Its always creepy at night, the doctors always keep my room dark which I am forced to hear the pale white faces every single night. The doctors diagnosed me with PTSD, I haven't even been in war or have anything so traumatic happen to me. What is wrong with me is I can hear flippin' ghosts!. That's what is what's flippin' wrong with me!. My mother has always told me I was crazy, I never believed it.
The doctors tell me that if I admit what is wrong with me I can leave this place.
Is there something wrong with me? Yes.
Am I crazy? No.
I sometimes get a sudden surge of paranoia when the doctor comes to see me. I feel he knows what's wrong with me but doesn't want to admit it or say anything about it. I don't understand why I am in here. I'm not crazy, I have never been crazy.
I used to have a brother but moma always told me he has to go away so he wouldn't hurt himself. I have a feeling she put Tyler in a place like this because she thought he was crazy like me. I never knew what was wrong with my brother. He seemed perfectly normal. He would never hurt a fly never mind a person.
I remember the morning I woke up. It was hell for me.
"Baba you have to go away for a while" Mama said in her sweet childlike voice.
I was only 8, if I would have known Mama would throw me in a place like this I would have ran to my grandmaws house where I know she would have understood.
"Where am I going" I asked.
"Somewhere that's safe, away from the danger, they that can protect you" Mamas childlike voice said, intimidating me.
"But I have always known that being with Mama and Papa that I would always be safe!" I cried.
"Yes baby I know that but it will be more safer" She said in her condescending tone.
"Where am I going?"
"To meet some people I know who will take special care of you" Her voice caught in the throat, giving a strangled cry.
She packed my bags and put me in the car. I don't want to say it was peaceful ride, the whole drive there mama was crying. I hate it when mama cries, she cried when bubba went away and now I am. I don't understand why mama sent bubba away and now me. Have I done something wrong? I feel like I did something wrong, that's why she is sending me away.
"Mama did I do something wrong?"
"No baba you didn't"
"Then why are you sending me away like bubba?"
"You're going somewhere that nothing bad will happen to you" Mama sobs. "It will be fore the best"
I didn't say anything after that because I was afraid I was gonna upset mama more.
Mama pulled into a very big building. It looked very dark and gloomy.
"C'mon baba its time to go" Mama cries, carrying me into the building.
"I love you mama" I say to her.
Mama doesn't reply, she just sits me down and walks away. Some man came out of nowhere, picked me up and took me away. I flung my arms all over the place and my legs. I was crying so hard, it was hard to breathe. Mama thinks I'm crazy? Is that why she put me in this place?
Mama Thinks I'm Crazy?
Does Mama think I'm crazy?
After all this time only one letter from Mama. But that letter didn't give off any information on why she put me here.
Dear my sweet Kylie,
Things have changed since you last left. You have a baby brother, his name is Nicholas James. I want you to get better. The doctors tell me you refuse the treatment, baba I want you to get better. I want to see you, hold you again, kiss away your tears, like any loving mother. But unfortunately you're not here. I love you and miss you.
Yours truly, Mom.
I'm not sure if I love my mom because I mean I never really knew her. I do want to get out of here, but there is nothing wrong with me so I'm not going to emit to something I'm not.
The doctors seem sorts of off. Every time I walk by them, they give me this look like I'm going to attack them. At night the doctors strap me down as they say 'We don't you hurting anyone or yourself'. This physic hospital has been very crude. This hospital things all of the patients are going to harm them. I remember it was when I ran up to my doctor to ask him a question and the nurses stuck a needle in my back, I went spiraling to the floor. Strange things happen in this place. It gets worse when they leave me in the cold dark room at night. I see them, the faces. They talk to me, but more like shout at me. I try not to listen.
As I sit in the cold dark room, the voices are shouting at me. 'They killed me here' 'You will be like us' I just sit on the bed with a pillow over my ears to drown out the voices, but they just seem to get louder and louder. Sometimes if they get very mad, they throw things at me, harmful things. The doctors ask me all the time and I tell them that it's the ghosts but they always think I do it. Everyday is a new face but none harsher than the last. They all want something. The doctors hear me talking to them but they always drug me because they think I'm crazy. I really want out of this place.
I was startled from my daydream, when the knock at my door told me to go eat lunch. Lunch here is always nasty and grimy. I walk down the hall like I always do, hoping that at every corner I turn I don't get a needle in my back, but today was no different. As I was turning the corner, my hand met an arm and made marks on the arm. I heard someone scream, felt a slight pinch in my lower back and I was sent spiraling to the floor.
I awoke in the same place they put you in when you 'step out of line'. The room is always the coldest and dirtiest. Nothing is right with this room.
"Hello" Someone calls from my right. I turn my head to see who it is. It is a boy or young adult with blonde hair and green eyes. He looked vaguely familiar.
"Hello" I say. They never usually put two people in here or in the same room because their afraid it will start a brawl.
"Kylie?" The person asked. I could see a hint of recognition in his eyes.
"Tyler?" I asked taking a wild guess because that was the only name that could some to mind.
"Oh my" Tyler says. His eye's showing a sign of pain. It's been a long time.
"It's been a long time Kylie" He says, voice no longer small.
"That it has" I said. "Do you hear them to?" I just had to ask.
"Yes that's why mama put me in here"
"That's why she put me in here to"
"I remember it was the day she took me here and I went to Mamaw's to get away from Mama and Mamaw told me to go and not let them hurt you because if they hurt you too much you will be like them" He finished saying. "Mama never said she heard them too but I know she does, It was a week before Mama put me here I heard her talking to someone but when I looked there was no one there."
"So what does this mean?" I asked.
"It means Mama can hear them too"
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