A girl called Emine steps onto the stable top and said to everyone who was listening.
“I am a good worker my family circumstances you all know if someone will marry me I will be a loyal servant.”
The simple statement touched someone and he asked certain questions and she answered simply again.
“Done where is your dad?”
“My circumstances you must know?”
“He is the squire so I must know why he dumped you?”
The passing of the crowd was dispersed and the moral courage of the girl was lost so she began to lie to her future husband.
“He a man who has disowned me.”
“Certainly I am a worthy worker that is why.”
He in haste married her and regretted it for the rest of his life.
The next day on his honeymoon he set out to work before he is lost. That they only had half a crown in their pocket to pay the rent due soon and she had to do a lot of saving the kitchen and mending and stitching and making the corn handy and the work was intensive because everything done by hand.
After thirty two years he buys her a red dress which she then wears and he finds out he does not like his wife he does not like her he hates her. All the years that they had been together she had worn a apron and a homespun dress and this had been her lot. She did not disobey she did not argue and then he buys her this well silk dress.
She wears this dress and many others to make the neighbourhood scream with envy and she is given to now going out. Because before she had no clothes to make her stay out and now she hardly in.
She is now pregnant with her second child and he and she are delighted except it is not his.
This is a simple story?
That they were so simple and basically like animals but nothing to do with jealous rage and the jealousies of the man who destroyed his own in order to make a point. That is one Husnu who did such a deed he destroyed his own in order to make a point and he did not even betray by a glint or a glimmer that he had to destroy his own to do so.
For standing up to him for the sake of her mother he threw his daughter to the wolves in which she did not thrive.
And this he did because he asked for a wife who was a woman and he got a bisexual woman.
So he did that to his own children threw them and had his illegitamate son mate with the daughter in unnatural copulation and gave the son the lands which he wanted.
But this faded blissful family is a warning for the likes of us all. This wanton acts and revengeful deeds do not make sense to me at all.
“Husnu how can you?”
Emin is the name of his mistaken wife and she is with him all the time yet he feels not for her as if she a woman is she a wife? A man with complete power yet powerless against her.
“He does not like me.”
“He does not want to understand me.”
“Woman cut your tongue.”
“Oh spitefulness and revenge what can a man or a woman do against this?”
“I did nothing wrong you gave me a dress that means being me and now you don’t like it.”
“Destiny that a woman has to marry because there is no other way.”
“My dearest woman contain yourself you speak about my mother she too had been a woman I shall give your babe to my sisters where they can mate with her all they wish..”
“No that is evil she is a baby.”
“Let go of my leg.”
“Look I will give you another child?”!
“We tried so many years.”
“That is because of the weed.”
“What in all my days I have not seen such a evil devil woman as you are.”
“Who taught you such tricks?”
“You knew mother was a washerwoman she did trade too.”
“My dear wife I know that but do you know I also know that himself is a squire and his lands might be yours?”
“I am no relation to his lusts.”
“He did not rape you your own father?”
“I ran away before he did.”
“You lie to me all the time it makes me sick your lies.”
“I am not lying to you.”
“Why did you run out on him?”
“Emin wife no more but my whore.”
“I divorce you and divorce you till time stands still.”
What does it mean if a woman is divorced? They stayed together as married couple and did things together her throat nearly cut. She left speechless and then her tongue slipped another time then her face disfigured.
“Broken doll mummy is a broken doll just like my doll is now.”
Great is a man. Grave errors do they commit and they commit adultery if their wives are fools. The gravity of what I am going to write will bring down a lot of people who are now relying on the greatness of our ancestors but there is nothing for it. There is nobody which it might directly affect there is no more done because it happened in the 18th century and now is the curse which falls and now we fear to tell in case it is a bad omen.
Look it is the fondness for it all the high society the waltz no more tell me no more I know what you all want there is the waltz there is the spring the dancing feet and there is now no more but ashes where the house stood.
“I am Satan tell me your secrets?”
“I am the devil I will never divulge them.”
Once there was this wail this primal screech and the scratching left over from the dead the dying pools of the pool. Institutes and institutions and what it matters is that they are what a marriage is about. That the whirl of the winds with their wanderlust went and there was the walnut and that meant just that an older husband who she no longer loved.
He hated her more and more as she was mutilated.
What do children become who see their parents doing this to one another?
Emin’s daughter growing with this burden and Emin’s daughter the darling the darling and always softly smiling and the mother and the dad back than so silent they did not speak at all? No because they counted their money they counted their money and made and made their business grow and forgot and forgot that they were humans.
Always counting his money delighted with it all. Delighted that she had been born now a bone of animosity between them because the daughter does not know how to behave and well she is an embarrassment to them all. The child the child the baby she took as her own and then it was sent to the spinster aunts to be nursed and made whatever of.
They were the proud owners of a post office and did well counted and were astute and did a lot of worthy work too. They knitted in between customers and did well when one sucked a sweet as this was a delicious luxury to do so. When the sucking stopped the one sucking would stop and offer the sweet to the other sister when they would smile that they could even share sweets together.
But the humans have something in common with the animals don’t they? Desires and more desires seeping into their neighbourhood.
The aging couple now grown so much more richer and their desires left on hold. Then they slide downhill as if on a halter roller coaster as if nothing of them would survive as if their energies burnt out.
That we can become the gossips cradle and it is not yet not yet it is over done there is not enough to say when Emin had the primitive urge and then she went and satiated it. But it was not her fault it was the fault of her husband who had no wit and did not please her and did not have the right body for her.
All the neighbours envied them their unhappiness their lot and they did not do anything but disdain their neighbourhood they could not move on for better things. Their dead and buried lay there their business was there.
“Our busiest times are here.”
The family did not move on there is so many Emin’s now and they carry the beauty the beauty which Emin must have had to be married. When she had been deflowered as the saying goes and this is in the 1880’s when that meant it would have been death to any women without her flower.
“My flower has gone.”
“Has yours gone too my dear?”
“My darling don’t look out of the window someone might catch your eye.”
“My precious wear these tough shirts so that you can become inconspicuous.”
“Hide they are coming.”
“Hide because you are alone.”
“Hide because this is where you belong.”
“Hide because this is why you are no longer alone and wish to be.”
“Hidden facts of life never stay in a situation which you are abused.”
“I had nowhere to go.”
“Rock bottom prices.”
“Nowhere to live.”
“Nobody respects me do you see they laugh behind my back calling me names.”
“What do they call you?”
He snarls and tries to hit her but there is the daughter just in front of him always there averting disaster.
“Why in front of me?” He stammers in his rage.
“I would have become a singer or gone down under.” Said his daughter.
“I am so much better than you.” She wanted to say.
“I am even worse off than when I had married.” He snarls some more powerless he knows he had done her wrong robbed her of herself but it was the inheritance he had to crawl back the land somehow and his son marrying that would do.
“Everyone knows what you done.”
“You can become the secret.”
“I can be that secretive.”
“Facts are never hidden.”
“Where is that child.”
“Where is Meseret I went and she had been gone.”
“Where is she?”
“I want to kill her.”
“Kill her dad my mother and you must go elsewhere.”
“Ruining your style are we bitch?” he adds, “I guess you think I can’t.”
“I guess you have no balls.”
“I will show you.”
Facts do not marry when you are with child.
“I loathed him after he did not give me a honeymoon.” Said her mother.
“I had to work.”
“Worthy work to feed my growing family.” Said Meseret.
“The child was not yours and you knew and you said it was okay.” He told his daughter off.
“That was before the wedding night when you showered me with experience.” Said his wife.
“Hate you.” They all shout at him.
“I hated you all before you ever did hate me.”
“Love does not grow where hated was before.”
“Hate grows and becomes this grovel this grovel becomes a servitude and then dismissal.”
“But he did not leave me.”
“He did not leave me until the day he died.”
“Yes he walked out with his suit and collapsed.”
“You have inherited typhoon as well as the rest.”
Husnu has died and nobody seems to have noticed all that happened was they lifted him from the street and he was boxed in.
“That bitch has just killed my kid what do you intend doing about it?”he asked the whole room.
“I want compensation.”
“I will give you compensation.”
“There is no compensation.”
“Life is about giving compensation to victims.”
“Who is the victim?”
“It is a tea drink is it not?”
“Don’t ask them about money then you won’t find an answer to anything at all.”
“How do you mean?”
“Money is equivalent to God.”
“Yes so beware don’t confuse them just gently ask simple questions like who did they marry and give birth to and why did they have so many troubles but do not mention money.”
“I will note it down do not mention money as it interferes with their intellectual understanding of the situation?”
That she had only tolerated but not now. He had become an institution to himself and kept his family very close indeed.
The whirl storms and the tearing down tears of the wailing wife who had been so battered she died. Emin down the drainage system Emin Emin you whore who have undone me with the whoring wife one is never still.
The night turns to day and the day turns into night with the husband at the gate waiting for intruders and the aids to appear how he was cuckold and unmanned before the time of day was born. I wish you were never born daughter; I wish it with all my heart then I can turn her into a reality show piece and make her the marksman.
The horrible things he said and not done and led others to do without a morsel of compassion as he did and they did I lost the power of screeching. Just this terrified old screw became fixed on the door stopper without a door stop.
“My dears life only let me have this and that is to hold you all, there is not much I can do about it now is there? Let it be husband?”
“Who me I left it a long time ago.”
“Protect your family?”
“No need I have placed them under the protection of their protectors and have left this amount of money to pay off the undertaker for my funeral expenses do you hear it lads?”
“No more I shan’t carry that 350 gold.”
“But you will.”
Emin this is me Emin this me the wife the wife the grandmother I am also the great grandmother who I am was. This is the wife now dead now no longer here. I was here but since passed away. This is my pain. I want to share it with you all my pain I want to show you my pain to make you feel what I have felt.
Emin this is me otherwise known as Emine the Emin used to be a boy’s name but then I became a girl from the boy because I was boyish and then became this submissive victim. I am now longer there here is my name blinded by fate to serve in a household no longer mine.
I gave birth then took the consequences.
My fairy child taken from me from birth there was nothing else to do but to try to marry a man so poor he would not wail for the lacking in virginity. But he never forgot this. He never at the wedding ceremony he all around me to know me then after the night of passion he left me to find work as he had a wife now to support.
But he did he did he hated me for bearing him the fruitless labours of his labour. That the dad was the real and I and we the unreal.
Incest like lead would come and gallop away the pride of our house and this nagging this nagging man would not stop.
“What where did he come in?”
What did he expect did he expect that I had lied to him? Why would I lie about sleeping with the squire? That I had his child. Why would I lie about such a thing as that? I not so small as all that. That the child had been still born and the squire had fled by then his passions spent. That me now without that which every men prizes and then this man comes along he is nicer than most and he out smarter than anything with his decency and sense and common touch. I was not asking for anything romantic.
I am no longer that stupid or young to be in need of romance and all that.
He in his middle thirties and me fifteen years old.
Is that not that odd?
I refused to be a washer woman for the squire like my mother so left the servitude in order to have my own home. But the man was not trustworthy as he seemed he did not treat me right he made me wear the same style clothes for the everlasting 33 years of our married life. Then he got me this glamorous outfit so delicious. I turned to envy of myself wanted to lift my spirits up to show some friend what I had to wear like everyone else.
No one was into all that as they all so busy occupied housewives with their crying babes and all that and the prattle of the news and the school children with their satchels all ready to cross out with their marks and do another mark. They did not see me or be into what I had been wearing and so led myself to the very house which seemed to care and crave my company. I thought if I had my own house he would not be able to rule but my husband is a fool and had nothing we had nothing we would starve if it was not for dad.
Husnu had grown vengeful and bitter and he did something’s so bad and he was banned and he did away with the male defending the weak. He just stood by and watched as I was mutilated and savaged. His wife nearly murdered and Husnu did not care did not lift a hand did not even say anything to voice concern. He did not want to do anything about the whole thing. Husnu thought it hilarious and he did just something he gave her more money to carry so that she could be murdered and mutilated all the better he felt for it.
Her terror filled nights as she carted the money are legends now the beastly thinking the trepidation as he insisted they go outside and about saying to all and sundry where they were going and when they would be back.
If nothing happened Emin would sigh a long sigh and step inside and just then someone would grab hold of her and she would struggle at first she had been stronger but as she grew weaker and weaker she did not could not defend herself.
Oddly he began to enjoy his life more as she grew weaker he grew more addled brained.
Emin said I thought that it was best to not to be so that my child could have a home. My baby he did not know about. We got wed because he and I were common and he did not care to be seen without. He was known as not that good with girls and women always laughed at him.
“For crying out loud why me?”
We got wed. On the night of the honeymoon he crashed into the living room and cried.
“What a wife what a wife?”
I was his wife. I had traded myself on the slave market what else did he think did he not know that no nice girl would do such a thing if she had had her virtue?
“But did not suspect did not expect such a thing it is beastly.” Said Husnu.
We began to work hard and did indeed have a fairly economical life with me doing the book keeping and the housekeeping and the all manner of this and the other. I would place a bit of dried food into a container and when times were hard cook the food and we would eat.
He gave all his money to make us richer than anyone else. He took risks. He did not want us to lose a cent.
I was away most of the day collecting rent from the many people whom my husband had lent money to on interest which had to be collected on the right day.
That is why I was called Emin instead of Emine because did not return empty handed.
So the things which made our marriage was that I was able and strong and able to withstand the many elements which a marriage has. He also became a merchant and did get away. Went to many foreign parts and did not make the lives of us any less romantic he a man led astray by greed for young girls.
One he caused to die in the most evil way. As God is my witness he had no shame in his eye but I knew I knew what he had done. And so I told no one but kept watch kept mum kept it outside the house the marriage. That he had murdered a poor innocent girl to make her give her virginity because he did not have mine was a sin a beastly act which cost us the very foundation of our sanity and wealth.
“You see he robbed a virgin of her virtue said he a Arab merchant and lured her outside the house where he raped her again and again and then sent her home.”
“The girl died ten years later of cancer.”
“Due to her breasts shrinking from what he did to her.”
“Where did he learn such bad habits from I have no idea.”
We never were wealthy again nor sane wealth without sanity is a what nothing-nothing at all.
It has nothing to do with now is it?
Our very stable life went and fled and there is nothing no interest from the banking clerk which says what to do with such a sin. To make a girl know that she has a husband in store in some strange clime and then to make believe with the world one is this much younger and then to place the girl into the whore house and have them all into her is a crime a crime a sin.
The girl came back she came back lamely and did not only belong in our community but her story set such shivers down and I felt revolted by the husband who only smiled and smiled such a smile as he only gloated and made fun of such a revolting thing we did not say anything he did not open with the point I had my suspicious he had nothing to say he did not even bother to deny it.
The girl said she had never seen his face and my elderly husband was the one who had saved her from fate worse than death. Her son was in there still she could not have left him to those monsters? But she had and did.
I had married at sixteen to this man of thirty odd summers and he did not think he had made a good marriage. I made him the best wife possible I gave him a child. My flesh and blood then we ruined it. We both had affairs.
I went after thirty three years of marriage to find the undertaker in order to order my coffin and slept with them. I was intoxicated by suffering and this did not help me when the wine flowed too. The undertakers baby on its way mattered to me so I disposed of the girl to deal with the situation. I sacrificed my own and only child’s would be marriage to avoid being killed. A scandal would have made us the centre of attention. My daughter lost everything because of me.
I gave birth to Meseret and Meseret destroyed us by being born. She was given up to the two aunties who gave her a good start in life I supposed. I could not concentrate on her as my life had fallen apart.
My amiably disposed husband had become mad and set the town against me. Rumours vilified us my daughter as well. The small friendly disposed town which had been home for the best of my life suddenly turned into a cesspit of abuse and neighbours chanting behind my back and all that. I had to fight constantly in order to avoid the shit and the stones on my head.
I had nowhere else to go.
“Look what you have done they call me now the grandfather just like a grandfather clock.”
And he struck me against that clock.
In the end I went silently and did not even scream when Gold my older daughter had a child and Husnu the husband went further mad. She has now ruined herself and all because of you. The husband ruined her by refusing to pay for the rent.
I went and told her my daughter his terms and conditions and she married the engineer because the farmers were looking at her behind as she was an elegant thing.
“She will become a whore is that what you want from your own daughter?”
My Gold’s first man just faded out he did not belong to her to me or to anyone else. The undertaker took him out with his suit and he went to Turkey and became a film legend. The thing was he became a gay lad. No he quite normal then but when my witch got pregnant she got a bit fat and he just had a heart attack his nerves could not bear it.
He run for it and leapt onto the only ferry going to Turkey. He they said was seen but unhappily we had just buried a huge stone in the coffin and there it was the end of it all.
Then the engineer trying all the time to have many children in order to make his marriage work. As if that would consol us for what we lost the father the family the dearly beloved husband who now a monster.
“Look engineer,” said my beloved Gold, “I don’t want you at all you are my half brother.”
“Oh that is ok.”
Bedtime lost its stories and there was nothing left at all he went outside to while away his passions. And he said the moment I did the same I would die not in bed neither. Gold my daughter too being raped every night by that slob of a engineer whom she distastes more than any other male.
Then she has eight children by this man all dead by the time they turn two and a half.
“It is because when they smiled somehow I knew they were going to die.” And this brought a chill to my heart. What has happened to her? When did it all go so wrong? I try to be observant but then have other things like cooking and one child after the other dies. She does not leave them at home when she goes to the outside loo to do her business because she does not want them.
Gold was known as someone who did smile because she was such a happy child now a wife and a mother she hardly smiles as the husband has sat on the only surviving thing she has from her romantic attachment. The romance went out of her life and she looks pale the very pallor of herself that used to be so pink and bright now this growing shade of whiteness of greyness of decay as if she has died and has death written on her face.
I brave the husband and he does not notice I ask his forgiveness if not that then a respite to seek his help but he is negative and more than that he says good.
“Good is not the word for this.”
“Family this is my reward disobedience?”
“Family disobedience you all conspiring to make me look a fool?”
“You are our dad?”
“No more of that now be off and fetch my slippers.”
“There is nothing in that.”
“No my toes are in that.”
“Husband’s come home.”
“Yes the twit is here too.”
“The two of you now can play.”
“What does it mean Missie?”
“Is it not what it means that you two against the women?”
“Look it is not nice what you are implying I am going out as the guardian has come to guard our honour.”!
“Fuck me that child is a imbecile.”
“She is because of your guardian of honour.”
“I say wife I made a half penny and only spent twelve shillings to get it.”
“Very good husband now try harder.”
“But that is the first profit I made.”
“Dad he has made a profit of a half penny is he not nicer than you?”
“My God son you are an imbecile.”
“Dad don’t call him that it is most rude.”
“You see my wife is kinder than she thinks before she did not even tolerate me now she is standing up for me.”
“Because I hate you more now dearest pass me the marmalade.”
“You meant not that?”
“Yes I do.”
“Loath to think what matters we are still trying to have children and it puts me off when you say things like that.”
“I matter or you?”
“You of course my pet.”
“My children stop.”
“We are copiously copying you our parents.”
Emin is my name they were happier times and then a windswept and they disappeared disappointed into time and space and like minds slept. And did away to the town and another town appeared to regress into the regenerated programmes. The refusal to give in is the only thing we women have in common of course most of our lot is the same because men are doing their own patch as if patch work and think tanks and all that mattered to me was to die.
The gossips did not leave me they in fact increased with age they seem to gather momentum as if the sliding down in our fortunes meant that we did not only make the real not real but even more dirty.
Papa moved next door and continued to abuse me and then he was the one who brought me forth children it was then accepted. A done thing father was rich and that meant a rich man could do anything he wanted.
Father was a man who got murdered for his crime and this leapt into our hearts a man murdered while having sexual intimacies. A man of the people senator and this meant he done for that democracy done for but if only people knew? They did not know and did not understand.
My mistake was not trusting anyone with our secret as our daughter sewed her wedding gown and mended her trousseau I was worrying about what and who she might wed and that our secret might be out of the bed.
That when we were rich this meant nothing but now poor it meant a lot riches they state can hide a multitude of sins. Is it hard to understand I needed a someone? A cuddle at the same time to partner with a passionate man? I needed his wife to be nearby so that we could combine his marriage not dissolving but making us the perfect trio.
You don’t understand what it is like to be alone then suddenly to find this trust and true love.
I can’t leave the house the house is now not the shelter but a prison and I am a prisoner in it. If it was not for my darling daughter I would starve and my stupid husband with me as he would never go to the shops to shop as it is woman’s work.
The food we eat now silently as even Gold is growing tired the strain of her marriage has settled her into this gaunt from constant childbearing.
Gold says “End my marriage dad or I will die.” She actually thought that Husnu was her dad the poor deluded child. She did not know half of it.
I am startled at how my words are spoken loudly by this passionate creature and I want to cry, “Stop.
Don’t echo me just don’t echo me.”
But she is echoing me my very thoughts she is echoing and re echoing as if it will not stop.
My mirror image she is my mirror image the very self of me she has taken on my identity and might be the beast that carries the burden she has taken the world on her shoulders and is carrying it more successfully than me. I shan’t miss the burdens which I now leave behind there is nothing left of my life but a few teeth and gums which are sore.
Then the husband forces me to choose what to do the undertakers house is settled onto the firm he has and if I go anywhere near the house or even look he would burn it down with the two in there.
The man the undertaker is a good man but the husband is powerful the power I had given him has turned him into a pinnacle in society. I sob and sob there is nothing I can do I sobbed all night that night I sobbed and sobbed there is nothing a woman can do about that. There is nothing any wife can do about such a man as my husband and he dares to say he a civil man.
My daughter’s marriage is ended in a way unexpected and in fact first they were married and seconds later that nurse took him on and he went gladly willingly as if he was mesmerised by the nurse and they took to bed. But what did my darling daughter see nothing but relief she said she now can sleep in her own bed without any husband bothering her vitals.
“Vitals and me thinking her my daughter?”
“I am mother but the thing is there is too much of him inside me.”
“I think you are making a mistake.”
“I will die if I stay married to that.” She said and I believed her. Yes she I believed she not like me a wife material. She more herself so we leave it alone. It is her father who takes it bad and he is consumed by vile and evil thinking and gives most of the property to the husband her ex husband and away from the family.
“The only thing is the farm which is what he leaves her now work that one out.”
Then we have this thing when the daughter has a divorce from her husband we move in with the daughter’s husband and his wife and we live there for seven long years.
I did not know we would be undone by such a good son in law he seemed so nice and now we bereft and homeless in the seven years we injected and made into invalids. But evil conquers they say where there is rich males they have a lot of evil to get by with.
We now so submissive and subdued and then he throws us out or the wife does she does not want to be bothered and treatment is at the end.
We are now homeless and my daughter’s generosity saved us from being in the woods homeless.
“Out.” Said the nurse as if in distaste.
My other child, Meseret was still in there with the aunts and she had been raped had gone to a proper education institute to learn manners and came out looking for a husband. She wanted children she said to everyone who asked her out.
“Nobody made any offering for such an insane thing.”
“Well why not?”
“Because she wanted a child from every men and some man did not want her children.”
“She not legal.”
“No she violent.”
“She was a sexy kitten but she violent knew judo and this meant she did not belong in the normal homes of the gentry.”
“No she did not belong in any house because she quite capable of knocking it down.”
“No the house.”
It is logical to assume that he was blackmailing us and he got away with that? Well we got away with murder so a little blackmail how could it be same?
I alone in the world know the truth that we are both murderers and this is not amusing to think that the husband has nowhere to go but here now. He wears his suit and spruces himself up and has a heart attack on the way to work.
He caves in my great mammoth caves in and I die too there is nothing much I can say that relief brought tears but there is the replacement the husband of my lovely Meseret now into doing the same things to me which my husband had been able to do he sets the gangs onto me and makes my life a misery.
Yes Meseret marries a Jew and he is working in the mines and he is an abler man than most with the marks of the devil in him. He is a drunken lout and he swears in his cups to my poor Meseret and she has not been able to whine like me she sends her oldest daughter to be educated with the aunts to close the mouths of debt.
“There is now no more debt to pay off.”
“None.” Said poor Meseret she is not able to shake off this thought that maybe there is more debtors to come and pay off because life is not cheap when one is always laughing. Like she had been doing all her life misspent her life she had and with her pottery work needed doing to make the standards of life more real. She pots and most of them come to see her do that.
He breaks the pots her husband does when he is angry with her does not lay a hand on her otherwise he is so involved with her touches her hair and says words to her nicer than anyone has ever done for me.
“My mess my mess.” He called her.
My daughter Gold who is the older of the too has this unhealthy attachment to the Meseret and she does not realise that she has now a family of her own.
The daughter left entirely alone has the time to remarry and then she had what is known as two children which she adores. It is not a legal marriage and they are so happy until the husband of the Gold throws us outside. But it is our money we bought the house with it.
“It is in our name.”
“It is our money.”
“Go out and never come again will call the authorities if you do.”
We have nowhere to go.
So we go back to Gold.
Meseret on the other hand had since married after attacking her adopted lesbian couple mothers. Meseret said she had been raped by them. So went to a special school and learnt a trade and table manners and did all sorts to get by.
She married her polio riddled husband because he the only one who loved her and they become attached.
My husband had me interned in the house and the only time we go out is when I am being attacked. I had my mouth slit from side to side with a bit of my tongue which I cut in there when it was being slit. Then I went blind. But these were the common causes of having affairs said my husband who did not think that was punishment enough.
I thanked the lord that my children did not have to suffer from a like fate. The incest which I feared did not seem to make them into the disaster which I had become they were happier than myself. One lives for one’s children does not one? This increased my enjoyment in watching them grow. That one of them was eating flies as I was babysitting and I thought that the walls had food did not seem odd at all.
I always knew that children needed love in their parents’ marriage but my daughter Gold said it positively all the time that without love there could not be a childhood; let alone a person. And this she did not want for her own children. Her childhood has past she said in empty loneliness when she did not even own a doll and was looking forward to being a child bride and all she wanted was a doll to hold to play with.
Gold had no time to be a child she was with a child looking after her baby sister at eleven years old while the whole town was outside trying to make her into a whore because she they supposed had lost her virtue.
“She had a child when eleven silly whore.”
“Why she should give one to us as well.”
“Why doesn’t she what is missing from our lot?”
“We have the same things don’t we?”
“Whores are whores.”
No one was allowed to play with her she lived like a princess in her tower the best looking house anywhere and they did not even own a horse or a goat to milk or love? That everything was pure gold when one could not touch anything and if it got broken there was a criminal scene.
“Broken that that is worth its price I bought that for a cent.”
“That is a lot of money for you to bare?”
“It is not a question of money but did you or did you not break it?”
“Then you have broken my trust.”
“By breaking my things you broken my trust that is part and parcel of my labour the daily bread.”
“Is that what that is?”
“I work for that.”
“Does mum work?”
“No she is a wife.”
“A wife does not work hard?”!
“No because she is a wife.”
“She is honoured to be a wife because without a husband she would not exist.”
“So a woman is without existence if she is not married?”
“I told you so.”
“What is that you saying to her?”
“None of your business.”
“He said ma that you do not exist.”
“I probably do not.”
“You see we agree totally if she had not possessed me in the market by letting me buy her I would be a broken man.”
“You are broken dad?”
“Not true. Now run along pet.”
“It is such a clever girl.”
“I sure I’m.” That night I was running away with a live baby doll. I was eleven years old.
The donkey came precisely at twelve dad and ma had slept by nine and I made sure they would be deeply asleep and told auntie to come by that time.
“Where is the doll?”
“Here. Now come along before he awakes.”
“It is not alive it is a dead doll?”
“No the live one is where we are going we don’t need to wake the dead.”
We were still under British rule and Britain ruled us. The men could do anything in his household as long as he had a job.
I would pretend that this did not happen that I had free will and could do whatever I cared to do.
The first born which is not Gold but the one the squire gave me and I gave to the squires wife in order to make her life less barren and she had no other child at all? I don’t think so she might have done but when she came to live next door to her half sister this meant they did not go along the thing was they spent their lives being called cousins.
No it was not that unkind life is not all bad is it?
But the thing was she and she a sisterly act to follow that they were amusing together and that they took each other’s houses and then saved each other’s lives. So the three sisters eventually became neighbours.
I do not think the husband had married his own daughter now that would be asking for trouble because he a mayor or something highly ranked in the government circle. He in there with some tart when he dies. Dad lived and died by his dick and he died doing the jest on the people who voted him in and he was voted out, out voted by nature.
It is an embarrassment to his government and he is told how heroic he had been to be able to manage to die in a brothel.
With a child watching him?
“With this other child watching him?”
“I don’t know you see the prostitute did not find a baby minder and brought the child with her.”
“So the situation was he could have been disgraced.”
“His wife did all she could to stem the flow of viral letters.”
“He had a chocolate in his month.”
“No somewhere else?”
“Don’t know about that.”
“So who are these people?”
“They lived in the late forties and fifties in Cyprus.”
“They also appear in some other continents.”
“They are almost as pleasing to me as my own.”
“They are also so much more entertaining as some criminals I know.”
“Letters condemning the entire government as poor and indecent inadequate and all that.”
“The same things don’t happen all the time?”
I know the richer one appears younger or more youthful but believe you me she older because she born first. If one is born first it is not wise to question the calendar months. The month of the year states it is born six or seven centuries before that other one but this and the other thinks me that it might be the cousin after all for could a woman be so youthful looking when she so much older?
Another thing they did not seem to be anything but cousinly in their demeanour but there is something fishy about how each knew what the other one is feeling about situations. The tilt to their heads and the way they did belong their very substance was the same. I did not need to be told that they were into a relationship closer than ever and they did not seemed to be having but this quiet contentment a incest born and bred I was this new teller of tales about that very thing which had made me?
“Your whole family is bonded like within incest.”
“What I am saying should it continue?”
The way even the richer one dressed, various shades of grey and their garments one poverty stricken and the other one abler but with the touch of grey. There is nothing to ask or understand what they wore gives it away; the way their tones of speaking were exactly the same.
The same interests the very same in sense even the rich had chickens which got out of the coup and went out roaming and the way the fence did always get somehow another attempt of burglary and the thing was she did not complain but knew who had done it.
Gold had to ask and understand which she did instantly and took precautions that Meseret’s husband was out to get someone presumably her. He had taken the chicken in preparation for the celebratory drink and barbecue.
Gold knew he wanted a feast on blood and mayhem so she was not unprepared she looked with dread to the constant murder attempts on her and her mother Emine.
I do not think that he liked the family he only married for the money and he disliked to be married to the family. He thought he could have married someone better as he a foreman with a good wage packet. But he so deformed nobody could see how beautiful he really was.
But Meseret was beautiful?
“Who cares she still from a chequered background.” He liked to keep her in her place.
“Polio leg hurts so much I am in hell woman wife come and heal me.”
She answered back, “Go to hell.”
“But she did not say it out loud because she had not her pressure went up and she startles the whole town by bursting into a insane hysterical laughter.
Meseret would faint in a fainting fit and laugh out loud as if her heart would break.
The whole town comes to watch what a wretched thing. She is ashen and her pallor is so grey that she could be mistaken for someone ugly.
The children come and pick their mother up her sister says I know what to do and they all deal with it as they all have to.
Ati was known as the hairless Atiye and she was the sibling which nobody knew about married to her own dad.
We know Ati’s secret we can crash down her pot of gold we can undo her but we never do. Now she many winters gone and buried in the earth as well as the sands of time I think she died in the 1990’s but her husband died in the 1960’s. The happy widow they would chid her yes she was as merry as a babe she told everyone so.
Her name was Ati hanim, told her to sod off as she had visitors coming. Mother had gone to have a hamam. Well you have been sweating and that makes her what? This and the other and how if one is in trouble the other one knows and how the little doctor almost by their side the Gold and her family now dirt poor.
“Anyone can now speak their minds?”
“Of course when rich everyone loved me now poor there is a change.”
Those are the four people in the sotto but there might be less or more my maths is very bad.