Schizophrenia (Updated & Revised)

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Chapter 18: "Speak."

It was late in the night and I was still awake plotting my plan. I paced around the small room and read over the small list from AddaLynn over and over again. It was about time I took action in controlling what’s happening around me and to me. Not to mention I was saving future patients and doctors from having to deal with such an awful soul.

I sighed and prepared myself for what was about to come. I laid myself on my bed and slowly drifted off into sleep. My body slowly grew heavier with every breath I took.

I found myself in the same dimly lit room Blaze and I met in for the first time. The tray and chair were still in the same spot we left them in. I was alone, but I knew Blaze would show up sooner or later.

Speak of the devil, Blaze walked out from the dark corner with a smirk on his lips. I crossed my arms over my chest. “Let’s get this over with Blaze. It’s about time we get down to business,” I huffed. I was already sick of him and wanted to finish this as soon as possible.

Blaze let out a low laugh as he leaned against the wall, “And what ‘business’ are we getting down to, exactly?”

I rolled my eyes and walked up to Blaze. Our faces were only centimeters apart as my hard eyes stared into his dark ones. “By business, I mean let’s get this whole thing we have over with. I’m done babysitting you and your little attitude. I’d love to abandon you like how you were while growing up. What was it like to grow up with no one to care for you?”

The smug look on Blaze’s face slowly fell. I felt power run through my system as I continued, “Come on Blaze. What was it like to grow up while feeling unloved and useless? You think just because you had a terrible past and no one to love, it’s okay to hurt those who have people who have people who care about the. You don’t know the first thing to loving or treating someone right. You don’t deserve love from anyone -- your parents, your sister, your friends, myself -- there isn’t a single person you deserve love from.”

I was able to tell Blaze was cracking under every word I said. That’s when I felt it -- powerful. I’ve craved to feel power over Blaze and I’ve finally achieved just that. I felt so strong. For all this time, Blaze has ruled over me and made me suffer. The tables have finally turned and I was now the one making Blaze suffer.

Blaze opened his mouth but I quickly placed my finger over his gaping lips. “Don’t speak, I’m not done yet,” I hissed. “Game’s over Blaze. It’s about time your useless soul leaves this institution and head off to wherever you’re supposed to be. You’re dead; you’re not a patient here anymore, what’s the point of staying here? You can go wherever you want, yet you decide to make other people’s lives miserable. Wake up Blaze, no one wants you!”

“Ryder, can I just --”

“I don’t understand why you want to stay here,”

“Ryder you don’t understand --”

“You’re not wanted here.”

“Will you shut up already?” Blaze snapped.

I stopped in my tracks. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. “Speak.” Blaze ran his fingers through his raggedy blonde hair with a stressed expression. What was he so flustered about?

Blaze glanced up to me. I moved my hand in a spinning motion telling him to hurry up. Blaze closed his eyes and let out a long breath, “I don’t know how else to say this, so I’m coming right out with it.” He finally said. I nodded.

“I-I,” he stumbled over his words. “I think I’m in love with you.”

All color drained from my face and my arms dropped to my sides. “E-Excuse me?” I was at a loss for words. Did he just say love? There was no was this could be true. Blaze is a psychotic nineteen year old who murdered people for fun. Out of all the people in this asylum, he was the one to have feelings for me.

Blaze pulled at his hair in frustration. “I’m in love with you Ryder Bends! That’s why I’ve stuck with you all this time. That’s why I killed Dr. Adams. I didn’t want you to leave me. You’ve changed me and made me feel feelings I’ve never felt before. I don’t know how this happened. No one’s ever loved me before and I don’t know where these feelings are coming from.” He looked at me with desperation in his eyes. “D-Do you feel the same?”

I shook my head with a frightened expression. “I would never love someone like you. I can’t ...I won’t love you.” Blaze shook his head vigorously. He took steps closer to me as I took steps back. This can’t be happening. This can’t be something that was real. A dead soul can’t love me. This had to me some kind of mistake.

“You’ve changed me Ryder.”

“You haven’t changed Blaze! You’re unstable!”

He harshly pushed his hair from his face, tears easy to identify in his eyes. Blaze was close to crying right after he’s confessed his love to me. He sobbed as he stared at me with wet eyes. “You’re so different from the other patients. I’ve tried to kill you because I need you here. Do you know how much I need you here? I’m lonely! I need you!” His body shook with sobs. “Is this what love does to someone? It makes them crazy?”

I shook my head again, “You don’t know what love is This isn’t some romance sob story Blaze. I’m not nor will I ever be in love with you. You’re sick and need to fix yourself before you think about loving someone.” Blaze continued to take steps towards me, making me uncomfortable. I needed to wake up -- this nightmare was all too much.

I felt like I was losing my mind. A mentally unstable patient, who I should mention is dead, was hopelessly in love with me.

My back hit the cold wall behind me as Blaze still walked towards me. He was getting dangerously close which made my heart pound in my chest. Blaze and I were only inches apart and I was able to feel his hot breath hit me. “Please let me go,” I whimpered. He ignored me and stared at me. He inched his face closer to mine which made me begin to freak out. “Stop Blaze!” i cried. He came closer to me. He was so wrapped up in himself that he didn’t care what I had to say. I continued to beg and plead, but nothing worked.

I shot up in my bed with sweat all over my face. I frantically looked around and soon came to realization that I was back in my room. I sighed in relief and fell back on the bed. Out of all the torturous dreams I’ve had to endure, this one had to be the worst. He was so weak and confused. What possessed him to confess his love like that?

I’ve never felt more disturbed in my entire life. It wa my mission to defeat Blaze and I didn’t complete half of the task. The worst part was he was defeated without me trying. He was beginning to crumble, but I don’t know if it was enough to drive him out of the asylum.

I had a bad feeling about all this. Blaze was growing weak but he was still freaking me out. It was going to be a challenge to avoid him in every way possible. If I stayed in the institution, he was here. If I killed myself, I was trapped with him. I had no escape and I had no idea how I would deal with life in the institution now. This was another challenge I didn’t want to face. But of course, I had no choice.

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