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Do You Want to Hear a Story?

By TheMightyZan All Rights Reserved ©


Chapter 1

“Do you want to hear a story?”

The words woke her with a start.

She stared, wide eyed, into the darkness around her, her mind racing as the sound of blood rushing through her ears drowned out everything else for a few moments.

A whisper of movement to her side caused her to freeze, muscles bunching in terror, before a voice spoke again.

“I can tell you a story.”

The voice was whisper soft, and not quite… right. Her hair ruffled as putrid smelling breath washed over her ear, and she scrunched her eyes closed again.

A low, giggling laugh followed her actions and she jerked slightly as she felt a tongue run over the side of her face leaving globs of too cold spittle behind.

“Once there was a girl who thought she was safe. Thought nothing could ever hurt her. So she played with things she should have left alone.”

A nail scrapped over her arm, leaving a burning wound in its wake. She couldn’t help the whimper that escaped her, and the thing laughed again.

“So she played and I was called out, and do you know what I’m going to do to her?”

It shifted above her, and she could feel the oily slide of hair over her shoulders as it moved.

“I’m going to eat her up.”

“Please.” The word stuttered out of her, high pitched and barely recognizable. She hunched further into the bed and would have pulled her blankets over herself if she wasn’t afraid of brushing against the thing above her.

“Please?” It laughed again and leaned down for another lick, this time on her other cheek. “Open your eyes, girl. Look at me if you want to beg for your life.”

She was choking on the stench, and every muscle in her body screamed for her to stay perfectly still, to not open her eyes. But another part… Another part wondered if it might listen to begging, might let her go…

She opened her eyes.

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Shannon Rohrer: This is probably one of the most imaginative stories I've come across in a long time. You have hooking down to a fine art; every chapter has been as engaging as the one before it, the story unfurling in a way that is easy to follow and paced perfectly for each round of events or backstory. Lookin...

Sarah_M_G: This story was truly gripping from start to finish. The way the author used Scottish dialect throughout the novel really helped to put you in he in the place where it was all happening. Every character was well described and thought out. How they all fitted together really worked and loved how t...

Kat Paul: I know you mentioned thinking of making this into the introductory chapter of a longer story... What you have so far definitely intrigues me! My favorite bit is the twist about poor Bergen giving the creature the inspiration for its identity. What would interest me the most in the rest of the s...

Clarissa: Very atmospheric and descriptive language, with good character development. This is a complex and interesting story - definitely worth a read.

Alex Rushmer: I like the intrigue that you introduce from the very beginning of the story. The idea of the girl waking up in the alley with no memory of how she got there and with injuries is very interesting. It was very well done. There were a lot of grammatical errors that need to be fixed though. I think t...

Diane April: Really liked the concept of this story. The beginning had a great explanation about how things worked in the real world that people tend to overlook. It was a nice change from the usual zombie story that just makes things up as they go along and actual facts don't matter.

Frank Pilato: I wanted to be sure to comment on this, as I did not read the whole story through, but I am impressed with you.....very impressed. ......................................................................................................................................................................

Kastril Nomenclature: This is a very clever story in the style of 19th century (and turn of the century) Gothic writing, very reminiscent of Stevenson's The Body Snatchers or even of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (less so of Frankenstein itself, since the author is more minimalist than Shelley's florid, Romantic rhetoric). ...

Tobi Doyle MacBrayne: I was so impressed with this piece. The slow degradation of the main character into a dark and crazy place is beautifully written. I liked that the characters physical descriptions were not described because it gave me a sense that it could be someone I know or love. The grief that breaks the m...

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heich: Excellent story and excellent writing style. I hope in the future read your works.The story you present is innovative, fresh, different from everything else and let a feeling that you know you want to read more of it. I hope you continue moving in the same, because he's smart and only you know wh...

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