Stargazer

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Chapter 5-Estelle

Maybe I didn't know what I was thinking.

Or maybe I did it subconsciously...I must have, because the me that I know would have stayed away from this song idea at all costs.

I hate writing about my inner thoughts and emotions for an audience, mainly because it puts me on display with the possibility of being eaten up like a piece of meat by criticism and hard judgement. But, deep down, I knew that there was no way I could get away with writing about a topic I could separate myself from. The entertainment council had told me that upon reviewing my music that there needed to be deeper rooted emotion and/or detailed storytelling within my music in order for it to be taken largely into account. None of my old songs would make the cut, so my old methods for songwriting needed to be thrown out of the window...and so did my idea of a comfort zone.

I thought back to what Nova had said before she left me to my work.

"People have to do things that they are scared of more often than you may think. Heck, being a government official scares the living daylights out of me, but it is something that I have to do if I want to make my father proud. It's life, and, unfortunately, the goals we want so badly to reach come with difficult-to-face obstacles along the way. It's up to you whether you want to try the same tactic over and over to get around it OR to take a risk with a better possibility of overcoming it. I know you have it in you, 'Stell, but the only one who can find it and harness it is you."

I honestly couldn't have put it better myself. Nova tended to have a way of putting things so plainly that I just couldn't help but listen to her logic and follow up on it...even when it would be a risky, difficult thing for me to do. I guess I had finally come to terms with the fact that, if I wanted to make this large transition into the next chapter of my life, I would have to make a large transition in the structure of my songwriting.

No matter how I came to the concluded idea in my head, now was the time to put it down on paper in the form of a steady metaphor. As soon as I saw the stars and the brief description of them in Nova's astronomy book, I knew that I wanted to write about them. They were perfect for creating a metaphor on emotion; in my case, I had decided to write about unconditional love, something that everyone could relate to. Stars are very mystical, just like love. They light up the void of space, just as love can fill an empty gap in someone's heart. Stars also eventually go out, just as loved ones always pass on, but they are so far away that when they go out we may not see it for who knows how long. The same goes with loss of loved ones. Even after they are dead, we continue to be impacted by them everyday. I may not have known as much about what was out there, beyond Caldera, beyond the surface, but I knew about strong, emotional attachment to others, and I intended to impress my family, friends, and the entertainment council with my ability to go deep.

My only fear was that they would know who I was singing about, and I wasn't sure if any of them, including her, were going to take it well at all.

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