Schizophrenia (Updated & Revised)

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Chapter 12: "Why are you crying?"

We were moved to a small office. Blaze had to sit in the middle of the room in front of the large desk with his hands cuffed behind his back. A thin, boney woman sat behind the desk with gray hairs sticking out everywhere. Behind her was a man with glasses slipping off his face. We were here for the punishment Blaze would get for stabbing the man who had beaten him earlier. Blaze still had dried blood covering his right cheek and a dry stream of blood reaching from his nose to his chin. The silence was becoming unbearable; the suspense increased more and more every second and I felt myself becoming sick.

The woman collected her papers and began to speak, “Blaze, you’ve had multiple outbursts before, but this one takes the cake. Not only did you harm another patient, but you murdered him. You murdered a man who was being released next week. This was the one reported time he’s harassed you and you murder him. What is wrong with you?”

Blaze looked down to his lap, “I’m tired of people walking all over me.”

The man with the glasses rolled his eyes, “Do you not understand what you did? You committed a murder. Homicide! You killed a man who has a family and a child on the way. You tore a family apart, does that mean nothing to you?” The man’s voice was full of disgust. I hated hearing all this insults. I hated watching these bozo’s tear Blaze apart like he was nothing. I understand he committed murder, but they could cool it on the insults.

The woman held up a photo to Blaze. The photo was of the man who Blaze murdered hours earlier. “Do you even know this man’s first name?” Blaze only shrugged in response. The woman sighed in irritation, “This man is Marcus Bends. I’m appalled by you and your behavior,” the woman flicked the photo away and sat back in her seat pinching the bridge of her nose. This entire time, I was still caught up on the name of the man.

Marcus Bends.

I glanced at the photo that was now sat on the floor. The man had a straight face as if he were taking a mugshot. This man looked so familiar. His name rang a bell, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

My attention was torn away from the photo when I heard a knock at the door. “Let her in,” the man said. The door opened and in came a woman who looked at least two or three months pregnant. This woman looked so familiar.

The woman made her way to the empty seat next to the desk. The man in the glasses shook the pregnant woman’s hand, giving her a weak smile. The woman coughed and cleared her throat, “I came here because I am ...was married to Marcus and the father of our soon to be child. When I heard about Marcus’ murder, I cried harder than I ever have,” the woman quickly wiped a stray tear on her cheek. “We were only married for two years before he was put into Mills Mental Institution, but knowing I’m sitting in front of the person who murdered my husband ...I can’t help but feel disgust. I feel no sympathy for you.”

I could hear the hurt and despair in the woman’s voice. She sounded so broken. My eyes scanned the woman up and down as she continued to speak. I could see Blaze out of the corner of my eye with a bored expression as if he could care less about what the woman was saying.

“He was so excited to have a child,” she let out a weak, sad chuckle. “He had the baby’s names all planned out; if it were a boy, he wanted to name him Alex. If it were a girl, he would want to name her Ryder.”

I shot up from my bed with a cold sweat. I felt hot tears brim my eyes as everything processed in my mind. The murder, Marcus, the woman; everything made sense. Blaze hadn’t murdered a patient, he murdered my father. He killed the man I was told left my mother and I at a young age due to relationship complications. He was the man I never met. What made everything worse? I was staring into the eyes of the murderer.

How could I have been so stupid? Blaze was a deranged, psychotic 19-year-old who killed my father. I couldn’t believe I didn’t realize this earlier. Tears poured from my eyes and the pain coursed through my body. I don’t remember the last time I cried this hard. I’ve never cried so much before.

“Ryder,” I looked up to see Blaze. “Why’d you leave so soon? They were about to announce my death sente--”

He noticed the tears on my face. “Why are you crying?” he asked, taking steps closer toward the bed. I stood from where I sat on the bed and turned my back to Blaze with arms crossed over my chest. Why was he playing dumb? Was my mother mentioning my name not a big enough hint?

“Don’t talk to me,” I spat.

“What did I do?”

I shook my head in disbelief. “Do you not get it Blaze? Are you that stupid that you can’t even realize who you murdered?” I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was an emotional wreck while he had no idea what he had done wrong. He may be mentally unstable, but he’s stable enough to realize what he had done. I should’ve believed AddaLynn when I had the chance.

“It was just a patient,”

“You killed my father Blaze!” I span on my heel and stared at him, anger pumping through my system. “You killed the dad I never met because I wasn’t even born yet. You tore apart my family and are the reason I’ve had to suffer for so long. My mom told me my father left us when I was two years old because of relationship problems. I can’t believe I put so much effort into talking to you.”

Tears were falling down my face like waterfalls. I grabbed my hair and pulled it as I cried harder and harder. I couldn’t handle this pain; it was unbearable.

“Ryder I’m sorry I didn’t know --”

“You didn’t know? You didn’t know you killed my father? What was the hint: my father having the last name Bends of my mother saying my name?”

I couldn’t control what I was saying; anger was pulsing through my system. “I trusted you Blaze. I felt like for once I had someone to talk to and actually get along with despite the fact that you’re dead. It was barely ten minutes ago I promised I would trust you and wouldn’t leave you. I can’t even look at you without feeling disgusted. You’re ...you’re a monster Blaze,” Blaze’s facial expression fell and I could see the pain on his face but I didn’t care. I wanted him to hurt like I was hurting.

“Ryder, please. Not after everything we’ve been through together. Please,” he begged.

I stepped up to Blaze so we were only inches apart. It took all my willpower to keep myself from beating the daylights out of him. “You are a monster. I allowed you into my life and let you tell me all the secrets about this place. Little did I know part of the reason this place has a bad reputation was because you killed my father. You took a huge piece out of my life and you don’t even care. The worst part is I watched it happen. I sat there and let you stab him when he didn’t even deserve it. I can’t even look at you,” I turned away from Blaze and began to cry even more. I walked to the opposite side of the room and faced the wall as I continued to cry.

I heard Blaze take steps towards me. “P-Please Ryder,” he weakly said. “Please give me another chance.”

I took a deep breath, “I hate you. I hate you so much. I hate you for everything you’ve done to me and all the pain you caused me,” I let out another loud sob. “Go ahead and fry in that electrical chair, I don’t care.”

I turned to Blaze but he was gone. I leaned my back against the cold walls and slid to the floor. I hated myself for not noticing any of this earlier. I don’t care about Blaze; I want him to fry in that electric chair and feel all the pain I feel. He deserved to die. He doesn’t deserve happiness. He doesn’t deserve happiness. He doesn’t deserve anything except pain.

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