Schizophrenia (Updated & Revised)

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Chapter 15: "Is something wrong Ryder?"

These scars were hard to hide, especially in this environment. If anyone saw these scars ...who know what would happen? I could get sent to solitary confinement or somewhere worse than I am now. People would like I’m more psychotic than they think I am. No matter how much I said I wasn’t the one who inflicted harm on myself, they wouldn’t believe me. Blaze’s name wasn’t known among the patients but he was known among the workers. If the doctors and guards knew it was Blaze who had done this to me, they would cut my life short. Blaze and his history was under wraps. If any of it were to slip out, all insanity would break loose.

I was sat in an office with the new doctor I was assigned to. I don’t think I would be seeing Dr. Michaels anymore since he couldn’t take care of my case. This new doctor was already late which was a little suspicious. Doctors are usually on time or are in their office before the patient arrives, so where is this doctor? I sat on the chair tracing little designs on my legs.

I heard the door open and close and footsteps. I turned to see the new doctor rushing to his desk. He gave me an apologetic smile as he set up his items. “Sorry for being late -- I was dealing with a patient. I’m Dr. Adams, nice to meet you.” He stuck his hand out to me. I shook his hand, being cautious of my scars. I didn’t want him to see the cuts and think right off the bad I was insane.

I was mentally stable. I was mentally stable…

He sat in his chair as he organized his paperwork. “I was told by Dr. Michaels that you’ve been diagnosed with depression and insomnia along with your case of schizophrenia. Lucky for you, I’ve taken care of many patients who’ve dealt with those illnesses, but you’re the first patient that’s had all three at once. Ryder, is it?” His mouth ran a mile a minute.

I nodded. He wasn’t as bad as I expected, except the fact that he doesn’t stop talking. That was definitely something he had to work on if he wanted to keep me awake during his sessions. Dr. Adams pulled out a paper with my face along with a pen. “Let’s start off with your schizophrenia. What hallucinations and tricks are your mind playing on you?” he asked, clicking his pen.

It’s as if every time I want to say Blaze’s name, I felt my mouth and blood begin to burn. Blaze made me want to scream on the top of my lungs. He made me angry, upset, and terrified all at once. He messed up my mind by throwing me into a reality I wanted no part of. Not to mention how he’s physically hurt me, making it obvious he wasn’t playing around. “It’s a guy that was a past patient. His name is Blaze Dixon if it rings a bell,” I spoke cautiously.

I watched Dr. Adams write a few notes, completely calm. I was shocked to know he was completely fine with my mind being terrorized by the worst patient in Mills Mental Institution history. Especially knowing that Blaze was supposed to be unknown to patients. I sat there, watching the pen ink the paper with word after word.

I glanced behind Dr. Adams to see windows that allowed the beautiful rays of sun to pass through. I missed the feeling of the sun warming my skin on a cool summer day. I was a free teen. Now I was trapped in the wall of an asylum because I’ve been accused of being schizophrenic.

As my eyes moved from one window to the next. I saw Blaze standing between the windows with his arms crossed. I felt my heartbeat pick up and my eyes grew wide. Blaze had the look of death on his face, his eyes piercing into me. His index finger drew a line over his neck to signal death. Dr. Adams noticed my panicked state and looked behind him to see nothing. My arm raised and my finger pointed in the direction Blaze was in which made Dr. Adams turn around to see nothing yet again. “Is something wrong Ryder?” he questioned as he turned back to me.

“B-B-Blaze,” I stuttered.

Dr. Adams turned one again. I rubbed my eyes and Blaze escaped my sight. The doctor turned back to me with a confused expression. “That was Blaze you saw behind me?” he asked, jerking his thumb behind him. I nodded and dropped my head in my hands. Was I really schizophrenic? No, I can’t be. I’m a normal seventeen year old who’s in a mental asylum for no reason at all. I’m perfectly fine; nothing was wrong with me or my mind. “Would you like a way to get Blaze out of your mind and for him to leave you alone?

I frantically nodded my head. I tuned into what Dr. Adams had to say. I was drying to get Blaze away from me. I was really hoping Blaze wasn’t around; if he heard everything Dr. Adams told me, he would play around the rules and make his move. The doctor and I leaned into each other, our faces inches apart.

“Blaze Dixon is a hard kid to crack, so you have to beat him at his own game. He’s clever, smart, slick, and quick.” I knew that much; through the small time I’ve known Blaze, those were the top elements I picked up from his personality.

Dr. Adams continued, “To beat Blaze, you have to reach up to his level. You have to try and set your mind to place he’s placed himself in. He craves blood and murder -- he feeds off it. He’s a devious person who knows how to mess with the people around him. To beat his strategy, you have to become him. You have to think like him, be devilish like him, think murder like him; you have to morph yourself into the mind of the most demonic patient this institution has seen. Do you think you could do that?”

Turned myself into Blaze? I felt as if that was a risky move. If Blaze knew I was aware on how he plays his game, he wouldn’t hesitate to strike. His mind catches onto things so quickly. It would be nearly impossible to take him down especially tricks of his own that are backfiring. In all honesty, I was scared to go through with this plan. On the other hand, I would get rid of Blaze for good. I slowly began to not my head. “I think I’ll be able to handle that.”

Derek came into the room to whisk me off to the next place I was needed. Once we stepped out of the office and into the hall, I held my stomach and made a pained expression. “I-I’m not feeling very well ...can I go back to my room?” I was faking ...I needed to go back to my room. I needed to think out how I was going to become Blaze. I had to understand everything about him if I want to be him.

“Cramps?” he asked.

I nodded, getting a more pained look on my face to make it seem more real. Derek gave in and led me back to my room. I walked into my room and spread myself across the bed, making myself comfortable. Once Derek was gone, that’s when my mind ran a mile a minute. I carefully thought out Blaze -- his behavior, the way he spoke, his dark posture -- I had to collect every little element about him if I wanted to take him down.

This was going to be harder than I thought; it isn’t easy to make myself into someone I’ve spent at least two months with. Within these last two months, I was only able to grasp onto the same details about Blaze I knew before. I forced myself to concentrate; I needed to stay focused. I needed ...wanted Blaze out of my head. He was driving me to insanity and I didn’t need him to mess me up more than he already has. The flame between Blaze and I is about to grow even larger. All madness was about to let loose.

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