Chapter 22: "What are you doing Ryder?"
I was pacing back and forth in my room with my hair twirling between my fingers. I was panicking; my heart was racing and my hands were trembling. My body felt numb as nervousness ran through my body. I wasn’t ready for tonight.
I glanced to the clock to see the time. 12:03AM. It was past midnight -- this was the time Blaze would appear in my dreams. I covered my face with my hands and let out a long sigh. I lied back on my bed and made myself comfortable before shutting my eyes. I took short breaths and felt myself become heavier with each passing second.
The dimly lit room where Blaze and I first met was where I turned up. The sound of someone clearing their throat came from behind me. I turned to see Blaze with his hands behind his back and a stern look on his face. “You yell at me, tell me I’m a hopeless psycho, and come back to talk to me? Who do you think I am?” he spat at me with a sour attitude.
I began to twirl the end of my hair between my fingers again. “I saw what you went through as a child and wanted to apologize; I had no idea it was that bad.” I spoke quietly. Blaze rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.
Blaze slowly walked towards me with annoyance all over his face. “You were the only bit of entertainment and happiness I had left in this dump and you blew me off. Do you really expect me to accept your apology? I was abused, Ryder. I told you AddaLynn knew nothing about me and didn’t care about me yet you still trusted her. I told you the complete truth about my life and you still didn’t believe me.”
“If you told me the truth then why did you lie about your suicide?” I shot.
Blaze’s arms fell to his sides in defeat. I don’t know where this sudden confidence came over me. In all honestly, yes Blaze completely lied about how he died. He wasn’t killed in the electrical chair, he killed himself because he was so guilty about murdering my father.
“You thought I was insane enough, what made you think telling you about my suicide would make the situation better?” he shot back.
I scoffed and crossed my arms. “You told me everything else so I don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell me something as important as your own suicide.”
Silence fell between us. I didn’t know what to say or what to do; I only stood in my spot, looking down to the floor with my arms still crossed. I heard Blaze walking around in front of m e with the sound of his footsteps echoing. I was lost in my own world as we continued to sit in silence.
This whole ‘apologize to Blaze’ plan was a complete fail. I don’t know why I tried in the first place if I knew the outcome. He was a stubborn 19 year old who didn’t end something unless he had the last word. I wanted to end this battle between the two of us but it was nearly impossible. It may take Blaze and I more than one night to completely extinguish the growing fire between him and I.
I glanced to the right of me to see Blaze playing with the end of my sleeve. He slowly tugged his long sleeve up his arm to reveal scars I last saw when he was 15 years old. A lot of scars had a light pink shade surrounding the small slits. When the perfect amount of light hit his arm, I was able to see the massive faded scars that ran up his forearm. I assumed that scar was from when he committed suicide.
Was it right to leave him like this? He’s been yearning to have someone there for him and I’m taking it away from him. He says he needs me and I’m different from the other patients. After thinking everything over since I’ve arrived to MMI, maybe it wasn’t right to leave him. He was broken and in need of someone.
I dropped my arms to my sides and slowly walked in front of Blaze. He looked up to me and noticed me making my way towards him. “What are you doing Ryder?” he asked. I looked down to my boots before locking eyes with Blaze. I was able to detect the confusion in his eyes. Even I was confused to what I was doing. This was such an odd situation for both of us.
We stood staring at each other, neither of us moving. “I don’t know what to do to get you to not hate me anymore,” I spoke with hesitation in my voice. “So I’m just going to give you something I should’ve given you the night ...the night you killed my father.”
I slowly inched towards Blaze and shut my eyes to make the moment less painful and awkward than it already was. That’s when our lips met, finally closing in on each other. Blaze finally got the one thing he wanted since I witnessed him murder my father. Maybe now we can finally put this entire horror show behind us.