{{ contest.story_page_sticky_bar_text }} Be the first to recommend this story.
Get Free Copy

100 free copies left

This novel is limited to 100 free copies due to its part in Inkitt’s Novel Contest.

0
Free copies left
You can choose from our best books below
concubus would love your feedback! Got a few minutes to write a review?
Write a Review

My Cat F*cked Me Over Big Time

By concubus All Rights Reserved ©

Humor / Horror

Brambles The Asshole

It's funny what being on the internet does to you. How are you all doing? Have I got a story for you.

But yeah, funny what the internet does. I stopped being a skeptic on most things a while ago now. Ghosts? Believe in them now. Infectious mind-control mold? Yep. You tell me to stay out of the snow in Boston, I'll take your advice and go to Cali. There are so few things that I'm skeptical of now. So few. But of course, as you could all probably tell me already, it's the things that you're still skeptical of that get you.

So here's me, with my story.

I live in a smallish apartment with just my cat Brambles for company. I can't even remember when I got him, I think he just showed up one day and I kept feeding him. I've got a great job too, so when he wouldn't eat regular cat food, I started feeding him tuna from a can everyday. The nice shit, you know. Nothing but the best for Brambles.

I don't interact with other people much. I talk to co-workers, sure, but I'm an Aspie and the whole 'socializing' thing doesn't exactly come easy to me, you know. So I don't have many friends, and I never have people over. Part of it is because I don't have many friends, obviously, but I'm also kind of messy and there's been a persistent smell still hanging about from when Brambles first started living with me. He stank the first few days, but I guess eventually he put his weird cat tongue to work and it went away, at least on him. Still kind of smells near the couch.

So, there was no-one else around who could have told me that Brambles wasn't actually a cat.

My big thing that I was still skeptical of, at least until two days ago? Hypnotism. Thought it was total bullshit, no one could ever do that shit to me, or anyone else. I thought it was ridiculous, the whole concept. Mind control from ghosts, or demons, sure, but regular mundane humans? Nah. Course not.

And I made a total ass of myself for it too.

You see, two weeks ago, my Mom dropped by for a surprise visit. I haven't seen her in a year, because she lives a state away and works a busy schedule. So I go up to the door to greet her, and I hear Brambles start hissing behind me, and my Mom opens the door and just starts screaming. Screaming her lungs out, and I turn around, and it's just my fucking cat, you know? So I'm totally confused, and I keep saying, Mom, that's just my cat, that's just my cat Brambles, and she's calling the cops while I'm trying to explain it. And then she tells me to "Shut him in the bathroom, quick!"

So I do, and I say sorry to Brambles because it's not his fault my Mom's gone nuts, but when the police get to my place and look in the bathroom they come out and tell me I've got a guy wanted for murder from about a year ago in my bathroom, and that his name is Jonathan Cross. And I say, no, that's my cat, I've had him for a year but he's a cat, he's not a murderer.

The cops look at me like I'm crazy, of course. After a week of holding my cat in prison, they come back and tell me that he hypnotized me. And here's me, telling the cops that hypnotism is bullshit, but my Mom tells me to shut up and takes me to a hypnotist the next day. And it's been a few days, and the hypnotist tells me I'm all good now, and I'm still skeptical as fuck but I say thank you like a gentlemen, and Mom takes me down to the station so that we can 'know for sure'.

That was two days ago. Two days ago, I went down to the police station and I go down to the cell where they're holding Brambles, and in his place is this 6 foot tall lanky piece of shit with dreadlocks and bloodshot eyes and this creepy ass stare. I look at him and he bares his teeth at me and hisses. Like a cat. And he does that stupid thing they do in the movies, where they draw a line across their throat with their finger.

Anyway I'm thinking about it now, and I can't believe there was a murderer in my apartment. No wonder the fucker wouldn't eat cat food.

I've got a little problem though.

He's due for parole in ten years. Really, really hoping that the people who make that call aren't skeptics too. All he needs is eye contact.


Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, concubus
Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

Kashaf Azmat: The concept is excellent everything is well defined that you can picture the whole scenario which makes you feel connected to the plot and this is the thing that catches my eye and this what i am looking for in every novel.Keep it up

Jason Phang: I'm pretty new to Inkitt (this is only my 4th book) and I must say I've been thoroughly impressed by the quality of the authors here. Remnants of Chaos is an excellently written book that hooks the reader, and doesn't let go. There are some grammatical and typographical errors, but nothing too se...

alicialinglitter: The book was amazing! It was not exactly the cliche which is hard to find now a days but the unique plot just blew me away. Of course, there’s the cliche ending, but what’s a good book without one? Bravo

harry142018: This story was gripping and very professionally written. With lots of twists and slight of hand tricks, the author deceives the reader until finally showing their cards at the end. With several subplots all intertwining to create the main plot, this really is an interesting and engaging read.

Rebeccaseal: This was an almost perfect story that I would recommend to anyone. The only thing I would work on is painting a more realistic picture of Haiathiel. Somehow the environment seemed limited, and the land itself a bit unfinished. This can be solved simply by added descriptions to people and places. ...

NRF: I love this story, it has a little bit of everything in it, mystery, adventure, murder, innocence, love and a surprise twist that will leave you hungry for more! Great read! NRF

maewilde25: I liked this, though it dragged on for over 200pages and heaven knows I did not expect the plot twist in the middle. David being Cristiãn. I was wondering when he would show up and didn't know he was there all along. it looks like there should be a sequel, please let there be a sequel. I know the...

jaydenmatheny: it I absolutely amazing on if the best books I have personally read❤ I highly recommend this to anyone 13+ back to my point I love this book and there should definitely be a second I would most likely but this book if I ever saw it in a store

AASTHA SHARMA: really...one of the best novel i've ever read...a very touching story....really loved it...thanks for writing such a masterpeice...the struggle of the narrator but still remaining satisfied is the thing that i liked the most...another nice thing is the concept of talking with god...in short i wou...

More Recommendations

Jasmine Chow: As I read this story, I was reminded some what of Terry Pratchett, especially some descriptions of politics and economics. The sci-fic setting is quite intriguing. Writing style is quite lovely and grew on me slowly. I was also slightly reminded of Mark Twain, especially his book A Connecticut Ya...

Sabrina Ettey: The story plot is great. I loved it. Just the grammar punctuation and writing style was kind of distracting. But with the smooth polishing, it may shine like a pearl. :)

Deleted User: I loved this story. It was so great that I did not expect it to be this awesome. I swear to you this deserves more than just 5 stars. Beyond amazing. Kept me wanting more and I felt exactly like Emma felt while reading. Although in the beginning I did not expect anything to happen. Then, when som...

Alex Rushmer: I read the first chapter, and I'm not sure I can handle anymore, but I certainly liked what I read. The idea of the drug, Fortis, was very interesting, and I enjoyed how you conveyed its effects. The beginning is very intriguing. I think I'd like to see you do a little more with the main characte...

tinaasante871: when Max first got introduced to the story I was like#where the hell is sara#...lol... I loved every minute of reading this book... it was fantastic although I would have loved to read more about Sara and Allie's wedding.....Anyways I hope u have more of these books installed for us because you'v...

emilia handy: THIS BOOK WAS JUST SO AMAZING?!?!!??! I couldnt make myself stop reading it. it had such amazing characters and an amazing plot twist. i suggest everybody should read this that likes humor as well as romance.

About Us:

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered book publisher, offering an online community for talented authors and book lovers. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books you love the most based on crowd wisdom.