Betrayal does not only break hearts but darkens your soul. You will never forget the pain like a fog that forever lingers in the depths of your mind-Unknown
My finger rubs over the words on the page.
My sight blurring as I read them. my mind trapped in an endless loop seeing those exact words on repeat.
Betrayal does darken the soul; she's cunning. Only appearing to those who fall prey to ignorance, and I fell prey.
"Are you ready to talk, Aithne?"
"Please leave," I Ignored her question. She could take her questions and go straight to hell.
".....No." Her eyes widened as they became glossy. "I'm sorry, Aithne, but no."
"I have nothing to say to you."
"There must be something," she pleaded. "Be angry at me, shout or scream, say you hate me even, please, anything but this."
I remained quiet and tucked my blanket under my feet as a draft traveled through the room. I turned to the next page, my mind now interested in what this new page had to say. Oh, my lip twitched—a selfish heart will only bargain with those it cannot sway.
"What's so funny," she asked, her voice hopeful.
Hmph, how cute. She thought I was caving. I smiled as my eyes remained on the words on the page.
"A selfish heart will only bargain with those it cannot sway."
And oh god, did it feel good to watch her open and close her mouth like a fish out of water. Embarrassment and guilt were prevalent in her features. I never thought I would relish seeing someone's guilt, let alone my mother's, but here we are.
I could almost feel the heat from her cheeks as a wave of emotions flickered through her. I knew better. I knew better than to trust anything from her. Her action showed me she was the snake in the garden waiting to strike.
"Amanda," I said, my patience thinning, "leave. I won't tell you again."
I was tired of her being in my bubble, "my safe space," but of course, instead of leaving, she chose to become hysterical. Tears fell hard and fast as her breath stuttered. "I am your mother."
I looked at her, and I looked long and hard into her eyes so that she could see the emotions on my face.
So she could see the raw hatred I had for her.
"My mother is dead."
"She died the day she chose opinions over my life."
"That's not true, Aithne."
"And what exactly is this?" I asked, showing her my arm. "Did you or did you not do this?"
"'That is a gift!" She said, trying to stay calm but failing. "You should be grateful!"
"Grateful? I should be grateful?"
"Please, Aithne, I-"
I lost it. "I should be grateful for possibly dying?
She flinched at my words, but then determination filled hers, "The elders said you would make it, and I believe them."
She tried to move closer, but I hurried back onto the bed. She was too far-struck up the elder's ass to see the danger she put me in.
I was most likely to die because of her actions. She sealed my fate, and I would never forgive her for it.
"I don't care. I don't," I collapsed on the bed and started sobbing. "I am asking you one final time, leave."
She stood there for a while before she clasped her hand over her mouth, trying to minimize her sobbing as she watched me cave in defeat, tears running down her face as she turned and walked out of the room.
I slumped in relief when she did. She was gone, and I was alone. Alone to finally let it all out, and I did. I screamed, shouted, yelled, and sobbed. I did this for hours til the sun started to set. Then, finally, I let it all out. It was all I could do while my life turned upside down.
The worst part was that it wasn't just my mom who felt the way she did. Who didn't see it as sealing my fate to the gods but as a gift. It was everyone. My dad, my brother, my grams, everyone.
They took my choice from me. They took my chance of living for me away. All I've ever done is live for others, always putting them first. When I got the opportunity to be free, they took that away. It must've been the goal all along. To keep me trapped forever.
A knock sounded on the door before some walked in. "Aithne, are you ready to talk now."
Dear god, why couldn't I be left alone? "I have nothing to say."
"Well, I'm sorry, but that's not good enough......your visitor wants an answer."
I sat up. Who was here? My gut twisted in dread when I saw who walked in behind her. "Darius," I whispered, "Why are you here?"
Darius walked further into the room before stopping at the foot of my bed. He stared intensely at me as he gripped the footboard. "The elders are....concerned. We all are with the way you're acting."
I raised a brow. What a load of bullshit. "And just how I am acting, Darius?"
"With no control. The full moon is nearing, and you're whining and screaming because life is too hard. It has them worried." He sneered, curling his upper lip. "I've come to ease them and have a "talk" with you."
"Amanda, Leave" I found myself saying, not breaking eye contact with Darius as I gave the order. "Now." This was about to get ugly, and it wasn't her business to see it.
She was out the door within seconds. Smart girl. "Okay, Darius," I got off the bed and stood to full height. "Go ahead, let's talk."
The tension in the room grew thick after that. It became suffocating. Darius threw his head back and laughed before adjusting his coat, rolling his neck and shoulders. "Now, Aithne, you know better. I am not your mother."
Not the least bit intimidated by his statement, I responded just as cruelly, "And you know better than to invade an Alpha space uninvited." But that was the wrong thing to say. Before I could blink, Darius had me up against the wall, my feet dangling slightly to the floor. He leaned down and snarled, "You are no Alpha."
"Yet," I growled back. "Come the full moon. We will be equals."
But my bravery came crashing down at his following words. "If you make it." His grip on my neck tightened, "like you've been bitching about, you must survive the transition first."
I pursed my lips together. The actual fuck of this man, but he was right.
Darius smiled wickedly at my silence. "Nothing left to say, Aithne? Cat got your tongue? You see, your mother has been keeping the elders updated on your little tantrum about being bitten, about how you're whining about dying."
"you're just like everyone else, so knee-deep in belief that I'm going to survive, so take your unwanted insults elsewhere and let go of me!" I scream. I fought against his hold, using my hands to pry him off, but I was still human I couldn't quite match his strength yet. And I paid the price because of it. Fixing his grip on my neck once more, Darius pulls me towards him before slamming me back against the wall.
Black dots filled my vision, but before I could fully regain my strength and recover, Darius had one final message, "Listen and listen good, Aithne. You will accept your role in this pack. The goddess chooses you for a reason. I will not doubt that. But our pack will not fall because of your silly hope of remaining human."
I gasped for air when Darius released me. He squatted down to look at me as I fought for air. "The moment your mother bit you was when your life was no longer just yours. You will do your duty to the pack Aithne." He grabbed my face forcing me to look at him, "Even if I have to make you."
He roughly let go of my face and walked away. I hated that man, him, and the elders. They were all stuck in their ways, damning everyone to hell to get what they wanted.
Tears fought to escape my eyes. "I will not cry again." I had cried enough. I will not give them the satisfaction of seeing me weak again.
Darius's talk told me enough. Any means were necessary to ensure I did my part, even if it was by force. I looked down at my arm—sadness brewing in my chest. The change was inevitable; I would change, but the question was would I be able to survive? I mean, everyone seems to think so. I pulled my injured arm to my chest, cradling it while I rocked and forth.
As much as I worried, some part of me also believed them. It scared me. Whether I survived or died, I would never leave. But if I survived, I would be burdened with a role I didn't ask for.....
It wasn't fair. Why was it me? This wasn't the life I wanted for myself. But could I even fight back and choose the life I wanted? Could I even try?
Only time would tell...... but first, I had to survive.
And only then would I cause chaos to reign.
Because if I can't get what I want, no one can.