Chapter 19: "...Why are you here?"
Patients were forced to stay locked up in their rooms while the Dr. Adams murder case was taken care of. I thought it was weird how we were allowed to roam the halls just yesterday, but now we’re forced to stay in our cells. I felt like a dog trapped in a cage; I was trapped in a closed room with no way out. I was bored out of my mind and had a bad feeling Blaze would appear sometime soon.
Then again, after last night, he may not show his face around here for awhile. He had to keep himself hidden for a good amount of time, right? That’s something I would really enjoy right now. I needed to be alone to somehow pull myself together. I was scared of Blaze before, but now I was terrified. Knowing he was out to kill me so he wouldn’t be lonely in the afterlife was all I could think about.
I sat on my bed with my chin resting on the palm of my hand. Saying I was bored wasn’t enough to fully express how I was feeling. I wasn’t interested in anything around me and I was tired of waiting until I was allowed to roam the halls again. I felt my stomach rumble, making me groan and fall back on the bed. I was bored, scared, confused, and hungry.
There was a knock on my door. Confused, I sat up and looked to the small window. I saw Dr. Michaels standing in front of the door which I was surprised by; I hadn’t seen Dr. Michaels since before I met Dr. Adams. I walked up to the small window. “What are you doing here?” I asked.
Dr. Michaels quickly glanced left and right before turning back to me. “I’m going to take you down to my office since you can no longer meet up with Dr. Adams.” Dr. Michaels unlocked the door to my cell and allowed me out. He led me down the familiar halls leading straight to his office. Dr. Michaels unlocked the door and allowed me in first. I sat in the small chair in front of his desk while he flicked on the lights.
He sat down at his desk and pulled out a folder with my name on it. He pulled out paper after paper and clicked his pen open. “Since Dr. Adams has been taken away from us, I’ll be your therapist once again.” I nodded and watched him jot down notes onto the papers.
“Can I ask you something?” I spoke quietly.
Dr Michaels nodded, “What’s on your mind?”
I shifted in my seat, “Was Blaze Dixon ...abandoned growing up? Or abused?” I don’t know what possessed me to ask this question. I was curious and concerned over Blaze and wanted to know if AddaLynn was being truthful with everything she wrote on that paper she gave me.
I mean, you can’t trust everyone.
Dr. Michaels’ face scrunched in confusion before he opened one of the large desk drawers and searched through them. A few seconds later he pulled out another folder that was dirty, ripped, beaten up, and looked older than me. I noticed Blaze’s name written on the top of the folder. I can’t believe after all these years, they kept his file.
Dr. Michaels began to spread sheets of paper all over his desk. He glanced over each paper and then pulled out one specific sheet. He handed me the paper and I was quick to examine it. There was a black and white photo of Blaze along with the usual info about a patient -- name, date of birth, gender, reasoning of being checked in, etc. I looked further down the page to see more information. “His parents told us how his home life was so rough, they thought they were better off getting rid of him while they could,” Dr. Michaels sighed.
I moved my eyes up to the therapist to see pain on his face. “What do you mean his home life was rough?” I questioned. I shouldn’t be digging so deep to learn about Blaze, but curiosity was taking over my mind.
Dr. Michaels shuffled through more papers before handing me another sheet. The top of the paper read Blaze Dixon: Home Life. The information was endless; the paper looked as if it were a page ripped out of a novel. The paper had notes about his parents, his sister, his friends, and how he acted around people. I was confused to why Dr. Michaels was giving me so much information I wasn’t supposed to know about in the first place. Then again. I found out about Blaze from the source himself, so this must’ve been under different circumstances.
His life at home was definitely the definition of rough; the paper listed how Blaze was alone, abused, and was never loved as a child. I felt my heart begin to sink; I couldn’t believe what I was reading. I couldn’t believe what I said to him. Blaze wasn’t kidding when he said he was broken. Guilt was weighing on my mind and making me sick.
Blaze Dixon was abused and bullied by his peers along with his sibling, AddaLynn Dixon.
He would often be forgotten by those around him, resulting in him feeling as if no one cared about him/feeling unloved.
I hated myself so much. I yelled in Blaze’s face and told him how he was unloved and no one cared about him. He confessed his true feelings and felt as if he had someone he could rely on and I ruined it all for him. Not only that, but I trusted one of the people who bullied and abused him growing up; AddaLynn was the one person giving me key components to hurt Blaze while I was completely unaware of what Blaze was truly feeling.
Maybe having the feeling of having power and control of other people is what made Blaze feel as if he were ...powerful. He never felt love, so he didn’t want anyone around him to feel love either.
“Did Blaze ever tell you how he died?” Dr. Michael’s asked.
I nodded, “He said he was put into the electric chair,”
Dr. Michaels shook his head and let out a sigh. “He cut himself deeply before hanging himself on one of the lights hanging from the ceiling.”
My heart stopped. I was handed another sheet of paper with Cause of Death: Blaze Dixon written across the top. It had specific details of how Blaze took an incision knife to his wrists and tied a rope around his neck as well as the pole that held the light to the ceiling. Blaze sang two different songs to me that weren’t true; first Katrina Williams, now his death.
I looked to Dr. Michaels with a puzzled yet distressed expression. Dr. Michael’s sat back in his seat and let out a low breath. “Blaze was a hard guy to get to,” he spoke quietly. “The day he walked into this institution, he made it his mission to cause as much mayhem as he could, hence his name The Devil of Mills Mental Institution. The day he murdered Marcus Bends and was sent to solitary confinement, it was said guilt and depression ate him away. Doctors said he enjoyed causing trouble, but murder? That was a step too far, even for him.
“He grew up innocent as any other child would, but his life was what wrecked that innocent boy. Blaze went from being terrified of everyone to having everyone be terrified by him. Patients and doctors had to take things easy with him or everything would turn bad. People say he would act out and act mean so people wouldn’t see how powerless he really was. He never talks about his past. The fact you know so much about Blaze ...it’s shocking. Blaze may actually trust you.”
I was speechless; my mouth hung open yet no words came out. I didn’t know what to do or what to say. I shouldn’t be dragging myself back into the mess Blaze and I started, but I couldn’t keep myself away from it either. My curiosity was eating away at me and I had to silence it before it completely drove me insane.
I placed the papers back on Dr. Michaels’ desk and shut my mouth. I was so lost and confused. I wanted answers from Blaze but I wanted to keep distance with him. I was feeling sick just thinking about all the information I learned. “Can ...Can you take me back to my room?” I asked, voice barely a whisper.
Dr. Michaels and I exited the office and headed to my room. I needed to lie down after this whole ordeal. I walked into my room and heard Dr. Michaels lock the door behind me. Thank god I was alone; sitting in silence was all I needed. I hated myself for getting involved with Blaze and his story. What am I supposed to do now that I’ve figured out so much yet want to learn more? I’m such a nosey, curious person about certain things, but I can’t help it.