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Nevaeh- is a 14-year-old girl living in Pennsylvania around the 2000s. She is the small girl in her class and has other kids, classmates, mother, grandmother, and even her guardian, putting her down, Navaeh cannot rise above all the hatred and shine. On the darkest day of her human life, Nevaeh commits suicide. That is not the end of her young life, but the start of a supernatural life. “Neveah is the girl who existed.” Notebooks of her life. Show a town, that to her is just as backward as her temperament. She lives a life of bullying. Nevaeh feels that death is a way out of the pain. She lives her life out to see all that she has lost by choosing to relinquish to death, at the age of 14. As a fallen angel. An evil entity with wickedness, wanting pain, and death is always lurking in the darkness of cobwebbed-filled minds she has obtained from twisted brainwashing. Nevaeh becomes lost in her mind and the minds of others in the afterlife.

Fantasy / Drama
Marcel Ray
Age Rating:

Chapter: 1


Marcel Ray Duriez


Book: 1

A Book of Choices

Interval section 1

‘Walking the Halls’

Preface: Have a voice:

‘The power behind words and voices is substantial to life! I dedicated this book to all of you readers before you even read it, to understand- the book of misunderstandings for the misunderstood. To have a voice, when you were made not have one or told not to have one. Maybe if you are like me, trying to get your voice back this is the story you need. Nonetheless, let us not fail to remember all the voices, which will never speak again, for being rejected and misunderstood.’

‘Yes, be that voice with this book, this book is for you, to speak up, and be heard.’


‘So, there are no more lost and forgotten voices of life. This book is a stepping stone to abolish bullying altogether, along with your help; we can take that step forward, and forget about the past!’

‘At this time, I would like you all to take a moment of silence, to remember someone, that is no longer with us. So, they are not forgotten.’


‘To understand, you must read between the lines of a story just like mine. My wronging if you do not read this book, is you will find out fast that life is going to suck, and then you make the discovery, that you are going to die alone, and the hex- I have will now be on you.’

‘At least that is what I thought; I thought I read, my story before it was written, and this note was the last thing that I was going to write. However, I never realized that there was so much more to life, which I did not appreciate. I came near a stone’s throw away from the end. Yet I got additional unplanned lifespans. Yet, was the second chance what I needed?’

‘Nevertheless, there were things that I concerned my mind with, which was not substantial to my existence.’

‘If anything- learn from me. Try to do the virtuous things I did and not the mistakes I made. Though it is up to you to decide what was good or bad, it is what you feel and believe is morally right in your mind.’

‘Yeah- I never really put any thought into what was going to happen to me someday, and the others that are part of my surroundings.’

‘However, life goes on, and the existence of what was stands for nothing but- a memory of what you can and cannot have. If you are someone like me, but all I ever wanted was someone that appreciates me. They say life is free or is it. Do I want it- No- not really!’

‘The existence of life…!’ ’Is what I do not want to have anymore. There must be a way out of all this misery that I live in today. ‘They say dying is easy, as well as lasting, and living is difficult and uncertain.’ While- I am going to find out!′

‘Life is all about what you want, need, and love.’

‘Likewise, existing in life comes down to what you cannot have in it.’

‘All I have to say is do not let anyone or anything pin you down, and make you less than whom you are. Always be whom you were meant to be, regardless of what they say… because who in the hell are they!’

‘My story- is graphic at times, just like looking into a black and white photo of the past in a scrapbook. All the color in it washes away over time, one way or another. Besides all that is left is still frames that keep on fading, and distorting.’

‘On the morning I was scheduled to die, I saw my life as if I had lived it to its whole. Oh, the captivating angel beamed lovingly as she roamed forward help me hang myself, a part of me felt death, and other parts of my mind, body, and soul felt as if it would never dye.’

Chapter: 1

First Visions of Emotions

(The very next day)

‘I am enduring will standing alone bare and yes, I am completely naked to the world outside. So, unprotected by the atmosphere above and around me, so unlike- the day, I was born into this hellish world.’

‘My life was not always like this! Still as of now, I stand trembling on top of this cruel land, which I call my hereditary land or my hometown.’

’Some still call me by my name, and that is ‘Nevaeh May Natalie.’

‘Some of the others, like the kids I go to school with in this land, have other titles for me.’

’However, you can identify me by the name of ‘Nevaeh.’ That is if you want to.′

‘I do not think that even matters to you, my name is… it has been replaced and it is not significant anymore. Nor does my name matter to anyone out there for miles around. At least that is the way it seems to me, standing here now as I see the bus come to take me there.’

’Names or not said to me, ‘I feel alone!’ I whispered to myself.′

‘It is like I am living a dream. I did not think my nightmare of orgasmic, tragic, and drizzling emotions pouring in my mind would last this long.’

(‘Class, faces, names, done.’)

‘It like a thunderstorm pounding in my brain, as it is today outside. I have come home from yet another day of hell that would be called- school to you.’

‘I do not even go into the house until I have this restricting schoolchild uniform torn off my body. I feel like my skin is crawling with bugs when it is on my figure.’

(Outside in the fields, next to the tracks)

‘It is the middle- September and I am standing in the rain. It is so cold, so lonely, and so loveless! Additionally, this is not usual for me, I am always bare around my house, I have my reason you will see.’

‘The rain has been falling on me like knives ever since the moment, I got off the yellow bus.’

‘A thunderbolt clattered, more resonant than anything ever heard previously.’

‘All the rain is matting my long brown hair on me as it lies on my backside longer than most girls. Yet I am okay with that at last, I am free.’

(I have freedom)

‘To a point! I still feel so trapped by all of them.’

‘Ten or twenty minutes have now passed; I am still in the same very spot. Just letting water follow me down. I am drenched!’

‘I can feel the wetness as it lingers in my hair for a while, so unforgivably soaking my body even more as if sinking within me washing me clean.’

’Counting my sanctions, I feel satisfied in a way when I do feel it dropping offends my hair, as if ‘God’ is still in control of my life, even if I was sent to and damned to hell.′

‘Like it is wiping away everything that happened to me today, away from the day of the past too.’

‘The wetness is still running down the small of my back thirty minutes must have passed, and it is like my mind is off.’

‘Currently, it follows the center point on my back. Then down in-between my petite butt cheeks. Water and bloodstream off my butt to the ground near the heels of my feet. I can feel as if that part of me is washed clean from the day that I had to go through.’

‘Some of this shower is cascading off my little face, and it slowly collects on my little boobs, where it beads up and separates into two different watercourses down to my belly button.’

’I estimate this, as it goes all the way down the front of me. It trickles down on me, to where it turns the color of light pink off my ‘Girly Parts.’ As they would never be the same.′

‘Almost like a waterfall gushing in-between my legs at this moment currently. Kissing, loving, and creasing me like, as my mud-covered toes, as I sink them in the dirt. My legs are so weakly holding me upright, after standing so long.’

’The pounding rains get more powerful. Making me fall to the ground with a soft thud, now covered by the clay. Where I will remain until I feel that I can get up and over what has transpired from the day of hell I had and what has happened to me. That is if I can, like if I can accept this all, as I look down at myself. The dropping rain is weeping for me, like ‘God’s tears, even after this I still believe in.’

‘The pain triples within me also like the thoughts all at the same time, I start rolling around, like a pig in mud. I have the sensation like I have been ripped in two parts in my centered hips and vagina.’

‘However, it is like it is all pounding down on me at once. I look, up to the sky, lying on my backside. It jostles me, the thought of what it is that I want to do… with myself to escape.’

‘Even with all this rain. I feel that my vagina will surely never feel the same, or like it is clean again. It is all because of them!’

‘No!’ I scream.

‘The rainwater can only wash away somewhat of what they have done to me. Never all of it… never- ever! It cannot wash away all my fears that I have. They have sucked my bean above the hole! Tugged on the hood, until I thought they would bite it off me completely. That is why I am bleeding! Nevertheless, the school would not do anything about this, over I was the one that started it all; as the instigator.’

‘They rubbed and touched me in all the places, yet this one the most. They ripped my black hole wide open, with their hateful fingernails and slashing teeth.’

‘I cannot run away from them. They always find me! Always, I have nowhere to run or to hide!’

’I cannot stop them from fingering, stabbing, and sucking on me! My nipples are raw! They beat me up for enjoyment. Pledging with ‘God’ saying this must stop. Yet it goes on every school day.′

’I must get away from them. I need to get away! (‘I just need to okay!‘) It is like these visions of what my life’s existence about comes and goes away from me.’ I see my life before I live it out in its entirety.′

‘Sometimes, it’s like I am black, I am not biased, bigoted, discriminatory, prejudiced, antiblack, and racialist, let us get that clear; yet this is the category, I was placed in, as a girl owned by man, that think I should never do anything more than be something like a worker in a field, as a slave to pay back my debts to be who I am to them in their hate.’

‘The air that is around me now, is making my slit labia skin hurt with burn and sting. Burning hotter than a flame, before snuffed out! I know how a candle feels, struggling not to be blown out by the rushing air, or being snuffed out.’

‘It’s like they have a new addiction and that is the hole in my body that makes me a lady.’

‘Just if you are wondering, I put my teddy in my backpack right after getting off the bus, after getting hazed by having him. he is incredibly significant to me.’

’I walk over to my bookbag, and see him down in their look at me, and find my one pink notebook. I open it to that one page I penned, the one that I have dogeared. ‘There it is!’ I say as I rip it out, it recollects the day.′

‘The paper is jagged and wet, but I have an adieu note in my hand. I made it earlier in school, at lunch, when I was sitting alone; on this wrinkled up pink notebook paper. The black ink is running like a watercolor all over all my trembling, quivering, shivering, and childlike penmanship handwriting. All it has on it are all words that need to be said, about my existence in life, not living! Decidedly not.’

‘They’re all there the notes the things, places, events, and even smalls, maybe spelled incorrectly, but there regardless, all have gone in this book of life I call- Sh-h as if making the most long-spun book in the world, with all my pages, are thick; all pasted, shoved and slammed together, furthermore mismatched, yet all has been said, in my enchanting written long run-ons of memories, the way I fancy to remember.’

‘I believe that like I am existing, not living! I have that down, as the first line of this page; next to all the doodles.’

‘It is as if I have all these flashbacks, to the point it haunts me. Even at the strangest times, my mind drifts off, to dreamlike places.’

″It is all because of them!′ I thought to myself, as I saw the note, and read it back to myself under my breath.′

‘I have every right to be annoyed, feel disturbed, and scared. Why not record everything in a story, and hope not to sound too crazy, yet a little is okay.’

’Look at me! Now and close your eyes tightly. My mind is like- ‘Yes, no, maybe…’ and what do you believe, and think? Yes, I have contradicted myself I care too much what you think of me as if damaged, by words, and wicked hands.′

‘Now can you see me?’ I believe, like, I can still see all of them, in the past and now, and even you are judging me now.′

‘I was never more like some of you: popular, accessible, attractive, and stylish and loved. Oppositely maybe you are like me, which fits into everything that category is- or oppositely is not.’

(I scream)

‘Do you see my teardrops, that splash out of my blue eyes? Do you see everything I do? Do you see my brown hair that covers them and hides my true emotions in class? Do you even care? Do you feel what I felt right now? Can you feel my hurting insides? Nope, no one can feel that unless they exist!’

‘Have you ever had to feel just like I do? Can you see my makeup mixing with my teardrops, as it all falls to the ground like my emotions, passions, and caring? If not you are just as heartless as them!’

‘No one is born condemning another soul because of the sensuality of or skin or their background or their faith, everything in my life is like trickling down my body, and away from me in every way imaginable.’

’As a result, the only thing I can do is get up and raise my hands to the heavens in the rain. While shouting the question- ‘Why did you let this happen to me?’

’I hear that small voice in my head again it’s a small whisper saying: ’End it! End it! As I was looking into the glow of the light of the envisioned angel of death.″

‘I have nothing but my split thoughts rushing in my head. Like a screaming bolt of lightning cracking in the sky above me.’

″Hum, should I just end it all?′ I mean I am only fourteen years old. Though there is not one person around here for me. Not one who is going to miss me at all.′

‘I proceeded to that gloomy conclusion a long time ago. I would not be remembered. Would anyone remember me? Would anyone care? I should end it all right now?’

‘I reminisce about me clutching my uniform, and how I would achieve my departure. The same awful uniform that I tugged, unsnapped, and ripped off myself, an hour ago, I see it over there like it is staring me down with a glint of evil.’

‘Calling out as it is lying in the mud. I crawl over on my hands and knees, grabbing my minor skirt away from the button-down top, pulling the tie out of the collar. To do what must be fulfilled obeyed.’

‘Holding the tie in my small hands. I pause and glance at my fingernails, which are painted lime green with pink straps, knowing this would be the last time I will.’

″Curse them all!′ I say will make the undone dark blue tie into a noose, looping, twisting, and coiling it through itself making it snugger around my neck.′

‘Notwithstanding that pain is nothing like what they put me through. Just like chivalry is dead, just like everything I do is felonies attached, by trying to live.’

‘Notwithstanding that pain is nothing like what they put me through. Just like chivalry is dead, just like everything I do is felonies attached, by trying to live.’

’Nevertheless, if I was truly blessed by the holy water, from ‘God,’ then I am taking all the excrements that are in ‘God’ flush, with this rain shower as of this moment; as if it is only dumping on me.′

‘At most inconsiderable with aforementioned, it’s accomplished and finished speedy.’

‘Forgetting, I also remember regarding that last fall, that I would relish my legacy, never thinking it would be my writing that would stand the test of time.’

‘I have the belt and the tie around my collar attached to the angel oak tree, next to the swing the rope from the childhood swing.’

‘Now with my eye one twitching, I hang above the girl by three feet. Death has found me.’

″Oh yes!′ Ha, it would be my peace, tranquility at last, yet still, I did not know where I was going.′

‘Certainly, I don’t desire to hang myself, but at the same time, I did, the angel was right, after all, she knew me, and I loved her more than life, yes a girl.’

‘The voices in my head are going away and the light is more vibrant.’

‘I did not have a choice at duration, as if someone were thinking for me? Oh assuredly, I dangle!’

‘The drawing of the monarch butterfly, the pointed star, the hand over my face, and my one blue eye in the tri, now litter the ground in my notes and drawings.’

‘Yes, the ultra-freedom of tree branches above me, the hinging of the foliage, the sun cascading until night, to the shooting stars to the following daybreak.’

‘This ancient tree is next to the rundown house, next to the tracks! The home of loneliness and it feels as empty inside as I did, yet it is not empty at all.’

Exceptional, I look here the next day when I am found, some asked ‘why?’ And with ‘she’s too young.’

’Yet, it was good riddance in mocking me with a stigma, ’to have one less retard with disabilities on the streets, that we someday must pay for with tax money that would molest our children, or creep on them, like a stocker, over not knowing better.″

‘Nothing lost,’ said the town, looking at me, along with ‘just an unwanted expense, and waste of life and time; she was doing nothing but taking away from some child that wants to learn in their education.’

‘All she wanted to be more attention, the sick freak.’

‘I wanted to show them what hate looks like! And this is it, I did this mainly so that everyone from my school of hell, and ass hole of a town can see me up here in the tree naked and hanging I got the idea from them.’

″Dope out and kill yourself.′ Their true words, not mine.′

‘That way everyone, even here would be able to see me, with their own eyes.’

‘One grave would not change a society’s mentality of mind; I would be another left behind.’ Furthermore, like an art piece, they can see the wounds that they did to me; if they did not care the outside world would be out of this three-mile radius, from where I am at.′

Realized all the gashes, which they gave me over time, and the ones, I give myself because of them. They all can look at me like this just art, and see it all, just like this, I see it every day when I look at my reflection anyway. They all can think- about what they have done to me.′

‘However, I do not think they would care, and they did not. Yet the world that would be another story, if they did see me hanging there bare, lifeless, and limp; this story would not have been said as a teen voice of hope.’

‘I thought at that point, that I dyed at fourteen as a virgin, said, I know, yet that may not be true. When I was sure, by the girls bragging to me always, they were solely made women around and near the time they all turned the age of twelve.’

‘As a girl, you are letting out part of your body to a boy, and most young men don’t get this, and trusting them of letting you start the gift of life.’

‘Remember you do not need to get pregnant at any age, you girls have contraceptives, as they did.’

‘You must lie there spread, to make a baby; even I know that. Yet that is why we have a marriage, before getting it on, a commitment of you being your daddy possession still virgin with his name until you now have given to a man for 25 dollars to only now be taking your new loves last name and his hard loving, as he claims you as his possession, yet he should keep you for all that understanding.’

‘They have no emotions for me in their pea-brained minds, to feel anything. I ask- can you grasp me like a hug; can you feel me, as I feel now? Can you get the impression of me hanging there, all by myself, have you been there? I am so lonesome and afraid!’

‘I wanted to be like them, to be plagued pretty and guilty in the ah of such surrender.’

‘You know, I do feel as if I would be better off being dead! Don’t you think so too? I know you do. How did I let things get so out of hand? Or did I? Is this all meant to be? Really… I do not know?’

‘I just do not know what to believe anymore. I swung through the air and plunged as I jumped off the branch. I arranged it right!’

‘Simply, like I planned this, as it was said. One way or another, I never come to my senses. I never got loose from the noose, on my tree next to my child-like swing. I know that I was dead and everything, yet something happened to me like the day rewound, to that moment, of the big fall, of me falling. Yet this time, I slipped out of the tie, and fall hard to the ground below, as if I were, I was still yet not alive the day of the attempted suicide.’

‘That is when, I walked into the home as if I would have like any other day, with my head down, going to take a bath and get ready for supper, with guardian Hope. Plus went up to the steps up to my room dripping wet my braindead mind puzzled.’

‘My sweet brown shaggy teddy bear was the only thing I grabbed covering my body from dinner, then I went into my room. My pink nighty top on my bed from the night before. Truly, I did not care about my nakedness anymore; , I am wild, continuous, unbroken, and untamed.’

‘Moderate retardation books,’ said Hope when she picked them up under her breath, showing them back into the unzipped backpack.

‘I feel so weird, like never; I sat stark naked in my bed soaking wet, rocking hoping for nightfall to come. to see if the next day I would have to go to school.’

‘How? I do not know. Just like fast-forwarding it will only dawn another day. That is going to repeat all the hell ones more, I am just sure of that.’

’Previously this is my question, I asked myself, as I am laying in my bed holding onto my teddy bear far too tightly. ’Is it me who is the problem, or the ones that are all around me?″

I answer myself- ‘I know that there is not one person on this planet, who genuinely cares if I am even here or not.’ Oh, ‘God’ - ‘Why does my life have to be like this?’

‘I do not think I can take any more of living in this town or going to this school!’

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