Schizophrenia (Updated & Revised)

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Chapter 17: "I'll do my best,"

I was back in the visitor’s room waiting for AddaLynn. She was my last resort at this point now that Dr. Adams was dead. I was beginning to like her more than her brother. Not only because she was mentally sane, but she’s known Blaze since he was young. She must know a few things and ways to weaken Blaze.

I made sure Blaze wasn’t present in the room with us. If he heard us planning how to take him down, there was a great chance Blaze would kill her too. AddaLynn was the only person who knew how to get this job done. I already know how Blaze plays his game, all that was left was to learn how he has his tricks to beating anyone and everyone out.

AddaLynn walked up to the window, sitting in front of me and picking up the black phone. “I heard what happened to your doctor. I’m here to help you in every way possible.” She said with confidence in her voice. I was more than thankful for AddaLynn being here for me, especially in such a time of need. I was alone and had no one else to turn to.

I looked into AddaLynn’s eyes with plea. “AddaLynn, you have no idea how much this means to me that you’re helping me. You do know you’re putting your life at risk by helping me, right?” I asked her. She nodded and slid a sheet of paper under the glass. I scanned over the paper to see a list of Blaze’s weaknesses.

AddaLynn and I glanced at each other with determination. “For all the years I’ve known Blaze, these are the things he didn’t react well to. He would fall apart when these are brought to his attention and he’d be defenseless. I’m sick of people falling to their knees because of him. You’re my last hope Ryder. You’re the institutions last hope.

“Blaze has been forcing people to worship him like he’s some kind of god. He isn’t a god, he isn’t even an angel. He’s a nightmare looking for someone to love or have some sort of relationship with. Blaze has had no one to rely on his whole life, making him become as hard as he was the day I last saw him before he was admitted here. You’re the only person who’s gotten this close to him -- it’s too late to let him go now. You have to take him down Ryder, I’m begging you.”

The pressure was on -- I felt the weight on my shoulders. AddaLynn was right -- I was the last hope in getting Blaze officially out and away from Mills Mental Institution. “I’ll do my best,” was all I was able to say.

AddaLynn nodded. Derek tapped my shoulder and was ready to take me to where I was assigned to next. AddaLynn and I said quick goodbyes before we left the phone booth. I folded up the sheet of paper and slid it into my boot, hiding it from everyone around me.

The simplest way to break Blaze (according to the list AddaLynn gave me) was mentioning his family and his awful past. THat was the ondea idea I was going to head for first. I had a feeling he would crumble once I talked about how he was abandoned when growing up. He seemed to bring up his past often so I had a feeling this was one of the many things that could make him fall apart.

I was lead into the activity room to see patients with small canvases and cheap paint brushes, painting sloppily on their canvas. There was even a patient trying to eat blue paint. I awkwardly walked to an empty seat and grabbed supplies for myself. I wasn’t sure what I was going to paint, so I dipped my paintbrush into the green paint and let the brush run across the small canvas. My imagination was dead and gone thanks to being locked up in this asylum for so long.

My sleeve inched up a bit and my bandaged wrists peeked through. I looked to the bandages and thought over my time in Mills Mental Institution. Have I changed over the time I’ve been here? Am I someone I never thought I’d turn into?

I feel as if my mind has altered into something that was anything but me. I was independent and didn’t need anyone when i got here. Now I’m soft and let my guard down. People had to fight to get to know me, but now all I have to do is say my name and everyone knows my entire life story.

I allowed my mother, these doctors ...Blaze to walk over me. I allowed them to tear me down and make me feel as if I’m nothing. I allowed my mother to throw me into this institution and didn’t even put up a fight. My life was taken away because of her. These doctors make everything worse and diagnose me with mental issues I know I don’t have.

Then there was Blaze. He was the reason I’ve nearly lost my mind. He’s torn me apart and I could never forgive him for that. He left physical marks on my head and wrists. Not to mention he killed my father and ripped my family to shreds. I wasn’t going to allow him to break me down to easily anymore. It was my turn to break him down.

I took a quick glance around me to see no one looking in my direction. I tugged the sheet of paper out of my boot and read it over once again. I felt anxious; I wanted to get this done and over with already. I didn’t want to deal with this institution. I wanted to leave or at least get Blaze out of my head. If he was gone, everything would be in harmony. I would be able to step foot out of insanity and back into reality. It was time to get everything back on track and get myself back together.

Game on, Blaze.

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