The Long Beach
Maria walked every day on the long beaches of Waldmeer. She often felt alone, both on and off the beach. It was not quite true that she was alone because she still had Erdo and Charlie and her mother and father. Yet, she was alone. No Amira. No Farkas. No Gabriel. She wondered why it would matter so much that Farkas and Gabriel were both gone. She, previously, hardly saw Farkas. When she did, he was either outright angry with her or the anger was hovering just below the surface, ready to emerge if she did or said anything which he felt warranted it. And Gabriel? Why did it matter that he didn’t have time for Maria anymore? Maria always knew that he had a full and busy life in the city.
Why are they so important to me to be such a loss? thought Maria. I didn’t choose them to be in my life. They certainly would not have been obvious choices. One of them could be feral and the other lived in a different world. If I didn’t choose them, maybe, they chose me? They would have as little chosen her, as she would have chosen them. Who made the choice then? Maria wondered. These choices that seem to be made on their own, they bring as much sorrow as joy. Maybe more. Why? Are they designed to hurt us? Maybe they bring hidden grace but we struggle to find it. Maria looked at the seagulls powering low over the wild beach. Her mind was very still and quiet. It is the light of love which connects us to others. That is what we miss. We miss the love, she thought calmly. We answer the call of love. It comes from God and touches our soul. These were deep thoughts. Perhaps, Amira was close by.
It is one thing to lose people you love, thought Maria. It is another to lose yourself. That is a greater loss. “Life is not worth much to me without Amira,” Maria said to the seagulls as they sat on the sand. “Even if I have no one else, I must have her.” The seagulls lifted in one communal effort and turned to sea. Maria watched them go. “I will get her back again,” she called after them.