“I’m going to sell my house,” Farkas said to Verloren who was in Waldmeer for the weekend working on her gardening project.
“What?” said a shocked Verloren. “No, I like coming here.”
“Then you can buy it,” said Farkas. Verloren liked coming when Farkas was in the house not when he wasn’t. Farkas had already made up his mind about selling and Verloren did end up buying it. She and her husband would use it as a holiday house.
It was a sad time for Verloren. The house had a quick settlement and she was soon unlocking the door with her own key instead of knocking on the door and Farkas opening it for her. In spite of his ambivalence towards and, sometimes, abuse of her, Verloren would miss him greatly over the coming months. It was a childish and irrational wish to want Farkas to love her but don’t we all do this? We make people special to us, believing that they can save us. Verloren was, perhaps, more obvious in her quest, less reserved than others, more aggressive in what she wanted but who could blame her for doing something we all do, even if others do it with more grace? It’s still the same idea of believing someone else can save us from ourselves.
With time, Verloren would, probably, transfer that longing to another person with a version of the same results. Don’t we do this too? When one thing doesn’t work, we look somewhere else to be saved. We rarely question the concept, itself. Sometimes, we don’t look to another person to save us but to money, acknowledgement, a title, a cause, a notion of ourselves. None of it can save us. We travel the path in different ways; some are more polite, some are ruthless, some are clever, some are instinctive. In the end, it all leads to the same despairing place.
In the midst of all this searching and not finding, Verloren was given a special gift. She now had a house in Waldmeer and Waldmeer had a healing energy that was capable of helping people if they would let it. In the unsuspecting quiet moments, there it was, bringing in a sense of peace and a feeling that everything was fine without searching for anything to be saved by. It softened the grabbing for love and the blaming when that stupid grabbing didn’t work.
One evening while walking in the fading light back to her newly acquired house, Verloren remembered a dream she once had. In the dream, her grandfather told her how to get to the Garden of Garourinn. A person called the Head Gardener suggested that she try to visit it again in her sleep. She had the dream a long time ago. In all that time, Verloren had not even thought about it once. That night as she laid her head on the pillow and drifted off to sleep, listening to the faint waves in the distance a thought crossed her mind. I might be able to find the Garden of Garourinn in my dreams. She was, at last, looking in a place that could actually help her.
Farkas knew he needed to go somewhere away from Waldmeer. He didn’t know where. However, someone else did know.