Now, it’s probably time to explain a few things about the world as it stands.
The planet has become unrecognisable in the 12 weeks since the Zombie RiZing. It was April 20th – International Zombie Day. Oh the irony.
It was just before dawn when the world changed forever. The dead, woken from their eternal slumber, rose from their graves, out for flesh. Society ceased to function in a single morning – school, work, sport, video games were all no more (well, maybe still a few video games) – all replaced by the need to survive.
It was not a need many people satisfied. Even in the panic and mayhem of that first morning before the world truly realised what it faced, there was nowhere to run, and most ended up infected like the animated corpses that dined on their flesh. It didn’t take long for zombie numbers to grow. And grow. And grow. We may never know how quickly things got out of control, but most survivors think by the end of the second day they were outnumbered.
By the end of the first week only pockets of human resistance remained. Interestingly, it appeared the adults were targeted first. Very few remained before the zombies turned their attention to the kids.
The thing about zombies (grunts)
Apart from the bad breath, unsociable biting habits and skin conditions that would make a pimple embarrassed, the most notable feature of a zombie is eyes that glow green or yellow. They’re unorganised too; they mostly amble aimlessly alone or in groups with other grunts – very much like teenagers in that regard.
The mostimportant thing to keep in mind is while the head survives they stay alive.
Grunts are slow, can be easily outrun, but can burst move for short distances (no more than a few steps). A healthy human should always be capable of outrunning one. The problem is not their pace – it’s their numbers
If you play music a grunt used to like when they were alive, they will stop chasing you and dance. So picking the right music is critical. If the zombies are really old, The Beatles are a good bet (have some Rolling Stones for back-up). Middle-aged zombies will often respond to Dire Straits or INXS, but if they have any visible tattoos you may look at playing some Metallica or AC/DC. It starts to get a little trickier to pick for those slightly younger zombies who enjoyed a great deal more music diversity when alive, but with a good eye for detail, a varied playlist on your iPod and a set of speakers – you have a great deal of power.
Interestingly, most male zombies will also dance to Spinning Around by Kylie Minogue, and you should get a better than 50% dance rate with Gangnam Style, but there are some awkward moments.
The point is, this method distracts them so much you could even put leis on them or dress them up, although this is not recommended.*
*Unless you’re a fashion designer and all of your models have been zombified.
*Or you’re bored, which happens a bit when you spend your time laying low waiting for the next zombie attack. That said a game of cards is more encouraged than dressing up zombies for your own amusement.
*It’s not as much fun though.