seem to do anything about it.
I'm watching Luke as he sleeps and knowing to myself I will never betray him.
I would never do that. I would never hurt him and I do love him and cherish him and think that he is right for me and that I'd like to be with him forever. He was perfect. My ideal. And I loved him.
So obviously. Why would I hurt him;
The answer is I wouldn't dare.
I loved him.
I would never hurt him.
No matter how thirsty or hungry I got for his blood.