Get Free Copy

100 free copies left

This novel is limited to 100 free copies due to its part in Inkitt’s Novel Contest.

0
Free copy left
You can read our best books
concubus would love your feedback! Got a few minutes to write a review?
Write a Review

My Cat F*cked Me Over Big Time

By concubus All Rights Reserved ©

Humor / Horror

Brambles The Asshole

It's funny what being on the internet does to you. How are you all doing? Have I got a story for you.

But yeah, funny what the internet does. I stopped being a skeptic on most things a while ago now. Ghosts? Believe in them now. Infectious mind-control mold? Yep. You tell me to stay out of the snow in Boston, I'll take your advice and go to Cali. There are so few things that I'm skeptical of now. So few. But of course, as you could all probably tell me already, it's the things that you're still skeptical of that get you.

So here's me, with my story.

I live in a smallish apartment with just my cat Brambles for company. I can't even remember when I got him, I think he just showed up one day and I kept feeding him. I've got a great job too, so when he wouldn't eat regular cat food, I started feeding him tuna from a can everyday. The nice shit, you know. Nothing but the best for Brambles.

I don't interact with other people much. I talk to co-workers, sure, but I'm an Aspie and the whole 'socializing' thing doesn't exactly come easy to me, you know. So I don't have many friends, and I never have people over. Part of it is because I don't have many friends, obviously, but I'm also kind of messy and there's been a persistent smell still hanging about from when Brambles first started living with me. He stank the first few days, but I guess eventually he put his weird cat tongue to work and it went away, at least on him. Still kind of smells near the couch.

So, there was no-one else around who could have told me that Brambles wasn't actually a cat.

My big thing that I was still skeptical of, at least until two days ago? Hypnotism. Thought it was total bullshit, no one could ever do that shit to me, or anyone else. I thought it was ridiculous, the whole concept. Mind control from ghosts, or demons, sure, but regular mundane humans? Nah. Course not.

And I made a total ass of myself for it too.

You see, two weeks ago, my Mom dropped by for a surprise visit. I haven't seen her in a year, because she lives a state away and works a busy schedule. So I go up to the door to greet her, and I hear Brambles start hissing behind me, and my Mom opens the door and just starts screaming. Screaming her lungs out, and I turn around, and it's just my fucking cat, you know? So I'm totally confused, and I keep saying, Mom, that's just my cat, that's just my cat Brambles, and she's calling the cops while I'm trying to explain it. And then she tells me to "Shut him in the bathroom, quick!"

So I do, and I say sorry to Brambles because it's not his fault my Mom's gone nuts, but when the police get to my place and look in the bathroom they come out and tell me I've got a guy wanted for murder from about a year ago in my bathroom, and that his name is Jonathan Cross. And I say, no, that's my cat, I've had him for a year but he's a cat, he's not a murderer.

The cops look at me like I'm crazy, of course. After a week of holding my cat in prison, they come back and tell me that he hypnotized me. And here's me, telling the cops that hypnotism is bullshit, but my Mom tells me to shut up and takes me to a hypnotist the next day. And it's been a few days, and the hypnotist tells me I'm all good now, and I'm still skeptical as fuck but I say thank you like a gentlemen, and Mom takes me down to the station so that we can 'know for sure'.

That was two days ago. Two days ago, I went down to the police station and I go down to the cell where they're holding Brambles, and in his place is this 6 foot tall lanky piece of shit with dreadlocks and bloodshot eyes and this creepy ass stare. I look at him and he bares his teeth at me and hisses. Like a cat. And he does that stupid thing they do in the movies, where they draw a line across their throat with their finger.

Anyway I'm thinking about it now, and I can't believe there was a murderer in my apartment. No wonder the fucker wouldn't eat cat food.

I've got a little problem though.

He's due for parole in ten years. Really, really hoping that the people who make that call aren't skeptics too. All he needs is eye contact.


Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, concubus
Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

Alex Rushmer: I just want to say that the writing in this is amazing! I read the first couple chapters and was absolutely drawn in by it, The way you use first person in this story is extremely engaging and does wonders with your character development. I immediately had a picture of the characters and plotline...

Brie Lundy: I have never read a story like this before. It was riveting. It kept me captive. Once I started it I couldn't stop until it was finished. 10/10. I need more of this book. They need to find the Wizard!!

CurlyRed: I read this entire book in just under 4 hours I COULD NOT PUT IT DOWN! i found myself emotionally attached to the characters and making personal connections that i had never experienced before while reading a book! I was constantly wanting to read more, every chapter left me on a cliff hanger tha...

C J Lawson: Nicely done. Good story with good characters, as well. I was very entertained by the story line, from beginning to end. I would definitely read more of this author's work.

Tony Lee: Great ideas. Some mistakes here and there, but not too much to break the immersion :) This was my second book here, and I'm pretty satisfied! Well I can't think of anything else to write so I'm just gonna fill the space up with random words. Magazine holder sidney sheldon first bible shack tom ha...

Beloved Q Medina: At first I figured it was another genre fiction book and didn't have any expectations, but by the first few chapters I found myself engrossed in Sid's journey. Some say that genre fiction is predictable, or not as substantial as literary fiction, but this novel was anything but that. I found myse...

Deleted User: This is a very clever story in the style of 19th century (and turn of the century) Gothic writing, very reminiscent of Stevenson's The Body Snatchers or even of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (less so of Frankenstein itself, since the author is more minimalist than Shelley's florid, Romantic rhetoric). ...

dragonswilleise: I loved this book, it was nearly impossible to put down from start to finish. It was fast passed without being overwhelming and slowed down where needed. Overall this was an amazing novel that I will definitely recommend to others.

Kiz16: After a truly shocking start to the story, I found the style and content slowed down as the author introduced a varied group of characters who I thought were fleshed out very well. After a slow couple of chapters, I found this story difficult to leave with the tension growing within the house. Yo...

More Recommendations

Jaslyn: I loved reading this so much!! The transformation of Nina's self-esteem was incredible to read, and while I was rooting for Parker halfway through, I was very satisfied when Harrison and Nina finally got everything straight. The side characters were adorable - I especially loved Anna, Richel, Mic...

Bradley Darewood: I really really really liked this. I just voted for you!The voice is flawless-- I can't write men as well as you do and I have a penis. Maybe I'm narcissistic but I particularly enjoyed the moment where he muses about how artists would do better in such a solitary job. But my favorite moment ...

JulieJeanette: I'm only on chapter nine, but so far I am loving this story!. I am on pins and needles hoping that they find good men in their lives by the end. I am American and so the British tone and lingo ('knickers,' 'sod it' ) of the book is very appealing. I had to find out how much '12 stone' was by goog...

This story wasn't for you ?
Look at our most viral stories!
King's Lament

FreakyPoet: "you made me laugh, made me cry, both are hard to do. I spent most of the night reading your story, captivated. This is why you get full stars from me. Thanks for the great story!"

The Cyneweard

Sara Joy Bailey: "Full of depth and life. The plot was thrilling. The author's style flows naturally and the reader can easily slip into the pages of the story. Very well done."

This story wasn't for you ?
Look at our most viral story!
Spectra

Ro-Ange Olson: "Loved it and couldn't put it down. I really hope there is a sequel. Well written and the plot really moves forward."