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Day 16- Religion

~You know what they say.

If something bad happens.
Should it twist and turn in such a way.

Blame God.

He made us after all.~

I'm flabbergasted by how religious I've become lately. It may seem a contradiction, knowing that I am a vampiress and that the original dracula king was a vampire that had been known for his blasphemy and war against the angels.

And yet here i am, a vampire myself and thinking that I might like to be a Christian girl again and believe in God and his love and think that he might come down and save us someday.

God is real.

He is our savior.

He is our salvation.

And yet despite my love for him, I feel like all he has ever done my entire life is hurt me. Why? Why couldn't he just love me the way I loved him? I feel like God is angry with me and that I live in a constant loop of being overwhelmed by his wrath.

God is love.

That's what I know.

But if this was what Love felt like, did I really want it? If this was what love felt like, then what the hell was hate? I'd never know.

But the point was I found myself a hungry and religious woman as I sat curled up in a ball and thinking to myself that life was a good thing. A GOOD thing, after all.
That despite everything, i felt like life could be a grand thing and potentially a very happy thing and that I was very grateful to be able to live there.

I felt like life was a GOOD thing and that I should be very grateful to God for letting me have the opportunity to meet Luke and be able to spend this time with him in this chamber. perhaps the lack of food was to purify the experience, so that there would be as few variables as possible in my journey to comprehending my full love for Luke.

My point is that God is a good thing and I'm glad i'm here.

If only I weren't so fucking hungry, I'd be able to think it even louder.

Sighing, I bend down and pray to God for forgiveness from my ungratefulness my entire life.

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