JulianGrand would love your feedback! Got a few minutes to write a review?
Write a Review

Me and My Friends Took the Lyndon B. Johnson Challenge and Now My Life is Ruined

By JulianGrand All Rights Reserved ©

Horror / Humor

Part One

You know that viral sensation on YouTube and Vine right now where you perform a ritual to summon former President of the United States Lyndon B. Johnson? Well please, for the love of all that his holy understand it is NOT A JOKE. Me and my friends Thurston and Thad tried it last night and it is some real shit. I wish I had never even HEARD of Lyndon B. Johnson now.

My two old college buddies Thurston and Thad happened to be in town last night, and we all got together in the hotel bar where Thad was staying and had a few drinks and talked about old times.

Our lives have turned out very differently (Thad works on Wall Street, Thurston is a prominent academic, and I'm a failed novelist who lives in a studio apartment over a liquor store) but the bonds of friendship were as tight as ever. I proposed a toast, "Here's to America...land of the free, as long as y'all are buying!"

We all ended up back in Thad's suite talking about how we all used to bond over an interest in the paranormal. It was Thurston who said, "Hey, have you guys ever done the LBJ challenge?"

"Thurston," I answered, "you babbling brook of bullshit, what in God's name are you talking about?"

He explained that, as everyone knows, Lyndon B Johnson had been the most ruthless, straight up evil man ever to be elected President of the United States. Even Richard M Nixon would piss his pants and make the sign of the cross when LBJ strutted into a room. Because LBJ was so ruthless an so ambitious, the Devil didn't want him hanging around hell in case he tried to launch a coup and take the joint over--the Devil's reasoning being that if the only gig you can get is ruling in hell you'd better hang onto it like grim death. So the Devil cursed LBJ to wander the earth as a spirit and, just to piss the old boy off, further stipulated that any time a certain ritual was performed LBJ HAD to appear.

I'm not even going to tell you what the ritual is. I don't want to be responsible on the off chance you haven't already heard about it through the Facebook or the Twitter. A bare bones sketch of it involves sitting around in a dark room drinking bourbon (check and check!), listening to America the Beautiful at a high volume, placing four pencils in the sign of the cross on top of a map of Southeast Asia, and somebody doing an impersonation of Bobby Kennedy doing "Your mama jokes" (which LBJ always took personally because he loved his mama and hated Bobby Kennedy).

So we did the ritual and we got squat. Bupkes. Nada. Zilch. Fuck it dudes, that was a waste of time. We still enjoyed the rest of the evening and Thad had the hotel's car service drop me off back home. It was cute seeing how nervous the driver got as we went through my neighborhood.

Anyway I staggered over to my couch and fell asleep, but I must have left the window open because I woke up a little later when a squirrel bit my ear. It was a gentle bite, like my cat used to do when she wanted me to get up to feed her, but it got my attention.

I sat straight up and stared at the squirrel who stared back at me, languidly chewing on a nut or whatever. So I said "Scram squirrel, I'm tired and drunk," but before I could lay back down the squirrel spoke unto me with a familiar Texas drawl.

"Son," the squirrel said, "prick up y'all's ears and listen to me good. You and your piss ant friends summoned me and now y'all are stuck with me. Feels mighty good to be back on the earth, even if I am trapped in the body of a varmint. From now on, I got me three lil white slaves and y'all are gonna do every last goddamm thing I tell you to and you're gonna thank me for the privilege. I got your pecker in my pocket, son. Await further instructions." Then the squirrel stared blankly at me for a minute and hopped off.

I tried to convince myself it had just been a dream but when I woke up I had 20 text messages from Thad and another 32 from Thurston. All of the messages were panicked, all were a variaton on "What the fuck did we get ourselves into?"


Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, JulianGrand
Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

alicecortez70: I love what I have read so far..👍❤️

Lynn Rampersad: Great story line

Brooke Weaver: Amazebalzzzzzz ...awesomesauce ...just wow i loved it 💖💖💖💖you are an awesome writer no matter what anyone else says...i enjoyed this book so much and i felt the emotions right alongside the characters ...just wow ...AMAZING..NEVER STOP WRITING

trinkrazo: The plot has holes and at times I felt as if I had stepped into a second book in the series or the middle of a book, but still it's a good short read. The premise is good and the plot has some holes. The storyline is good and has an easy flow. The grammar and spelling are good. The characters ...

peridotgrandma: Reading good but hope it ends good.

Courtie: What an Amazing book! I Couldn't stop reading😊 Already looking at your other books to read😊🙌Especially looking to see if there is one written about Dimitri!!!

Debby : I enjoyed every part of it. I love how the characters developed and were in touch with reality. Their future looks good together. Hope Sadie doesn't fall in love...with some other explorer.. Adventures are bound to happen when you travel round the globe.

Tracey Lowin: Loving this so much!

vaishnavi singh: Nice, intriguing plot

More Recommendations

uzitalker1: Lovely story. I couldn't stop reading until finished. The twist on the plot was amazing.👏 😍. However, it needs to be proof-read to correct the few minor grammatical errors.

Hope Petrie: It was good for a first book it’s not the best I’ve read but I loved the simplicity of it. it was something to enjoy to get away for a while.I will definitely be checking out the other books I hope there similar to this one.

Natalya Faith Lewis: Such an amazing story. Great story line had me wondering whats gunna happen. Thank you fpr asharing this story with us. I would deffenatly read it again. Keep up the good work

sallyhotty: The story is very addictive.congrats to the writer.good job Tallara hope so you have written other novels.i really enjoyed the flow of the story 💕💕💖💝💓💕💕

lailachupp04: THIS NEEDS TO BE PUBLISHED I MUST MUST MUST SHOW THIS BOOK TO EVERYONE I KNOW!!!!!!I WANT TO HAVE A COPY OF IT SO BAD!!! your book was amazing and so interesting especially describing Maggie's life it reminds me of my life

{{ contest.story_page_sticky_bar_text }} Be the first to recommend this story.

About Us:

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered book publisher, offering an online community for talented authors and book lovers. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books you love the most based on crowd wisdom.