Schizophrenia (Updated & Revised)

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Chapter 21: "What are you talking about?"

Here I was once again in the visitor’s room. I sat behind the glass window with the black phone held up against my ear waiting for AddaLynn. I wasn’t holding back today; I was going to tell her off for what I witnessed last night. I couldn’t believe I was trusting her to help me break Blaze when she had already broken him years ago.

As if on cue, AddaLynn walked in with her purse tightly in clutch as she sat in front of me. She noticed the annoyed look on my face as she picked up the phone. “How did things go with you and Blaze?” was the first thing to come out of her mouth. I rolled my eyes and let out a chuckle; she was playing dumb and I found it hilarious.

“How about I ask you about you and Blaze? How were you guys growing up?” I shot back.

Her face scrunched in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

I sat up in my seat and stared AddaLynn dead in the eye. “I was shown what you did to Blaze when you guys were younger. You expect me to respect you after what you’ve done to him?” I spat.

AddaLynn paused for a moment, “Ryder, what are you talking abou--”

“Don’t play dumb with me!” I shouted. “I know what you did to Blaze! You beat him up and told him he was weak and to ‘grow a pair.’ Do you see what you did? Blaze doesn’t open up to anyone and hurts anyone who’s around him. Was that your goal?”

My blood was boiling and anger pumped through my veins. This was all AddaLynn and those bullies’ faults. If it wasn’t for them, he would still be alive and would’ve never ended up in Mills Mental Institution in the first place. I would never have had to deal with Blaze. All together, half the things he and I had been through wouldn’t have had to happen if AddaLynn and those immature 15 year olds never made life torture for him.

AddaLynn shot up from her seat in fury, knocking her chair onto the floor. “Why are you standing up for him after everything he’s done to you? Are you in love with him?” she slammed the phone back and stomped away. I sat back in my chair with the phone still attached to my hand and mouth slightly agape.

No, I’m not in love with him. Stop thinking you love him. You’re just standing up for him, that’s all. I thought to myself.

There was a tap on my shoulder and I looked up to see Derek. “It’s time to see Dr. Michaels,” he informed me. I hung the phone up and followed Derek down the halls.

Are you in love with him? Why do people always immediately assume people are in love if they’re only standing up for each other? I couldn’t love Blaze; he’s dead, I’m alive. There’s so many differences between us, it would be nearly impossible for us to love each other in the first place.

We arrived to Dr. Michaels’ office and I was left alone in the room with nothing except my thoughts. Are you in love with him? The question wouldn’t leave my mind. Love was stupid, especially between Blaze and I.

Dr. Michaels walked into the room with a folder in hand. “Sorry I’m late; I had to take care of another patient before I came here.” He apologized. I only nodded in response. He hurried to his desk and pulled out my folder. He at at his desk and began to file paperwork. From the corner of my eye, I could see Dr. Michaels look up at me in concern. “Is something bothering you Ryder?”

I looked up to the doctor to see him staring at me. I sighed and closed my eyes as I tried to think out what I was going to say. “I-Is it weird that Blaze is ...i-in love with me?” I cautiously spoke.

Dr. Michaels’ expression changed from worry to wide eyed shock. I knew this was going to be bad; from Blaze’s bad reputation around this institution to how much of a bad influence Blaze is, I knew a lecture was on its way.

“I don’t think it’s weird as long as you don’t have feelings for him.”

The look of guilt in my eyes was easily detected. Dr. Michaels’ jaw dropped. “Ryder, developing feelings for Blaze is very dangerous. You can’t fall in love with someone as dangerous as he is,” he quickly said.

I ran my hands over my face and let out an irritated sigh. “I never said I had feelings for him though! He’s just been on my mind a lot lately and I don’t know what to do. I told him off, he said he think he’s in love with me, and then his sister asked me if I was in love with him. I’m just lost.” I whimpered as I dropped my head in my hands.

I heard a sigh come from the therapist. “I think you’re best option at this point is to apologize to Blaze and see the results.” Dr. Michaels said calmly. As good (and obvious) of an idea as it sounds, it was probably going to take more than an ‘I’m sorry’ with Blaze; he’s a rough person who didn’t accept a simple answer. I had to work my way around him and gain trust with him once again in order for him to accept my apology.

This was going to be the last time; tonight ends everything.

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