{{ contest.story_page_sticky_bar_text }} Be the first to recommend this story.
Get Free Copy

100 free copies left

This novel is limited to 100 free copies due to its part in Inkitt’s Novel Contest.

0
Free copy left
You can read our best books
risexile would love your feedback! Got a few minutes to write a review?
Write a Review

My Daughter is a Broken Woman

By risexile All Rights Reserved ©

Thriller / Horror

Nalene

Nalene was a perfectly healthy, hard-working and gentle person. She was always more empathetic than her two older brothers; the kind of person that would go out and buy coats and gloves for the homeless during winter. Somehow, despite my shitty past and god-awful personality, I'd managed to mold her into the person I'd always wanted to be.

But my baby is gone.

And I don't mean physically...I can still see her with my own two eyes, but she's just not there. Nalene was destroyed by simply being at the right place at the wrong time. It just goes to show how life is infinitely more terrifying than any old ghost story.

Life as Nalene knew it effectively ended November 19th, 2008. Before she lost her mind, the police managed to get her statement through her loud, desperate sobs. Along with the tapes collected from the crime scene, the police were able to piece together the trauma my girl experienced. My poor baby girl... I don't want to believe it was fate that made her class run late or cause the bus to break down, but after all these years I'm starting to wonder.

Nalene arrived at the station just after seven p.m. dressed in the dark-grey trench coat and brown boots I had gotten her for her birthday just three weeks prior. Nalene wore a black JanSport backpack filled with insanely overpriced textbooks that cause her back to ache, but ultimately made her feel "more weighted" to the ground. Despite all of her good qualities, Nalene was always paranoid; worried about what may be hiding around the next corner. She liked to be prepared for anything, but nobody could've prepared for that. I know how convoluted this may sound to some of you, but it's important. You need to know how she was. Or maybe I'm just trying to remind myself that she was better. Human.

The station wasn't too full at that time, with about thirty feet between each person on the platform. In her immediate vicinity was a large black man with a trimmed beard. He was wearing a beanie, a business suit and was situated to her left. To her right, a very old Korean woman was clutching her purse tightly, bundled up in knit everything. But then there was this guy, this white guy in his early twenties or so that was pacing back and forth behind her. When they showed me the tapes, I immediately felt uneasy upon spotting him. My eyes were glued to his back the entire time, waiting to find out exactly why my twenty-two year old was committed. They wanted, pleaded with me to just listen to the story, but I had to know what she saw. It was the only way I could truly understand her. Once the lawyer was called, the authorities complied, reluctantly pressing play after forcing me to sit down.

For the first two minutes nothing happened. Each person in the shot either check their phones, shifted their weight to the other foot, or leaned over to see if the train was coming. Everyone except the guy in the back. He was visibly shaking, quickening his pace as he walked from one end of the screen to the other. His lips began moving rapidly. He was speaking audibly enough for Nalene to notice and turn around. She took a wary step forward and asked him if he was okay (as secured from her statement). He nodded his head, shaking his hands in front of her as to say, "Don't worry, I'm fine." She pressed on until the blaring of the train's horn filled the air.

Nalene returned to her former position behind the yellow line and waited patiently for an express train to pass through the station. Behind her you could see him roughly hitting the sides of his head with his tightly balled-up fists. The train was fast approaching and so he jumped up and down on his toes; preparing, psyching himself up. He briefly leaned backwards before breaking into a sprint straight for the oncoming train. Nalene saw him and managed to grab his and tug as hard as she could. But she wasn't quick enough.

The sheer force of the train obliterating his body made her fall to the floor. Her and the woman on her right were completely covered in sticky, crimson blood. Had she noticed him even a split second earlier, she may have been able to save his life. The police say it was nearly impossible for his left side to stay as intact as it did. It was an almost perfect split down the middle of him. When Nalene fell to the floor, she brought him down with her, brain matter and intestines spilling out and pooling around her face.

It took her a moment to realize what happened. The old woman, Mi-Yun, went down due to a heart attack. But don't worry, she survived and is still kicking today. Victor the businessman, rushed to Nalene's aid, checking her for injuries and picking her up off the floor. Once she was standing she began to scream. Her face was contorted in agony, staring terrified at the bloody hand that was still clasped around hers.

She began flailing her arm around, trying to get it off her. However, all this did was spray more blood around, coating the off-white walls. It was at this point that I vomited on the commanding officer's shoes. I sat with my head between my knees, spitting the leftover bile from my mouth and attempting to control my breathing. My poor, poor baby.

Apparently, once in the ambulance Victor stayed by her side, holding her tightly while she screamed until they arrived at the hospital and were able to sedate her. He's the only one she'll talk to nowadays. He's the only one that is safe to be alone with her.

In the past six years she's been institutionalized, she's attacked ten orderlies and killed one of them. Poor bastard wasn't properly briefed on her case and was left to administer her antipsychotics alone. Once he touched her hand she lashed out violently, tearing her long nails into the flesh of his throat and ripping out anything she could get her tiny hands on before a security guard pinned her down and called for help. They threw her into solitary confinement where she proceeded to cover the walls in her bloody hand prints while she cried, "It was so easy!"

When they called me in to explain what happened, they showed me the live footage of her in the room. She was sitting cross-legged, facing away from the camera and rocking back-and-forth. After a minute or so of breathlessly watching her, she glanced over her shoulder, staring directly into the camera. It was then that I knew I had finally lost her. And as fucking terrible as it sounds, I wish that her murdering that man was the worst thing she did.

Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, risexile
Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

Rachel Mc Donald: This was an awesome book a real page turner couldn't put it down . The characters all had a good back story . I love these kind of books and would read it if you decided to write a follow up book . Excellent work

Ayesha Shaikh: I love the twists. 😆I like how the writer describes everyone's point of view and the character development. I'm gonna read all the books by this author (current and upcoming). She's one of my favorites now. The spelling mistakes are normal no big deal, the amazing plot makes up for it. Thank you ...

Erica Mifflin: is very very neat and is one of my favorite novel of all time I want more stories like this please write another one. I love it so much thank you for your stories it was like a good book to my heart and I want more stories like this

BFIrving: A first rate story and well crafted, the blend of horror and action worked very well indeed and had me turning page after page. When not actually reading it, I found myself thinking about it which is always a good sign.There are quite a few grammatical and spell-checker errors but nothing anothe...

cuzley: I enjoyed this read, the romance and the "who done it" worked well together, I would recommend this story to both romance and mystery readers .

matrixmark: I thought that the introduction to this was relly well written and structurally sound in its presentation.The introduction to the cabin in the woods was good too. To me, it felt like a Blair Witch of yesteryear, but the things which you added in about the mutilated boys were certainly something n...

Sanvi Pathak: I'm sooooo in love with this beautiful story, Everything was perfect. I loved it so much, kudos to you Charyse, you are an awesome writer :D

harry142018: This story was gripping and very professionally written. With lots of twists and slight of hand tricks, the author deceives the reader until finally showing their cards at the end. With several subplots all intertwining to create the main plot, this really is an interesting and engaging read.

Jason Phang: I'm pretty new to Inkitt (this is only my 4th book) and I must say I've been thoroughly impressed by the quality of the authors here. Remnants of Chaos is an excellently written book that hooks the reader, and doesn't let go. There are some grammatical and typographical errors, but nothing too se...

More Recommendations

taosgw74: If this is the authors first attempt at writing, I'm floored. I was engrossed in the plot from the get go.

Girl on Fire: Great story, line Alex!!!It really has a edge on it. It put me on edge with its thrill. Can't wait to read the rest.!!!

NRF: I love this story, it has a little bit of everything in it, mystery, adventure, murder, innocence, love and a surprise twist that will leave you hungry for more! Great read! NRF

Dee: It’s been two years since Lilly lost her best friend to a vicious random shooting. Now, after a prestigious university extends her an offer of study, she has the chance to start afresh and leave all her demons behind. But the last thing she expects is to meet Elliot. He's a criminal. She's hasn'...

About Us:

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered book publisher, offering an online community for talented authors and book lovers. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books you love the most based on crowd wisdom.